The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 12/02/2009
How are the troops supposed to know what to do in Afghanistan if Obama doesn't say the word "win"?
Gold, Frankincense and Mars - Guy ConsolmagnoThe Colbert ReportS5
Brother Guy Consolmagno explains why the Vatican accepts the possibility of alien life.
Sherman AlexieThe Colbert ReportS5
Sherman Alexie criticizes digital technology for taking away the local celebration and appreciation of books.
Better Know a Made-Up District - Connecticut's 42ndThe Colbert ReportS5
Connecticut's 42nd District is located in the middle of the River Styx and is represented by Brad Pitt's character from "Fight Club."
Intro - 12/1/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Catholic Church searches for life on other planets, and Sherman Alexie discusses his book, "War Dances."
U.S. Army Chain of CommandThe Colbert ReportS5
By sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, President Obama must be unfamiliar with the chain of command.
Cheating Death - R.J. Reynolds, Genzyme & Bionic BottomThe Colbert ReportS5
R.J. Reynolds hopes to make money off of quit-smoking aids, Genzyme pills contain trash, and a man regulates his bowel movements via remote control.
Intro - 12/2/09The Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama sends 30,000 troops into Afghanistan, and Craig Watkins overturns old convictions with DNA evidence.
Craig WatkinsThe Colbert ReportS5
Craig Watkins tries to bring back credibility to the criminal justice system by overturning wrongful convictions.
Deployment FiguresThe Colbert ReportS5
President Obama's speech to send 30,000 troops to Afghanistan was missing passion and a certain word.
Intro - 12/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
Tiger Woods says he's sorry, Stephen has Olympic fever, and Janet Napolitano isn't securing the homeland.
Tiger's TaleThe Colbert ReportS5
Tiger Woods didn't realize that cheating is a sacred institution between one man, one woman and one other woman.
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts - Zach LundThe Colbert ReportS5
Zach Lund gives Stephen the history of skeleton racing before helping him try out for the Olympic team.
Janet NapolitanoThe Colbert ReportS5
Janet Napolitano discusses America's border security and explains why she doesn't believe in the color-coded terror alert level.
Sign Off - Welcome Sean JulienThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen welcomes the newest member of the Colbert Nation, Sean Julien.
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team TryoutsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen isn't attending the Vancouver Olympics just to ombud -- he's going as a member of the U.S. Olympic team.
Tip/Wag - Jonas Brothers, Fox News & Japanese Burger KingThe Colbert ReportS5
The Jonas Brothers promote the Xbox 360, Fox News enforces a new accuracy pledge, and Japanese Burger Kings sell a Windows 7 Whopper.
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Tongue-Eating ParasiteThe Colbert ReportS5
Scientists discover a parasitic fish off the coast of New Jersey that survives by eating and replacing the host's tongue.
Bill T. JonesThe Colbert ReportS5
Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.
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