The Colbert Report

Stephanie's Winning!

Season 3 • 04/23/2007

Stephen's adopted turtle Stephanie is currently leading the Great Turtle Race.

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00:33

The Colbert ReportS3
Hyperbole-Off

Stephen may have lost the Meta-Free-Phor-All to Sean Penn, but he will not lose his upcoming Hyperbole-Off to George Clooney.
04/19/2007
02:34

The Colbert ReportS3
God's Pet Chimp

Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.
04/19/2007
08:27

The Colbert ReportS3
Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day?

Stephen has a metaphor for Sean Penn: Sean Penn is a big mean jerk, and Stephen hates him.
04/19/2007
02:59

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - $400 Haircut

Sure, John Edwards grew up poor, but if he really cared about the poor, he would have stayed poor.
04/19/2007
00:42

The Colbert ReportS3
Gonzales Forgot

Alberto Gonzales said 71 times that he couldn't remember details on the U.S. attorney firings, but he only remembers saying it once.
04/23/2007
04:51

The Colbert ReportS3
ThreatDown - MySpace

It's bad enough that MySpace exposes our teens to child predators, now they're corrupting our youth with journalism.
04/23/2007
00:30

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 4/23/07

Conservatives want a fresh new face, Sheryl Crow confronts Karl Rove and Def Jam's Russell Simmons sits down with Stephen.
04/23/2007
04:58

The Colbert ReportS3
Mike Huckabee - Running Mate Bid

Mike Huckabee and Stephen talk about plastic fruit and rowing in paddleboats in Central Park.
04/23/2007
00:11

The Colbert ReportS3
Colbert Nation Online Discussion Group

Stephen speaks to those interested in joining a Colbert Nation discussion group.
04/23/2007
05:45

The Colbert ReportS3
Russell Simmons

Russell Simmons talks about Oprah, diamonds and the secret to success.
04/23/2007
02:08

The Colbert ReportS3
Stephanie's Winning!

Stephen's adopted turtle, Stephanie Colbertle, is leading the Great Turtle Race, while two other lady turtles hang back at the nesting grounds, listening to Melissa Etheridge.
04/23/2007
03:22

The Colbert ReportS3
D.C. Voting Rights - Eleanor Holmes Norton

Stephen tells Eleanor Holmes Norton that this is the United States of America, not the United Districts of Columbia of America.
04/24/2007
03:18

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Act Globally

According to the head of the EPA, George W. Bush is making major progress -- there is a 4/10ths of one percent reduction in the increase of greenhouse gasses.
04/24/2007
02:48

The Colbert ReportS3
60% Good News

When Stephen watches "Fox & Friends," he feels like he's watching a Disney movie about the news.
04/24/2007
06:32

The Colbert ReportS3
Dr. Andrew Weil

Dr. Andrew Weil tells Stephen that it's possible to channel his rage in a useful way and that he finds Dr. House to be too cynical.
04/24/2007
00:55

The Colbert ReportS3
Bye-Bye to Boris

Russia's first democratically elected President, Boris Yeltsin, has passed away and the New York Post has paid tribute with their usual class and sensitivity.
04/24/2007
01:12

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Captain Lead

Stephen reminisces about his favorite childhood toys: Captain Lead, General Light Socket, Admiral Dry Cleaning Bag, Lieutenant Fluffy -- and his wad of asbestos.
04/24/2007
00:32

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 4/24/07

Stephen discusses President Bush's fight against global warming and the two seats being considered for Congress, and sits down with new age medical guru Dr. Andrew Weil.
04/24/2007
01:35

The Colbert ReportS3
Alpha Dog of the Week - Uncle Ben

After 61 years, Uncle Ben is now not only spokesman of his products but CEO of the company.
04/24/2007
01:18

The Colbert ReportS3
New Issue of GQ

Stephen expects the new issue of GQ with him on the cover to be the most popular issue they've ever had.
04/25/2007
04:52

The Colbert ReportS3
Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse - Prayer

People don't develop special powers, they pray for them. The only reason Superman can fly is because Jesus is carrying him.
04/25/2007
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