The Colbert Report

Sign Off - Goodnight

Season 5 • 07/20/2009

Stephen says goodnight.

More

Watching

00:34

Intro - 7/16/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is emotionally dead inside, and Ed Andrews should write about teen vampires if he wants to get out of debt.
07/16/2009
03:14

The Memy Awards
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen announces the nominees for the Memy Awards' one and only category: Outstanding Individual.
07/16/2009
04:45

Edmund Andrews
The Colbert ReportS5

Edmund Andrews explains how he fell victim to the mortgage crisis as a New York Times economics reporter.
07/16/2009
05:28

Cheating Death - Diabetes Dogs, Chocolate Milk & Swearing in Pain
The Colbert ReportS5

Dogs help fight diabetes, chocolate milk replaces sports drinks, and swearing after an injury alleviates pain.
07/16/2009
00:14

Sign Off - Stephen Wins
The Colbert ReportS5

If you've had half as much fun watching the show as Stephen has had doing it, then he's had twice as much fun.
07/16/2009
02:27

Walter Cronkite Remembered
The Colbert ReportS5

Walter Cronkite's passing doesn't get the kind of cable news attention Stephen believes it deserves.
07/20/2009
05:20

Sport Report - Jessica Simpson, Olympic Brothel & Bud Light
The Colbert ReportS5

Tony Romo breaks up with Jessica Simpson, an Olympic hopeful opens a brothel, and Stephen loves the taste of Bud Light.
07/20/2009
03:57

Reverse Racism - Geoffrey Canada
The Colbert ReportS5

Geoffrey Canada can't find any area where white men are being disproportionately victimized.
07/20/2009
05:14

Bob Park
The Colbert ReportS5

Bob Park doesn't understand why humans need go to space when robots can do a better job.
07/20/2009
02:58

Reverse Racism
The Colbert ReportS5

As a recent black man, Stephen looks forward to hearing President Obama's NAACP speech.
07/20/2009
00:04

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report.
07/20/2009
03:31

The Word - A Perfect World
The Colbert ReportS5

Investigating prisoner abuse will be a political food fight, and that is messier than torture.
07/21/2009
06:44

Better Know a Lobby - Acorn
The Colbert ReportS5

Acorn's chief community organizer, Bertha Lewis, needs to know the number of Stephen's sexual partners for her census form.
07/21/2009
00:16

Sign Off - Stephen's Chip
The Colbert ReportS5

The opinions expressed tonight are exclusively Stephen's -- the chip in his head only makes suggestions.
07/21/2009
06:16

Aaron Carroll
The Colbert ReportS5

Aaron Carroll believes the single-payer system will cost less, cover everyone and lead to better outcomes.
07/21/2009
00:32

Intro - 7/21/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will be the mighty oak when he investigates Acorn, and Aaron Carroll believes America should have a single-payer system.
07/21/2009
02:32

40th Anniversary of the Moon Landing
The Colbert ReportS5

To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, Stephen re-airs his historic broadcast from July 20, 1969.
07/21/2009
03:09

Sniper Trifle
The Colbert ReportS5

The only huge surprise about Dick Cheney having his own secret assassination squad is that it didn't include cannibalism.
07/22/2009
00:35

Intro - 7/22/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The truth behind the CIA's secret assassination squad is revealed, and Chris Anderson talks about a future economy where everything is free.
07/22/2009
06:03

Chris Anderson
The Colbert ReportS5

Chris Anderson explains how it's possible for companies to make money by providing free services.
07/22/2009
04:17

Pope Wrist Watch
The Colbert ReportS5

The best way to spread wrist awareness is by getting a WristStrong bracelet to Pope Benedict XVI.
07/22/2009
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:49

"South Park: Snow Day!" Trailer
South Park

Join your favorite South Park characters as they fight for neighborhood dominance during a blizzard in "South Park: Snow Day!," available now.
03/26/2024
Trailer
00:28

Make the Most of a Day Off with "South Park: Snow Day!"
South ParkS26

Join Cartman and the neighborhood kids as they battle Stan, who has his own ideas about the rules of their fantasy game, in the "South Park: Snow Day!" video game, now available to preorder.
12/21/2023
Trailer
01:00

"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of Laughs
Star Trek: very Short TreksS1

Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
11/22/2023
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022