Souvenir Shop/E.L.A.I.F.F.

  • Season 2, Ep 2
  • 07/08/2014

Nathan sets up a fake film shoot in an effort to boost sales at a Hollywood souvenir shop, but his plan gets complicated when he discovers that he may have committed fraud.

AND SOUVENIR SHOPS COMPETE HARDTO SELL THEM ITEMS

THAT MOST WOULD CONSIDEREMBARRASSING TO OWN.

BUT IN THE SOUVENIR GAME,LOCATION IS EVERYTHING.

AND THAT'S WHY,TUCKED AWAY NEARLY FIVE BLOCKS

FROM THE MAIN STRIP,L.A. FAME IS STRUGGLING.

IT'S A SAD TALE,AND WITH BUSINESS THIS SLOW,

OWNER JOHN KIM HAS A TOUGH TIMEFINDING THINGS TO BOAST ABOUT.

- RECENTLY, WE HAD SOMEONEFROM OF MICE & MEN COME IN--

FROM THE--THEY'RE A ROCK BAND

THAT'S PRETTY POPULAR RIGHT NOW.

BUT OTHER THAN THAT, YOU KNOW...

- SO I PAID JOHN A VISITTO SEE IF I COULD HELP.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING A TOUK?

- A TOUK?WHAT--

- THIS.- OH.

- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

- IT'S A BEANIE.SO THAT'S--

- I'M FROM CANADA.WE CALL IT A "TOUK."

- OH, OKAY.- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- YEAH, I'M JUST COLD RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S WHY I'M WEARING IT.

[chuckles]- OH, OKAY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.- YEAH.

- THAT'S COOL.- YEAH.

- MY MISSION WAS TO ATTRACTMORE TOURISTS TO L.A. FAME.

IF YOU'RE VISITING HOLLYWOOD,THERE'S NOTHING MORE EXCITING

THAN SEEING THE MAGICOF THE MOVIES UP CLOSE,

SO IF JOHN REDESIGNEDHIS STOREFRONT

TO MAKE IT LOOKLIKE A BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE

WAS ALWAYS BEING SHOT THERE,

EVERY TOURIST ON THE STRIPWOULD FLOCK TO L.A. FAME

TO SEE THE ACTION UP CLOSE.

THEN ALL I NEED TO DOIS OFFER EACH TOURIST

A PART IN THE MOVIE.

THEIR ROLE?

A PAYING CUSTOMERAT A SOUVENIR SHOP.

- OKAY.OKAY.

- TOURISTS GET VERY EXCITED...- YEAH.

- AROUND CELEBRITIESAND MOVIE SETS,

SO THEY WOULDN'T THINKRATIONALLY.

- YEAH.

- ONCE YOU HAVE THE CROWD HERE,

IT BECOMES VERY EASYTO SELL TO THEM.

- YEAH, MAYBE.

- JOHN WAS ONBOARD,SO TO MAKE L.A. FAME

LOOK AS MUCH LIKEA REAL MOVIE SET AS POSSIBLE,

I RENTED SOME LIGHTSAND EQUIPMENT

AND SET THEM UPOUTSIDE OF HIS SHOP.

NEXT, TO MAKE THE MOVIETRULY EXCITING FOR TOURISTS,

I HIRED PROFESSIONALJOHNNY DEPP IMPERSONATOR

RONNIE RODRIGUEZ, WHO I HOPEDWOULD CONVINCINGLY PASS

FOR THE REAL JOHNNYFROM A DISTANCE.

I ALSO HIRED A WORSEJOHNNY DEPP IMPERSONATOR

TO ACT AS A STAND-IN

AND MAKE RONNIE LOOK BETTERBY COMPARISON.

WITH EVERYTHING IN PLACE,

THE FAKE MOVIE SHOOT BEGAN.

ACTION.

AS I PRETENDED TO DIRECT,

TOURISTS SLOWLY BEGAN TO GATHER.

CUT.

LET'S DO ANOTHER TAKE OF THAT.

THAT WAS REALLY GOOD, GUYS.

AND EXCITEMENT WAS BUILDINGAROUND OUR CELEBRITY STAR.

- YEAH, IT'S AMAZING.YEAH.

- AND ONCE WE GAVE THEMA TINY PEEK OF JOHNNY...

- WHOO-HOO, JOHNNY.

- THEY WERE PUTTY IN MY HANDS,

AND IT WAS TIMETO SELL SOME SOUVENIRS.

HI, EVERYONE.

SO AS YOU CAN SEE,WE'RE FILMING A MOVIE HERE.

IT'S CALLED THE WEB.

IT'S ABOUT A HACKER,PLAYED BY JOHNNY DEPP,

WHO HAS TO HACKINTO AN ASTEROID

TO STOP ITFROM HITTING THE EARTH.

- OKAY.

- SO THIS ISA LITTLE BIT UNORTHODOX,

BUT WE NEED SOME EXTRASTO BE IN THE SCENE.

I DON'T KNOW--IS THAT OKAY?IS ANYONE INTERESTED?

- RIGHT HERE.[crowd calling out]

- REALLY?OH, WOW.

WITH NO SHORTAGE OF VOLUNTEERS,

I HAD THEM BROUGHT TO SET

ONE AT A TIMETO GIVE THEM THEIR DIRECTION.

LET ME JUST EXPLAIN TO YOUWHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

- OKAY.

- GO INTO THE STORE,

BUY AN ITEM, AND THEN LEAVE.

- OKAY, COOL.

- OKAY, SO, ON ACTION.READY?

- YES.- ACTION.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO SO FAST,SIR.

YOU CAN SLOW DOWN.- OKAY.

- IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEENAN OSCAR-WORTHY PERFORMANCE...

- $6.53.

- BUT OUR FIRST CUSTOMEROF THE DAY LEFT HAPPY.

- THANK YOU.- OKAY, THANK YOU.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

I GAVE EACH EXTRA SOME DIRECTION

AND LET THEM RUN WITH IT.

SO I NEED YOU TO GO IN THERE,

PICK OUT AN ITEM, BUY IT,AND THEN LEAVE.

- OKAY.- OKAY.

OKAY,SO I NEED YOU TO GO IN THERE,

BUY SOMETHING, THEN LEAVE.

- OKAY.- OKAY.

MY PLAN WAS WORKING BEAUTIFULLY,

AS TOURISTS WERE BUYING ITEMSIN A STEADY STREAM.

THE SCENE WAS FAKE,BUT THESE SALES WERE REAL,

AND CUSTOMERS WERE THRILLEDWITH THEIR PURCHASES.

DID YOU PAY FOR THAT?

- YEAH.

- OKAY, SO IT'S YOURS THEN.

- OH.

- BUT EACH TRANSACTIONWAS JUST FOR A SMALL AMOUNT,

SO I TOOK JOHN'S PLACETO SHOW HIM

HOW HE COULD GET CUSTOMERSTO SPEND MORE.

OH, HELLO, OFFICER SUZANNE.

- HI.

- HOW'S THE HACKER INVESTIGATIONGOING?

- UM--WAIT,WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

- OH, JUST SAY,"NO LEADS YET."

- OKAY.

GO AHEAD.

OH, NO LEADS YETAT ALL, SO...

- OKAY.- MM-MM.

- WELL, I HAVE THE STUFFYOU ASKED ME TO PUT ASIDE.

- MM-HMM.

- THAT'LL BE $87, PLEASE.

- OKAY.

HERE WE ARE.

- OH, THANK YOU.

- YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

[credit card machine beeping]

ARE YOU ACTUALLY, LIKE,CHARGING IT TO MY CARD?

- YOU'RE BREAKING CHARACTER.- OKAY.

- JUST SAY, "THANK YOU."- THANK YOU.

- OKAY, YES.

$87 IN A SINGLE TRANSACTION

WAS UNPRECEDENTEDFOR A SOUVENIR SHOP,

BUT I SOON DISCOVEREDI WASN'T IN THE CLEAR YET.

SO YOU HAD A QUESTIONABOUT SOMETHING OR...

- YEAH, I MEAN,I DON'T WANT THIS STUFF, BUT--

- OH, DO YOU WANT A REFUND?- YEAH.

- I HAD ANTICIPATED THAT PEOPLEMIGHT WANT THEIR MONEY BACK,

SO I CAME UP WITH A PLANTHAT WOULD HOPEFULLY

MAKE THEM RECONSIDER.

THIS MOVIE STARS JOHNNY DEPP.- YEAH.

- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW,

BUT HE WAS WATCHINGTHE FOOTAGE...

- YEAH.

- ON THE MONITOR VIEW,

AND HE JUST THOUGHTYOU WERE,

LIKE, THE MOST NATURAL ACTRESS.

HAVE YOU ACTED BEFORE?- NO, NEVER.

- YOU'VE NEVER?- MM-MM.

- IF YOU WANT, I MIGHT BE ABLETO GET YOU IN THERE TO MEET HIM.

- YEAH, IF HE DOESN'T MIND,I MEAN...

- YEAH, I MEAN...

- OKAY.

- JOHNNY?- YES?

- YOU DECENT?

HEY.

JOHNNY, THIS IS CARTER,THE ACTRESS YOU JUST--

- HI.- OH, HI.

- HOW ARE YOU?- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.- HOW YOU DOING?

- I'M GOOD.- WOW, SO...

I HEARD YOU DIDA GOOD JOB ON THE SCENE.

- OH, THANK YOU.

- ARE YOU A--YOU'RE A FAN OF HIS, OR...

- OF COURSE.- OH, REALLY?

- OF COURSE I AM.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN,COME ON.

- REALLY?- [chuckles]

- GOOD.- GOOD, IT'S A--

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.- PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

- DO YOU WANT HIMTO SIGN SOME STUFF FOR YOU?

- LIKE, IN HERE?

- YEAH.

I MEAN--OH, WAIT.

YOU DID--YOU WANTED TO RETURN THOSE?

- OH, REALLY?WELL--

- IF HE SIGNS THEM,WE CAN'T RETURN THEM, SO...

- YEAH, WELL,IF HE SIGNS ONE, CAN'T YOU--

CAN YOU, OR NO?NO?

- HE USUALLY LIKES TO SIGNEVERYTHING.

- I CAN--

- ALL RIGHT.

LET ME SEE.

I CAN'T SAY NOTO AN AUTOGRAPH, I MEAN...

- "TO MY FAVORITE--"RUM SHOULD PROBABLY GO IN HERE.

- IT WAS A TENSE 15 MINUTES

AS RONNIE SIGNED EVERYTHINGIN HER BASKET.

- SO WHEN IS THIS MOVIESUPPOSED TO BE COMING OUT?

- UM...

BUT IN THE END,SHE KEPT ALL HER SOUVENIRS

AND WENT HOME HAPPY.

AND AS THE DAY PROGRESSED,WE GOT BETTER AND BETTER

AT GETTING CUSTOMERSTO MAKE BIG PURCHASES.

YOUR CHARACTER IS A CUSTOMERWHO LOVES TO SPEND MONEY.

HE'S RICH, AND HE LOVESTO JUST BUY SOUVENIRS.

SO THAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION.

ACTION.

AND PEOPLE SEEMED TO BE

EMBRACING THEIR ROLES.

- I'M GONNA GIVE MYSELFAN OSCAR FOR BEING SO RICH.

HOW'S THAT?- ALL RIGHT. [chuckles]

- OVER THE COURSE OF THE DAY,

WE SOLD A RECORD NUMBEROF SOUVENIRS.

- THE TOTAL COMES OUTTO $170.92.

- $170...

- AND EVEN THOUGH THE AUTOGRAPHSMAY HAVE BEEN FAKE,

THE MEMORIES THESE REGULAR FOLKSTOOK HOME THAT DAY

WOULD LAST A LIFETIME.

AND AT THE END OF THE DAY,I WANTED TO SEE IF JOHN

PLANNED TO KEEP USINGMY SALES METHOD.

IS THIS SOMETHING YOU MIGHTWANT TO KEEP DOING?

- UM...

NO, I MEAN--

MAYBE. MAYBE, YEAH.

- MAYBE? SO--OKAY.

- YEAH.- THAT'S GOOD.

UNFORTUNATELY, RONNIE,THE JOHNNY DEPP IMPERSONATOR,

HAS LIMITED AVAILABILITYOUTSIDE OF TODAY.

- RIGHT.

- SO I FOUNDANOTHER IMPERSONATOR

THAT COULD REPLACE HIM,PERHAPS,

IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE THIS.

- OKAY.

- THIS IS WILLIAM.

HE'S A PROFESSIONALBILL GATES IMPERSONATOR.

- OKAY.

- WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HIMA LITTLE TASTE OF BILL?

- YES, IT'S A PLEASURETO BE HERE.

YOU KNOW, WHEN WE STARTEDOUR COMPUTERS,

UM, BACK IN THE '80s,

IT WAS HUGE.

AND THE BUSINESS--

THEY WERE HUGE MACHINES.

YOU KNOW, WE STARTED--I STARTED IN A GARAGE.

- OKAY, I THINK THAT--YEAH, THAT'S ENOUGH PROBABLY.

SO, YEAH,

YOU DO THIS FOR A LIVING, RIGHT?

- YES, SIR.- OKAY.

YEAH, WELL,I'LL LEAVE YOU GUYS

TO WORK OUT THE DETAILS,I GUESS.

- OKAY.- YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE.

BUT, YEAH,GREAT TO MEET YOU.

- GREAT TO MEET YOU.- ALL RIGHT, SEE YA.

- THANK YOU.- THANK YOU.

UM, I MEAN...

- WELL, I HOPEEVERYBODY BUYS MICROSOFT--

CONTINUES--CONTINUE THE BUSINESS.

WE CAN ALWAYS USE IT,

AND WE'RE SO GRATEFUL THAT--

WHAT WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED.

- OKAY.

- WHAT YOU--

[uplifting music]

- UM...

BUT IN MAKING THIS SHOW,

I ENSURE THAT EVERY IDEAI PRESENT TO A BUSINESS I HELP

IS COMPLETELY, 100% LEGAL.

HOWEVER, IN THE WEEKSSINCE HELPING L.A. FAME,

I DISCOVEREDTHAT CERTAIN ELEMENTS

OF MY MARKETING PLAN

MAY HAVE ACTUALLYCONSTITUTED FRAUD.

AND THAT'S NOT GOOD.

WHEN I FINISHED UP WITH JOHN,

I ASSUMED MY WORKWITH HIS BUSINESS WAS DONE,

BUT THEN OUR PRODUCTIONBEGAN RECEIVING

SEVERAL EMAILSFROM SOUVENIR SHOP CUSTOMERS

ASKING WHEN THE WEB,MY FAKE MOVIE,

WAS COMING OUT IN THEATERS.

NOT KNOWING HOW TO RESPONDTO THESE EMAILS,

I MET WITHRETIRED CALIFORNIA STATE JUDGE

THE HONORABLE ANTHONY FILOSAFOR SOME GUIDANCE.

- IT'S FRAUD.

THEFT, BASICALLY.

- THEFT AND FRAUD?- YES.

WHAT YOU DIDWAS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE.

IT CAN BE PUNISHEDBY A MISDEMEANOR

OR BY A FELONY

DEPENDING ON THE AMOUNTOF MONEY INVOLVED.

YOU'RE ADMITTING TO METHAT--

- NO, I DIDN'T ADMIT ANYTHING.

- WELL, YOU SAIDTHAT YOU DID NOT INTEND

TO MAKE A MOVIE.

- SO HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?

- YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS.

YOU COULD MAKE AN OFFERTO REFUND THE MONEY.

THAT WOULD BE ONE WAY.

OR, OF COURSE,ACTUALLY MAKE THE FILM.

- SO IF THE WEBWERE A REAL MOVIE,

THEN I WOULD BE COVERED?

- YES. YES.

- JUDGE FILOSA HAD GIVEN ME

A GREAT WAYTO BEAT A FRAUD CHARGE.

I'D EDIT THE FOOTAGE WE SHOTAT L.A. FAME INTO A MOVIE,

BUT THIS TASKPROVED TO BE DIFFICULT.

IT WAS ALL JUST RANDOM SCENESWITH CUSTOMERS, NO STORY.

I KNEW THIS WOULDN'T HOLD UP,

SO I SPEND THE NIGHTWRITING A SCRIPT

THAT WOULD WEAVETHE CUSTOMER FOOTAGE

INTO A CLEAR NARRATIVE.

TO MAKE IT MORE COMPELLING,

I ADDED A LOVE STORYFOR MY CHARACTER

AND CAST AN ACTRESSTO PLAY MY GIRLFRIEND,

AND LATER THAT WEEK,

WE OFFICIALLY BEGAN PRODUCTIONON THE WEB.

HAVE YOU EVER DONEAN ON-CAMERA KISS BEFORE, OR...

- I HAVE, YEAH.- OH, YEAH? YEAH.

- HAVE YOU?- WHAT?

- HAVE YOU?- OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.- OKAY, COOL.

- IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE KISSING.

IT'S LIKE OUR CHARACTERSARE KISSING.

- OH, SURE, YEAH.- YEAH, YEAH.

SO IT'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

IT'S NOT, LIKE,A BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING.

- NO.- YEAH, YEAH.

AFTER SOME ACTOR-TO-ACTOR TALK,

WE BEGAN THE SCENE.

- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, RICHARD.

- I LOVE YOU TOO, ALLISON.

- COME HERE.

- I DON'T KNOWWHAT I'M GONNA DO WITHOUT YOU.

- I KNOW.

- [whispering]I HAVEN'T DONE THIS BEFORE.

- IT'S OKAY.

- IT WAS A BIT OF A ROCKY START

AS MY NERVES KEPTGETTING IN THE WAY.

AND AS THE TAKES WENT ON,

I WAS HAVING TROUBLESTAYING IN CHARACTER

BECAUSE I WAS REALLY ENJOYINGTHE KISSES.

BUT WITH TIME, OUR CHEMISTRYBECAME VERY NATURAL,

AND AFTER CALLING RONNIE BACKTO SHOOT SOME ADDITIONAL SCENES,

I FELT LIKE WE HAD ENOUGHTO MAKE A SOMEWHAT LOGICAL FILM.

SO I RETURNED TO JUDGE FILOSAAND SHOWED HIM THE ENTIRE MOVIE

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