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About
The Colbert Report
Intro - 10/28/09
Season 5 • 10/28/2009
What qualifies as a preexisting condition? If you have to ask, you probably have one.
More
Watching
00:27
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Goodnight?
Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
10/27/2009
00:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/27/09
The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
10/27/2009
04:57
The Colbert Report
S5
Gail Collins
Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
10/27/2009
01:44
The Colbert Report
S5
George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
10/27/2009
07:28
The Colbert Report
S5
Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
Randall Balmer refuses to join the Catholic Church because he's suspicious of any religious group that defines itself in negative terms.
10/27/2009
05:48
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - You-Genics
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
01:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
01:44
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Future Stephen
Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
06:05
The Colbert Report
S5
Brian Cox
Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
04:12
The Colbert Report
S5
Big Bang Theory
Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
00:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/28/09
Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.
10/28/2009
01:52
The Colbert Report
S5
USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
05:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
00:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/29/09
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
06:37
The Colbert Report
S5
We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
10/29/2009
05:12
The Colbert Report
S5
ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
10/29/2009
00:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/2/09
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
11/02/2009
03:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
11/02/2009
01:43
The Colbert Report
S5
Used Karzai
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
11/02/2009
05:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Nicholas Thompson
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
11/02/2009
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Brace Yourself for New South Park Adventures
Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny are back for a new season of South Park, premiering Wednesday, February 8, at 10/9c.
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Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack
A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
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