Samuel Jackson Beer & Racial Draft

  • 01/21/2004

Dave debuts Samuel Jackson beer and reveals major upsets in "The Racial Draft."

WHAT'LL IT BE, GUYS ?

I'LL HAVEA SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS.

I'LL HAVEA SAMUEL ADAMS.

I'LL HAVEA SAMUEL JACKSON.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING ?

I'LL HAVEA SAMUEL JACKSON, TOO.

ME THREE.

( all laughing )

THREE SAMUEL JACKSON'SCOMING RIGHT UP.

GOOD MOTHERFUCKIN' CHOICE,MOTHERFUCKER.

SAMUEL JACKSON,MADE PAINSTAKINGLY BY ME,

SAMUEL L. JACKSON.

IT'LL GET YOU DRUNK !

YOU'LL BE FUCKIN' FAT GIRLSIN NO TIME !

YOU MIGHT EVENFIGHT A NIGGA' OR TWO !

MMM-MMM, BITCH !

HOW'S IT TASTE,MOTHERFUCKA' ?

HUH ?!

CAN YOU STOPYELLING AT ME, PLEASE ?

NO, I CAN'T STOP YELLING,'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I TALK !

YOU AIN'T NEVERSEEN MY MOVIES ?!

"JUICE",THAT WAS A GOOD ONE !

"DEEP BLUE SEA" !

THEY ATE ME,A FUCKING SHARK ATE ME !

DRINK, BITCH !

"JURASSIC PARK" !

SAMUEL JACKSON,IT'S MY BEER !

"YES, THEY DESERVED TO DIE

AND I HOPETHEY BURN IN HELL !"

DAMN, BLOOMBERGIS FUCKING UP.

MAN, CARTERIS FUCKING UP.

DAMN,TRUMAN IS FUCKING UP.

MAN, LINCOLNIS FUCKING UP.

SON, WHITE FOLKS IN GENERALIS FUCKING UP.

SHHH, THEY COMING.

MAN, THE CHIEF'SFUCKING UP.

HEY, Y'ALL, LOOK.

IT'S A BOAT WITH SOMEWHITE PEOPLE ON IT.

Y'ALL WAIT HERE,I'M GONNA SEE WHAT THEY WANT.

MAN...

I FUCKED UP.

A LOT OF RAPPERS HAVE BEENASKING ME TO BE IN THEIR VIDEOS.

WHICH IS NICE,

BUT THEY ALWAYS WANT METO DO DUMB STUFF.

LIKE, I'LL BE LIKE,"WHAT I GOTTA DO, SNOOP ?"

"OKAY, HERE IT IS, DAVE,IT'S A CLUB SCENE

"AND LIKE, YOU WAS DANCINGAND YOU SLIP ON A BANANA PEEL

"AND YOUR FACE LANDS INSOME DOO DOO-- SPLAT.

"NOW, YOU ROLLING AROUND,GOT DOOKIE ALL OVER YOU.

"AND THENHERE I COME WITH MY GATORS ON.

"MY NOW AND LATER GATORSSTEP OVER YA.

AND ALL YOU SEE IS MEWALKING OFF IN SLOW MOTION."

IT'S LIKE-HOLD UP, NIGGA,

WHY CAN'T I BE THE ONEIN SLOW MOTION ?!

I'M TIRED OF BEINGTHE ONE IN THE DOO-DOO.

EVERYTHING LOOKS BETTERIN SLOW MOTION.

THIS IS THE TRUTH.

FOR INSTANCE,

HERE'S A TAPE OF MEDOING MY LAUNDRY.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING,MRS. KIM ?

NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT.

( laughter )

BUT WHY DON'T WESEE ME DO MY LAUNDRY...

IN SLOW MOTION.

( "Sadeness" playing )

( audience laughing& applauding )

( audience laughing )

( audience laughing& applauding )

( audience laughing )

( cheers & applause )

CRAZY.

ALL RIGHT...

I LIKE IT IN VIDEOS,WHENEVER YOU SEE A CLUB SCENE

CLUB SCENE IS ALWAYSIN SLOW MOTION.

YOU KNOW WHY ?

'CAUSE IT'S GOTTA BE.

'CAUSE IT SUCKS TO BEIN A CLUB IN REGULAR LIFE.

CHECK IT OUT,

THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKETO BE AT A CLUB NORMALLY.

HEY, COME ON, MAN !

EXCUSE ME,EXCUSE ME.

THE ROBOT ?

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

( all gasping )

SORRY ABOUT--

OH !

HE'S SO CORNY !

TERRIBLE, TERRIBLEWHAT THEY DID TO ME.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE A LOOK AT THATIN SLOW MOTION, THOUGH.

( techno music )

( audience laughing )

( audience laughing )

( audience laughing& applauding)

( slow motion )I WANNA SUCK YOUR...

( audience laughing )

( all gasping )

( heat beating in slow motion )

( audience laughing )

( audience laughing& applauding)

( slow motion )ME SO HORNY...

( man in audience )YEAH !

( cheers & applause )

MUCH BETTER.

THAT WASMUCH BETTER.

OF COURSE, WE GOTTAREMEMBER THIS CONCEPT

IS NOT ACROSS THE BOARD.

IT DOESN'T WORKWITH EVERYTHING,

JUST MOST THINGS.

SOME THINGS LOOK WORSEIN SLOW MOTION.

LIKE, FOR INSTANCE,

HERE'S A TAPE OF METAKING A SHIT.

IT HAPPENS.

( farts )

( Dave )OH, HO HO...

PRETTY DISGUSTING.

LET'S SEE THAT SAME SHITIN SLOW MOTION.

( loud gurgle )

( explosion )

( cheers & applause )

Loading...