The Colbert Report

Intro - 7/14/09

Season 5 • 07/14/2009

The money for a new health care plan might be found in the folds of Barney Frank.

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03:41

VA Backlog - Paul Rieckhoff
The Colbert ReportS5

If Stephen gets 25,000 votes, Paul Rieckhoff will make him an honorary member of the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America.
07/13/2009
06:19

Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Bork a Nominee
The Colbert ReportS5

If Republicans want to stop Sonia Sotomayor's nomination, they must accuse her of bigotry, uncover her secrets and make her weigh in on abortion.
07/13/2009
02:40

Remembering Remembering Michael Jackson
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen remembers the fine coverage of Michael Jackson's death, like his one-hour interview with Michael Tackson.
07/13/2009
00:36

Intro - 7/13/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Sotomayor confirmation hearings begin, and New York Times columnist Paul Krugman knows a lot about money.
07/13/2009
00:07

Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report, everybody.
07/13/2009
05:34

Leymah Gbowee
The Colbert ReportS5

Leymah Gbowee organized a sex strike among women until the Liberian civil war ended.
07/14/2009
05:10

The Word - Guns, Credit, and Corn
The Colbert ReportS5

The American government can use the defense budget to pay for health care and just turn sick people into a weapons program.
07/14/2009
04:51

Senator Wences Questions Sonia Sotomayor
The Colbert ReportS5

Senator Wences asks Sonia Sotomayor the tough questions while still maintaining cultural sensitivity.
07/14/2009
00:05

Sign Off - The Pitcher in the Oat
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen reads his J.D. Salinger tribute prequel, written under the pseudonym, J.D. Stephenger.
07/14/2009
03:22

Raise High the Rage Beams
The Colbert ReportS5

If J.D. Salinger doesn't come on the show, Stephen will publish his prequel, "The Pitcher in the Oat," under the pseudonym J.D. Stephenger.
07/14/2009
00:34

Intro - 7/14/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen suggests looking for change in the folds of Barney Frank, and asks Leymah Gbowee where Liberia is.
07/14/2009
05:30

Difference Makers - Doug Jackson
The Colbert ReportS5

Thanks to State Senator Doug Jackson, it's now legal to carry a concealed weapon into a bar in Tennessee.
07/15/2009
05:58

Douglas Rushkoff
The Colbert ReportS5

Douglas Rushkoff discusses the downfalls of operating the world like a corporation and how to weaken corporate influence.
07/15/2009
03:48

Tip/Wag - Assassination Squads, Biblical History & Gay Penguins
The Colbert ReportS5

The CIA shuts down its assassination program, Texas wants Christianity taught in history, and two male penguins end their relationship.
07/15/2009
03:30

Stephen Wants to Be the Worst Person in the World
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen tries to make it onto Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" list by slapping a baby with a puppy.
07/15/2009
00:23

Intro - 7/15/09
The Colbert ReportS5

There's bad news for people with target-shaped birthmarks, and Douglas Rushkoff lets Jews and Freemasons off the hook.
07/15/2009
00:13

Sign Off - No Man Is a Failure
The Colbert ReportS5

No man is a failure who has friends, unless his friends are failures.
07/15/2009
05:16

The Word - Neutral Man's Burden
The Colbert ReportS5

Sonia Sotomayor's personal background should be neutralized the way Band-Aids were when they reached out to minorities.
07/16/2009
00:34

Intro - 7/16/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is emotionally dead inside, and Ed Andrews should write about teen vampires if he wants to get out of debt.
07/16/2009
03:14

The Memy Awards
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen announces the nominees for the Memy Awards' one and only category: Outstanding Individual.
07/16/2009
04:45

Edmund Andrews
The Colbert ReportS5

Edmund Andrews explains how he fell victim to the mortgage crisis as a New York Times economics reporter.
07/16/2009
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