The Colbert Report
Season 9 • 01/09/2013
The paleontologist pinpoints shared DNA among people, plants, rocks and Jupiter.
Bin Laden Film ControversyThe Colbert ReportS9
Since America is long overdue for a thorough investigation into its use of torture in movies, the Senate Intelligence Committee goes after "Zero Dark Thirty."
Chris KluweThe Colbert ReportS9
Chris Kluwe explains the punter's role and reiterates his support for pro-gay Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo.
Postage Price HikeThe Colbert ReportS9
The USPS Forever Stamp goes up by one penny, which proves the government can't do anything right.
Sign Off - VACSA-TERNThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen sips on the blood of the young and admires himself in the mirror.
Intro - 1/8/13The Colbert ReportS9
Science finds the key to a long, healthy life, "Zero Dark Thirty" stirs up controversy, and NFL punter Chris Kluwe discusses gay rights advocacy.
Gun Control BacklashThe Colbert ReportS9
Schools work armed officers into their prom themes, and former NRA President Marion Hammer knows that outlawing assault weapons is just another form of discrimination.
Intro - 1/9/13The Colbert ReportS9
America considers gun control, a troubling food addiction surfaces, and paleontologist Neil Shubin finds the missing link between sea and land creatures.
Idaho's Walled & Armed CommunityThe Colbert ReportS9
An exciting real estate opportunity boasts family shooting ranges, a firearms factory and safety from federal thugs.
Sign Off - McGnaw the Gluten-Free BeaverThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen says goodnight and gnaws on McGnaw's piece of wood.
Thought for Food - Wheat AddictionsThe Colbert ReportS9
America gets hooked on a new substance that's just as addictive as crack: a loaf of bread.
Neil ShubinThe Colbert ReportS9
The biological scientist shares his book, "The Universe Within: Discovering the Common History of Rocks, Planets, and People."
Roadside Sofa BoningThe Colbert ReportS9
A 46-year-old man is arrested for having sex with a couch, so public schools start teaching safe sex with plastic slipcovers.
Benjamin GibbardThe Colbert ReportS9
The lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie discusses his relatively universal solo album, "Former Lives."
Obama's Failed Second TermThe Colbert ReportS9
President Obama is turning out the way white males wanted him to, and Jack Lew's sloppy signature will make America's currency a laughingstock.
Tip/Wag - HAPIfork & Kevin GarnettThe Colbert ReportS9
A consumer technology keeps people from consuming, and Kevin Garnett dishes out some Hefty brand trash talk.
Stephen Colbert's Double Barrel Blam-O-Rama - Guns as Civil Rights VictimsThe Colbert ReportS9
Martin Luther King, Jr. understood that the root of all oppression is lack of firepower while Ted Nugent has long been an inspiration for the civil rights movement.
Stephen Colbert's Double Barrel Blam-O-Rama - Silver Bullets & Video GamesThe Colbert ReportS9
Vice President Joe Biden prepares his recommendations for gun control, while video games, along with Oscar nominees like "Lincoln," glamorize gun violence.
Sign Off - Pocketbook ConstitutionThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen reads up on the U.S. Constitution.
Piers MorganThe Colbert ReportS9
Piers Morgan, who comes from a place without the Second Amendment, quietly points out England's low gun murder rates.
Stephen Colbert's Double Barrel Blam-O-Rama - Piers Morgan & James YeagerThe Colbert ReportS9
British journalist Piers Morgan drives on the wrong side of the barrel, and Tactical Response CEO James Yeager protests Obama's upcoming gun grab.
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