The Colbert Report

Deployment Figures

Season 5 • 12/02/2009

How are the troops supposed to know what to do in Afghanistan if Obama doesn't say the word "win"?

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06:00

Gold, Frankincense and Mars - Guy Consolmagno
The Colbert ReportS5

Brother Guy Consolmagno explains why the Vatican accepts the possibility of alien life.
12/01/2009
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06:09

Sherman Alexie
The Colbert ReportS5

Sherman Alexie criticizes digital technology for taking away the local celebration and appreciation of books.
12/01/2009
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04:22

Better Know a Made-Up District - Connecticut's 42nd
The Colbert ReportS5

Connecticut's 42nd District is located in the middle of the River Styx and is represented by Brad Pitt's character from "Fight Club."
12/01/2009
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00:04

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report, everybody.
12/01/2009
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00:34

Intro - 12/1/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Catholic Church searches for life on other planets, and Sherman Alexie discusses his book, "War Dances."
12/01/2009
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02:53

U.S. Army Chain of Command
The Colbert ReportS5

By sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, President Obama must be unfamiliar with the chain of command.
12/01/2009
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06:53

Cheating Death - R.J. Reynolds, Genzyme & Bionic Bottom
The Colbert ReportS5

R.J. Reynolds hopes to make money off of quit-smoking aids, Genzyme pills contain trash, and a man regulates his bowel movements via remote control.
12/02/2009
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00:34

Intro - 12/2/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama sends 30,000 troops into Afghanistan, and Craig Watkins overturns old convictions with DNA evidence.
12/02/2009
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06:11

Craig Watkins
The Colbert ReportS5

Craig Watkins tries to bring back credibility to the criminal justice system by overturning wrongful convictions.
12/02/2009
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00:03

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/02/2009
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06:39

Deployment Figures
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama's speech to send 30,000 troops to Afghanistan was missing passion and a certain word.
12/02/2009
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00:31

Intro - 12/3/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Tiger Woods says he's sorry, Stephen has Olympic fever, and Janet Napolitano isn't securing the homeland.
12/03/2009
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02:34

Tiger's Tale
The Colbert ReportS5

Tiger Woods didn't realize that cheating is a sacred institution between one man, one woman and one other woman.
12/03/2009
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05:26

Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts - Zach Lund
The Colbert ReportS5

Zach Lund gives Stephen the history of skeleton racing before helping him try out for the Olympic team.
12/03/2009
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06:04

Janet Napolitano
The Colbert ReportS5

Janet Napolitano discusses America's border security and explains why she doesn't believe in the color-coded terror alert level.
12/03/2009
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00:25

Sign Off - Welcome Sean Julien
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen welcomes the newest member of the Colbert Nation, Sean Julien.
12/03/2009
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04:30

Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen isn't attending the Vancouver Olympics just to ombud -- he's going as a member of the U.S. Olympic team.
12/03/2009
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04:39

Tip/Wag - Jonas Brothers, Fox News & Japanese Burger King
The Colbert ReportS5

The Jonas Brothers promote the Xbox 360, Fox News enforces a new accuracy pledge, and Japanese Burger Kings sell a Windows 7 Whopper.
12/07/2009
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02:05

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Tongue-Eating Parasite
The Colbert ReportS5

Scientists discover a parasitic fish off the coast of New Jersey that survives by eating and replacing the host's tongue.
12/07/2009
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04:49

Bill T. Jones
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.
12/07/2009
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00:35

Intro - 12/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen inflates his neck pouch to scare off predators and wonders what Disney movie "Fela!" is based on.
12/07/2009
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