The Promotion

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 04/27/2011

Rumors of a possible promotion spread at work and test the guys' allegiances as they all vie for the new job.

- [screams]

[grunts]

HI, ARE YOU THE LOCKSMITH?

I'M GLAD YOU THINKIT'S HILARIOUS,

BUT I NEED TO GET ITOFF MY NECK!

[screams]COME ON!

- OKAY.

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT THISALL SETTLED UP,

SO I'M GONNA GO AHEADAND GET TWO DOZEN

THROWING STARSOUT TO YOUR RESIDENCE

IN BELLEVUE, NEBRASKA.

YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY THAT,MR. JOHNSON.

THANK YOU.OKAY, I LOVE YOU TOO. THANKS.

- GOOD MORNING.- WHOA. YOU ARE LATE.

- YES,BECAUSE YOU STOLE MY CAR.

- WELL,BOSSES RIDE ALONE, RIGHT?

- I'M GUESSING YOU GUYS

DIDN'T BRING THE KEY TO THISTO THE OFFICE.

- UH, NO,ACTUALLY THE KEY IS HERE.

IT'S--IT'S IN OUR CUBICLE.

- YEAH, AND YOU'RE ACTUALLYPRETTY WARM RIGHT NOW, ANDERS.

both:WARMER.

- YES. YES. THERE WE GO.THE CHASE IS ON.

- THERE YOU GO.ANDERS ON THE HUNT.

- YOU ARE WARM.SEARCH, SEARCH, SEARCH.

- KEEPING IT WARM.

YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCOOLED DOWN.

- GUYS, I HAVE TO PREPTHE CONFERENCE ROOM

IN, LIKE, FIVE SECONDS.

- DUDE,YOU'RE REALLY CLOSE.

- YEAH. KEEP--BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

- [clears throat]

HEY, ALICE.

- ANDERS.

- MORNING.

- THE, UM, CLIENTS ARE HERE.

- YEAH. HEY.ANDERS HOLMVIC. WELCOME.

- INTERESTING NAME.ARE YOU FINNISH?

- NO, SIR.I'M JUST GETTING STARTED.

- [nervous laughter]

OKAY, UH, ANDERS IS OURNEWEST SALES REPRESENTATIVE.

SO...

WHY DON'T, UM, YOU GO AHEAD ANDHEAD INTO THE CONFERENCE ROOM,

AND I'LL MEET YOU THEREIN JUST A MINUTE, OKAY?

- YEAH, I WAS JUST GONNA SAYLET'S GO TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

- NO,YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE.

I JUST WANTTO CONGRATULATE YOU, ANDERS,

'CAUSE YOU MADE IT24 WHOLE HOURS.

GIVE ME THE EXECUTIVEBATHROOM KEY NOW.

- ANDERS, YOU HAVE A...

[clears throat]A LITTLE...

- YEAH.- ...BIKE LOCK RIGHT HERE.

- I KNOW, JILLIAN.

- I COULD JUST TELLIT WAS BOTHERING ALICE, SO...

- YEAH. GREAT.- ALL RIGHT.

- THANKS A LOT.

OKAY, YOU GUYS HAVE WON.

NOW PLEASE GIVE ME THE KEYS.

both:COLDER.

COLDER.

- OOH.- ICE COLD.

- REALLY COLD.- OH, THAT IS SO COLD.

WAIT A SECOND.

IF THIS IS THE KEYTO THE BATHROOM

ON THE BIKE LOCK KEY CHAIN,

THEN THAT MEANSTHAT YOU JUST GAVE AWAY...

OH, YOU GET IT.NOW YOU GET IT.

- HE'S NO DUMMY.HE'S NO DUMMY.

- WE GOT YOU, BRO!

THOSE WHEELS ARE A-TURNING.

- DERS.

- 20 MINUTES LATE.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE MELOOK GOOD AT ALL.

- WELL, YOU TOOK THE CAR,

SO WE HAD TO SHAREMY ROLLER BLADES.

- BOSSES RIDE ALONE.

- NICE SUIT, BY THE WAY.

WHAT, DID YOU GET DRAFTEDBY THE DENVER NUGGETS?

- LOOK LIKE YOU'RE READYTO SELL ME A HONDA SOL.

- I'M THE SENIORSALES ASSOCIATE NOW.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

THAT MEANS I HAVE JURISDICTIONOVER THE HAVE-NOTS,

THE GREAT UNWASHED, YOU GUYS.

I'M YOUR BOSS.YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW MY RULES.

- DID YOU WET YOUR HAIR DOWNTO COME TALK TO US?

- I DIDN'T WET--- NO, YOU DID. OBVIOUSLY.

YOU OBVIOUSLY DID.

- WHY DON'T WE GO TO MY OFFICE,OKAY?

YOU GUYS CAN SEEMY ERGONOMIC KEYBOARD,

MY WIRELESS MOUSE,

AND I'M GONNA THINKOF ALL SORTS OF THINGS

FOR YOU GUYS TO DO TODAY.

ARE MY WORKER BEESREADY TO BUZZ THE HIVE?

YEAH, BACK AND FORTH.SHORT STROKES.

MAKE SUREYOU FEEL THE BRISTLES

MASSAGING THE CARPET.

THAT'S HOWYOU'RE GONNA CLEAN.

IS THAT A PERSONAL CALL?

PLEASE HANG IT UP.

I'VE BEEN PROMOTED!

SEE THE SUIT?

YOU GETTING IN THERE?

- YEAH.

- COME ON.I WANT TO HEAR IT.

HEY, CYNTHIA.IS THAT A PERSONAL CALL?

PLEASE HANG IT UP.

SIT YOUR ASS DOWNRIGHT NOW.

HANG IT UP.HANG IT UP.

GREAT. THANKS.ANY SALES TODAY?

I LET CYNTHIA GO TODAY.

THAT WAS ROUGH.

OH, GUYS.

STILL WORKING HARD.

THAT SHOWS A LOT OF FORTITUDE.

THAT'S GONNA GOA LONG WAY WITH ME.

REALLY HAPPY TO SEE THIS.

OH, HEY, ALICE.

YOU SEE THESE GUYSJUST SLAVING AWAY?

REALLY BEING TEAM PLAYERS.

- WOW. YEAH.NOBODY CARES.

LOOK, UM, THE CUTCO REPS

ARE GONNA BE HEREAT 10:00 A.M. TOMORROW,

SO I NEEDTHE CONFERENCE ROOM PREPPED.

- RIGHT. OKAY.

- AND LAY OFF THE STYLING GEL,BRADLEY COOPER.

- WOW. BRADLEY COOPER.THANK YOU.

- YEAH, BUT IMAGINE ITWAY, WAY HAIRIER.

- OH, MAN.THAT--THAT'S A PROBLEM.

- RIGHT?- GOT TO SEE THAT IN PERSON.

- OH, WELL, WELL, WELL.

LOOK WHAT WE GOT HERE.

BLAKE SCHMOOZINGWITH THE HELP.

THINK YOUR WAY TO THE TOP'STHROUGH THE BOTTOM, BUDDY?

I VOTE WRONG.

- ADAM, I DON'T WANTTHAT STUPID PROMOTION.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU.

- YEAH, OKAY, BLAKE, AND YOURHAIR DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A WIG.

GUESS WHAT. IT DOES.EVERYONE THINKS SO.

WE'RE ALL TALKING ABOUT IT.- I DON'T THINK SO.

- LET'S JUST CONSIDER ME HAVINGTHIS PROMOTION LOCKED UP.

I JUST TALKED WITH ALICE.IT'S PRETTY OFFICIAL.

- TALES FROMAN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

AS TOLD BY ADAM DEVINE.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,JILLIAN.

- IT MEANS ANDERS PRETTY MUCHHAS THIS SEWN UP.

DID YOU SEE THAT BINDERHE SHOWED ALICE?

OH, MY GOSH.IT HAD GRAPHS. IN COLOR.

- WOW, COLOR, GRAPHS.

I DID THAT WHENI WAS IN 11TH GRADE, I THINK.

- WELL, IT IMPRESSED ALICE,

'CAUSE SHE WANTS TO SEEA POWERPOINT RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.

SO GOOD FOR HIM, RIGHT?- YEAH.

- MAN, I LOVE HIM.♪ FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

AND NOBODY CAN--

NOBODY--BUT I CAN--

- MM-HMM.

- NOBODY C--I'LL GET THIS.

- OKAY.- BUT I...CAN...

I'M GONNALOOK UP THOSE LYRICS.

- YOU GOT IT.- ALL RIGHT.

- THAT WAS GOOD.- BYE, BLAKE.

- BYE, JILLIAN.- SEE YOU, ADAM.

- BYE.

SO DERS IS DOINGACTUAL WORK, HUH?

THAT IS CHEATING,DUDE, RIGHT?

WE CANNOT LET HIMGET THIS PROMOTION.

- UM, NOPE. YOU'RE NOT ROPING MEINTO THIS ONE, BUD.

- BLAKE, YOU ARE ROPED.

YOU ARE FULLY ROPED,YOUNG CALF.

COULD YOU IMAGINEDERS BEING YOUR BOSS?

- ACTUALLY,I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.

- YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA BEA MUCH COOLER BOSS THAN HIM.

EXECUTIVE BATHROOM?

MORE LIKE BLAKE'S PERSONALMASTURBATING CHAMBER.

- OH, I'D LIKE THAT.

- YEAH, ME TOO!AND SO IT IS WRITTEN.

LET US FORM AN ALLIANCE.

- LIKE, UH, WOODYAND BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, RIGHT?

- YEAH, OKAY.TO INFINITY.

- AND BEYOND.

- AH, HA.THAT WAS EASY.

[alarm beeping]

- AAH!

- MORNING, CHAMP.

[laughs]

- FUNNY HOW THINGS...WORK OUT.

- ♪ I NEED A FIX

♪ I NEED TO FIX MY IGNITION

- FLOWER POWER, DUDE.

- ANDERS,WHY ARE YOU MESSING AROUND?

WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK.

- WHAT IS GOING ON?WHY ARE YOU GUYS DOING THIS?

- WHY DO I LOVE MY MOMSO MUCH?

- WHY DO KIDS STARTAT DIFFERENT READING LEVELS?

- WHY ARE GIRLS PRETTY?

- WHY DO I GET SLEEPYAFTER I TOUCH MYSELF?

- NO MORE PRANKS, OKAY?

WE'RE NOT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE.

WE'RE GROWN-UPS!SO ACT LIKE IT.

JUST--JUST ACTLIKE GROWN-UPS, PLEASE, OKAY?

THANK YOU.

OW!

OH, THIS IS NOT EVEN FUNNY!

- OH, WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA BREAKON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE?

JIM MORRISON?THE DOORS?

'CAUSE OF THE...THERE'S A DOOR FRAME.

AND THE...'CAUSE IF Y--

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