The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 11/09/2009
The Republicans will kill the health care reform bill and the murder weapon will be Joe Lieberman.
Tip/Wag - Rush Limbaugh & Us WeeklyThe Colbert ReportS5
Rush Limbaugh has no clue about who will beat Barack Obama in 2012, and Us Weekly judges celebrities' kids on their appearance.
William BrattonThe Colbert ReportS5
William Bratton works to take the American police force model to emerging democracies and post-conflict nations.
Cheating Death - Swine Flu Scam Detector & VaxacondaThe Colbert ReportS5
The Prescott Swine Flu Scam Detector exposes fake treatments, while Vaxaconda prevents kidney failure and rodent infestations.
Sign Off - Donate to U.S. SpeedskatingThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't forget to donate to the U.S. Speedskating team.
Sign Off - Poison GasThe Colbert ReportS5
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here -- Stephen's flooding the studio with poison gas.
U.S. Speedskating Team Takes GoldThe Colbert ReportS5
Thanks to the Colbert Nation, the U.S. Speedskating team wins the gold at the World Cup.
Intro - 11/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
The House passes a health care bill late Saturday night, and Stephen ignores Thomas Campbell's suggested donation request.
Better Know a District - Delaware's At-Large - Mike CastleThe Colbert ReportS5
Congressman Mike Castle doesn't believe Delaware should allow people to marry chickens.
Thomas CampbellThe Colbert ReportS5
Thomas Campbell explains to Stephen why people come to see art at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Trouble, CoverageThe Colbert ReportS5
The House Democrats pass health care reform while Republicans are at home watching Wanda Sykes' new show.
Sign Off - You Can't Take It With YouThe Colbert ReportS5
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it when you're gone.
Intro - 11/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Iranian revolution celebrates 30 years, and Stephen assumes Maria Shriver's new charity is California.
Barney Frank Is Not a Great OutdoorsmanThe Colbert ReportS5
Just because Barney Frank authored a bill to legalize medical marijuana doesn't mean he could recognize a pot plant.
Maria ShriverThe Colbert ReportS5
Maria Shriver feeds Stephen Lovin' Scoopful, her new ice cream that benefits Special Olympics.
Iraniversary - Karim SadjadpourThe Colbert ReportS5
Karim Sadjadpour describes Iranian math superstar Mahmoud Vahidnia's unprecedented act of challenging Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Khomeini.
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
Grover the HillThe Colbert ReportS5
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
Goldman Sachs Does God's WorkThe Colbert ReportS5
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
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