The Colbert Report
Happy Columbus Day
Season 5 • 10/12/2009
Columbus worked hard bringing spices back from the West Indies and giving the natives smallpox.
Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
Colin BeavanThe Colbert ReportS5
Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
Bend It Like BeckThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
Intro - 10/8/09The Colbert ReportS5
The media attacks Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh may buy a football team, and Colin Beavan makes no environmental impact.
Sign Off - Buddy SystemThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants you to pair up until he sees you again in 72 hours.
Fallback Position - James BlakeThe Colbert ReportS5
James Blake overcomes Stephen's total lack of athletic ability to transform him into a tennis champion.
War of Peace - Shashi TharoorThe Colbert ReportS5
Shashi Tharoor believes President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for giving hope to people around the world.
Sign Off - Thanks to the GuestsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen thanks Shashi Tharoor, James Blake and Sanjay Gupta for being his guests.
Intro - 10/12/09The Colbert ReportS5
The world has a peace prize in its pocket for Barack Obama, Dr. Sanjay Gupta keeps Larry King "live," and Stephen looks for a backup job.
Sanjay GuptaThe Colbert ReportS5
Sanjay Gupta wants to intervene in the process of death and possibly reverse it.
Happy Columbus DayThe Colbert ReportS5
In exchange for spices from the West Indies, Christopher Columbus gave the natives discount mattresses and smallpox.
Sylvia EarleThe Colbert ReportS5
Sylvia Earle stresses the importance of doing everything we can to protect the ocean and restore health to the system that takes care of us.
Sign Off - GmailThe Colbert ReportS5
If you're watching on a computer, open up Gmail so Stephen can check some messages.
The Word - Symbol-MindedThe Colbert ReportS5
The cross has nothing to do with Christianity -- it's just the normal symbol of the resting place of the dead. Download The Word NOW!
Intro - 10/13/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen tells babies to get a job, and Sylvia Earle prevents him from deep-frying a merman.
The Born Supremacy - David JaverbaumThe Colbert ReportS5
One of the most interesting things David Javerbaum discovered while researching his book is that pregnancy often affects the mother.
Jermaine Maine Tweets Miley Cyrus FactsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's pop star alter ego, Jermaine Maine, posts Twitter updates about Miley Cyrus' life.
Sign Off - Should Have Put a Ring On ItThe Colbert ReportS5
If you liked tonight's show, then you should have put a ring on it.
Yahweh or No Way - Legislation Prayers & Fake Shroud of TurinThe Colbert ReportS5
Special interest groups pray on issues like health care, and an Italian scientist makes a fake Shroud of Turin look like Cher with a mustache.
The RZAThe Colbert ReportS5
The RZA wants everyone to know that the truth shall set you free from all things.
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