Key and Peele
Season 1

Babysitting Forest Whitaker

  • Season 1, Ep 8
  • 03/20/2012

President Obama doesn't get special treatment, and a young Forest Whitaker terrifies his babysitter.

- SO YOU HAVE TO TELLEVERY HUMAN BEING IN THE WORLD

THAT THEIR BABY IS CUTEWHETHER IT IS TRUE OR NOT.

YOU JUST HAVE TO.

- KEEGAN MICHAEL-KEY,NICEST GUY IN THE WORLD,

JUST OUTED HIMSELFAS SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T

FIND ALL BABIES CUTE.

- WELL, I MEAN,WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

GO DOWN THE STREET,YOU KNOW,

YOU SEE A LADYWITH HER STROLLER.

"OH, HI."AND YOU PEER IN,

AND THERE'S JUST, LIKE,AN INFANT BODY

AND THEN STEVE BUSCEMI'S HEAD.- YEAH, YOU DON'T...

[laughter]

- THAT'S ROUGH.YOU CAN'T GO,

"WHOA!"

- NO, YEAH.- THAT'S MEAN.

- YEAH, YOU DON'T WANT TOBE PICKING UP A LITTLE BABY

WITH THE HEADOF NEWT GINGRICH,

'CAUSE THAT'SJUST UNATTRACTIVE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT.

- I DON'T WANT TO SEEA LADY BREASTFEEDING, YOU KNOW,

JUST RIGHT HERE...[tongue clicks]

DANNY DEVITO.- YEAH.

- [shudders]

- THERE'S NOTHING CUTE ABOUTA 3-FOOT-TALL FOREST WHITAKER.

- NO, THERE ISN'T.[laughter]

NO, THERE'S NOT.

- TALKING ABOUT"GA-GA GOO-GOO."

[laughter]

- ALL RIGHT,YOU'RE DOING FINE, SWEETIE.

NOW, MALIA, LET'S JUSTGO EASY ON THE GAS HERE

AND COME TO A COMPLETE STOP.

OKAY...

SO IN THE FUTURE,YOU WANT TO TRY

NOT TO GO THROUGHSTOP SIGNS.

[tires screeching]

[siren wailing]- OKAY, JUST REMAIN CALM NOW,

AND WHAT YOU'RE GONNAWANT TO DO IS PULL UP

RIGHT HERENEXT TO THE CURB.

AND THIS IS--THIS IS WHYWE WANT TO STAY IN THE LINES

AND WE WANT TOFOLLOW RULES, OKAY?

REMEMBER THIS.

[police chatter over radio]

- LICENSEAND REGISTRATION...

HOLY...MR. PRESIDENT!

- YEAH, YEAH, JUST, UH,TEACHING MALIA TO DRIVE HERE.

- WELL, YOU GUYSRAN A STOP SIGN BACK THERE,

BUT THAT'S OKAY.YOU CAN GO.

- OH, NO, NO, NO.MALIA'S GOTTA LEARN

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO DRIVEIN THE REAL WORLD HERE.

THIS IS CALLEDCONSEQUENCES, MALIA.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO GO AHEADAND TREAT US LIKE YOU WOULD

IF I WEREN'TTHE PRESIDENT.

NOT EXACTLYWHAT I HAD IN MIND.

- MRS. WHITAKER, I HAVEBEEN BABYSITTING FOR 20 YEARS.

I'VE SEEN IT ALL.

- THE THING IS,FOREST IS A UNIQUE CHILD.

- EVERYTHINGIS GONNA BE FINE.

I WANT YOU TO HAVEA GOOD TIME TONIGHT.

YOU DESERVE IT.

- OKAY, UM...

GOOD LUCK.- THANK YOU.

[sighs]

[eerie music]

- GOO-GOO GA-GA.[heavy footsteps]

- [recoils]

HEY THERE, FOREST.

- GOO-GOO GA-GA.

I WANT...

I WANT MILK.

- YOU WANT ME TO GET YOUYOUR BOTTLE, BUDDY?

- I WANT MILK!- OKAY.

- THIS IS A BA-BA.

I WANT MAMA'S MILK.

WHY CAN'T I HAVEMAMA'S MILK?

IT'S A SIMPLE REQUEST.

- WELL, YEAH, WELL, UH,

Y-YOU CAN'T HAVE MAMA'S MILKRIGHT NOW, BUDDY.

UM, HOW ABOUT WE PLAY?

- OKAY.

I WANT...

I WANT--I WANNA PLAY WITH MY LEGOS.

- OKAY, YEAH.

OKAY, BUDDY, LET'S, UH,GET YOUR LEGOS THEN.

- I WANNA...

I WANNA PUTTHE SMALLEST LEGO IN MY MOUTH.

THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.- NO, NO, NO.

YOU CAN'T--YOU CAN'T DO THAT.- WHAT?

FIRST YOU TELL MEI CAN'T HAVE MAMA'S MILK.

NOW I CAN'T HAVETHE SMALLEST LEGO IN MY MOUTH?

WHAT A NIGHT.

THIS IS A BAD START.

- WAIT, BUT FOREST,IT'S DANGEROUS.

- LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU'RE IN CHARGE OF ME?IN MY HOUSE?

- ALL RIGHT, F-FOREST,I-IT'S TIME FOR BED.

- I GUESS THENYOU GONNA SING ME A SONG.

- WHAT?

- MOMMA ALWAYS SINGS ME A SONGBEFORE I GO TO SLEEP.

ARE YOU GONNADO THAT FOR ME?

- OKAY, OKAY.YEAH.

YES, I WILL.

♪ HUSH, LITTLE BABYDON'T SAY A WORD ♪

- KEEP--KEEP SINGING.

- ♪ MAMA'S GONNABUY YOU A MOCKINGBIRD ♪

- PUT MY NAME IN IT.

I LIKE--I LIKE IT PERSONAL.

- ♪ HUSH, BABY FOREST WHITAKERDON'T SAY A WORD ♪

- GOO-GOO GA-GA.

- ♪ MAMA'S GONNABUY YOU A MOCKINGBIRD ♪

- GOOD BABYSITTER.

- ♪ AND IF THAT MOCKINGBIRDDON'T SING ♪

- HAVE A GOOD CRY.

- [sobbing]♪ MAMA'S GONNA BUY YOU

♪ A DIAMOND RING

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