In The Line of Getting Fired

  • Season 1, Ep 10
  • 03/15/2011

When the CEO arrives to liquidate TelAmeriCorp, it's up to the guys to save the day.

- ALL RIGHT,I GOT A SERIOUS QUESTION.

FOR $100,000 WOULDYOU SUCK A MAN'S PENIS?

- A MAN'S PENIS?I DON'T KNOW.

- YEAH, YOUGET TO PICK THE DUDE.

- SO FINAL DICK APPROVAL?- ALL YOURS.

- CHOOSE ANY DICK I WANT TO?

- WHOEVER'S DICK,EXCEPT FOR ME AND BLAKE'S.

- ALL RIGHT.- WELL...

- THEN YEAH, TOTALLY.DEFINITELY.

- OKAY.- UH-HUH, 100 Gs?

YEAH, I THINK SO.- WHOO!

OKAY,WHAT ABOUT $75,000?

- OH, YEAH.YEAH, FOR SURE.

- LET'S GET REAL.FIVE GRAND?

- YES.- REALLY?

- I'D BE 30 SECONDS AWAYFROM GETTING

A PRETTY SWEETUSED MOTORCYCLE.

- NO, IT WOULD TAKE YOUWAY LONGER THAN THAT, DUDE.

- NO, I THINK--- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

- ARE YOU KIDDING MERIGHT NOW?

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE LIPS?- I HAVE.

- HAVE YOU ENJOYED THE PRESENCEOF ME EATING A KIELBASA?

IT'S RIDONK.- WOW.

- IT'S WEIRD. GIRLS ARE LIKE,"I'M IMPRESSED BY THAT."

- OKAY, HOLD ON.

WHAT IS THE ABSOLUTELEAST AMOUNT OF MONEY

YOU COULD GET PAIDTO BLOW A GUY?

- NOW WE'RE TALKING.- IF I'M HONEST WITH MYSELF?

- YEAH.- I'D HAVE TO SAY...

$900.

[tires screech]- OH, MY GOD!

- WHOA.- OH, MY GOD.

- WAIT, WAIT.- WAS THAT A--

- ARE YOU OKAY?ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- UH...YEAH, YEAH.I THINK SO.

COULD YOU GIVE ME A...?- GOT YOU, BUDDY.

- NO SWEAT.DON'T SWEAT IT.

- DID YOU SAY 900 BUCKS?

- NO, I SAID $9,000.I SAID $9,000.

- I HEARD $900.

- NO, I SAID"THOUSAND," DUDE.

I'VE GOT STANDARDS, I'MNOT JUST BLOWING EVERYBODY.

- WAIT,BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,

JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOWWE KNOW WE GOT OFF

TO A ROCKY STARTTHIS MORNING.

- MM-HM.- BUT IT IS SO NATURAL

FOR PEOPLETO HIT PEOPLE IN CARS.

- YES, IT'S TRULY--IT'S JUSTSOMETHING THAT HAPPENS

IF YOU--IF YOU LIVEIN THE WORLD.

SO YOU DO.

- JUST SIT AND LISTEN.

- SAYING YOU'REMAKING A MISTAKE HERE.

- WOW, THIS IS SO HARSH.

[overlapping chatter]

- I CANNOT GO BACKTO WORKING AT HOT TOPIC,

BECAUSE THEY SAIDI HAVE TO CUT MY HAIR,

AND I COULD'VE SWORETHAT THING WAS PUNK ROCK.

- HEY!SHH.

I'M NOT GONNA FIRE YOU.

- [chuckles]- OKAY.

GREAT.- OH, MY GOSH!

I THOUGHT FOR SUREHE WAS GONNA FIRE US.

WOW.

- I WANNA PAY YOU$10,000 TO KILL ME.

- WHAT?- HUH?

- THAT'S REAL?

- SO I'M JUSTGONNA LEAVE THIS HERE.

YOU GUYS TALK IT OVER.

I'LL BE OUT BACK,WAITING.

TO DIE, HOPEFULLY.

- OKAY, THIS GUY'SINSANE, RIGHT?

- I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.LIKE SUICIDE, RIGHT?

LIKE, IF YOUR MOTHERWAS ON HER DEATH BED,

AND SHE ASKED YOUTO KILL HER,

YOU WOULDN'T JUSTTAKE THE PILLOW, AND...

SMOTHER HER TO HEAVEN?

- ADAM, THIS GUY'SNOT DYING, OKAY?

HE HAD A BAD DAYAT THE OFFICE.

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.- WHO KNOWS?

- NO, WAIT.I AM NOT DONE WITH THAT.

THERE ARE SOME CALIMARI--- SORRY, IT'S REALLY GOOD.

- HE LOVES THIS STUFF.

AND YOU CAN KILL MEHOWEVER YOU WANT.

- SOUNDS AWESOME.

BUT WHAT'STHE TIME FRAME, MAN?

'CAUSE I'M GOINGTO MEXICO NEXT WEEKEND, SO--

- WHOA, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.DUDE...

- CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW.COOL.

HEY, I WOULDN'T BLAME YOUIF YOU DID IT, MAN.

EASE THE PAIN, I GET IT.I'D KILL MY MOTHER.

- CARL, I'LL GIVE YOU$10,000 TO KILL YOURSELF.

- WOW, MAN. WORDS HURT, ANDERS.THEY HURT.

- YOU ARE NOTTALLER THAN ME, MAN.

I KNOWYOU'RE WEARING BOOTS.

I HATE THAT PERSON.

BUT WORD ON THE STREET ISTHAT YOU'RE IN LOVE

WITH THE FIRST LADY.- UH...

I WOULDN'T MINDBA-ROCKING HER WORLD.

- WHOA![laughing]

- WHOA, SOMEBODY HASHAD A LITTLE BIT TO DRINK.

- YOU SHOULD GOGET HER, MAN.

- SHE'S WAY OUTTA MY LEAGUE.

- COME ON,WHAT ARE YOU ALL AFRAID OF?

- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY?

"LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE,LIVE IT TILL YOU DIE."

RIGHT?

OF NATURAL CAUSES.LIKE JUST BEING OLD.

OR WHATEVER.DON'T KILL YOURSELF.

- NOW GO GET HER.

[laughing]- TO LIFE.

RIGHT?all: YEAH.

- TO LIFE.- YEP, WHOO.

- ♪ I'MA GIVE YOUSOMETHING REAL, BABY ♪

♪ I'MA GIVE YOUSOMETHING REAL, SHORTY ♪

♪ NOW CALL MEWHEN YOU'RE HOME ALONE ♪

♪ I'LL BEWAITING BY THE PHONE ♪

♪ SO I CAN PICK UP

♪ AND I CAN, AND I CAN

♪ AND I CAN GIVE YOUSOMETHING REAL, BABY ♪

♪ I'MA GIVE YOUSOMETHING REAL, SHORTY ♪

♪ GIVE IT TO YOULIKE I SHOULD ♪

♪ MAKE YOU FEEL SO GOOD

♪ SO WHEN IGET MY HANDS ON YOU ♪

♪ I'MA--I'MA GIVEYOU SOMETHING-- ♪

- WHOA, WHOA.BITCH, BE COOL!

- JUST KEEPIN' LIVING.all: YEAH!

- I LOVE MY LIFE!

- GOD BLESS AMERICA.

- JOB WELL DONE, BOYS.- THANK YOU.

I'M ABOUT TO GO MAKESOME WHOOPEE WITH WHOOPI.

- NO WAY, DUDE, I CALLED HER.- NO, YOU DIDN'T.

- YES, I DID.- YOU SAW ME OUT THERE WITH HER.

- I SAID"WHOOPI, DIBS, DERS."

I SAID "WHOOPI, DIBS, DERS."- GROW UP, STOP!

- HE'S HERE.COME ON.

- WAIT, WAIT, WHO'S HE--WHAT'S THE PLAN?

- CARL'S GONNA FAKEASSASSINATE ME, DUH.

- YES,THAT'S A GREAT PLAN.

[elevator dings]

- [slow-mo voice]NO!

I TRIED TO CALL!

MIKE SAIDHE LEFT A MESSAGE!

- WAIT, WAIT!

IT'S THE WRONG GUN!- IT'S THE WRONG GUN!

[gunshot]

- UH, YOU SHOT ME,YOU DUMB IDIOT!

- [gun blast noises]

- WHAT THE...?- SEE YA.

- [grunt]

- SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!

YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

- YES, BUT...

IT'S NOTHING YOU WOULDN'THAVE DONE FOR ME, RIGHT?

TELAMERICORP FAMILY.

- ANYTHING YOU WANT, BUDDY.

YOU WANT TO COME TO EGYPT?YOU WANT TEN GRAND?

- HOW ABOUTYOU JUST GO UPSTAIRS,

AND TALK TO THE INVESTORS,AND TELL THEM

YOU'RE NOT LIQUIDATINGTHE COMPANY, ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH, YEAH.YEAH, I CAN DO THAT.

- YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA,BUT WE ALSO WANT TEN GRAND.

- AND EGYPT. HI--- YEAH.

AND IF YOU COULD BRINGTHE TROOPS HOME,

THAT'D BE GREAT AS WELL.

WE COULD JUSTPACKAGE DEAL, RIGHT?

- YOU KNUCKLEHEADS.[chuckles]

- HOW YOU DOING?- AH, GROSS!

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