The Colbert Report

Deployment Figures

Season 5 • 12/02/2009

How are the troops supposed to know what to do in Afghanistan if Obama doesn't say the word "win"?

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Watching

06:00

The Colbert ReportS5
Gold, Frankincense and Mars - Guy Consolmagno

Brother Guy Consolmagno explains why the Vatican accepts the possibility of alien life.
12/01/2009
06:09

The Colbert ReportS5
Sherman Alexie

Sherman Alexie criticizes digital technology for taking away the local celebration and appreciation of books.
12/01/2009
04:22

The Colbert ReportS5
Better Know a Made-Up District - Connecticut's 42nd

Connecticut's 42nd District is located in the middle of the River Styx and is represented by Brad Pitt's character from "Fight Club."
12/01/2009
00:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight

That's it for The Report, everybody.
12/01/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 12/1/09

The Catholic Church searches for life on other planets, and Sherman Alexie discusses his book, "War Dances."
12/01/2009
02:53

The Colbert ReportS5
U.S. Army Chain of Command

By sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, President Obama must be unfamiliar with the chain of command.
12/01/2009
06:53

The Colbert ReportS5
Cheating Death - R.J. Reynolds, Genzyme & Bionic Bottom

R.J. Reynolds hopes to make money off of quit-smoking aids, Genzyme pills contain trash, and a man regulates his bowel movements via remote control.
12/02/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 12/2/09

Barack Obama sends 30,000 troops into Afghanistan, and Craig Watkins overturns old convictions with DNA evidence.
12/02/2009
06:11

The Colbert ReportS5
Craig Watkins

Craig Watkins tries to bring back credibility to the criminal justice system by overturning wrongful convictions.
12/02/2009
00:03

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight

That's it for the show, everybody.
12/02/2009
06:39

The Colbert ReportS5
Deployment Figures

President Obama's speech to send 30,000 troops to Afghanistan was missing passion and a certain word.
12/02/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 12/3/09

Tiger Woods says he's sorry, Stephen has Olympic fever, and Janet Napolitano isn't securing the homeland.
12/03/2009
02:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Tiger's Tale

Tiger Woods didn't realize that cheating is a sacred institution between one man, one woman and one other woman.
12/03/2009
05:26

The Colbert ReportS5
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts - Zach Lund

Zach Lund gives Stephen the history of skeleton racing before helping him try out for the Olympic team.
12/03/2009
06:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Janet Napolitano

Janet Napolitano discusses America's border security and explains why she doesn't believe in the color-coded terror alert level.
12/03/2009
00:25

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Welcome Sean Julien

Stephen welcomes the newest member of the Colbert Nation, Sean Julien.
12/03/2009
04:30

The Colbert ReportS5
Skate Expectations - Skeleton Team Tryouts

Stephen isn't attending the Vancouver Olympics just to ombud -- he's going as a member of the U.S. Olympic team.
12/03/2009
04:39

The Colbert ReportS5
Tip/Wag - Jonas Brothers, Fox News & Japanese Burger King

The Jonas Brothers promote the Xbox 360, Fox News enforces a new accuracy pledge, and Japanese Burger Kings sell a Windows 7 Whopper.
12/07/2009
02:05

The Colbert ReportS5
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Tongue-Eating Parasite

Scientists discover a parasitic fish off the coast of New Jersey that survives by eating and replacing the host's tongue.
12/07/2009
04:49

The Colbert ReportS5
Bill T. Jones

Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.
12/07/2009
00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 12/7/09

Stephen inflates his neck pouch to scare off predators and wonders what Disney movie "Fela!" is based on.
12/07/2009
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