High on Potenuse

  • Season 3, Ep 8
  • 11/06/2013

A guy learns how to buy drugs in public, and an executive tests a speech for political correctness.

- THE RIGHT TRIANGLE'SLONGEST SIDE

IS CALLED THE HYPOTENUSE,

AND IT'S THIS SIDE HERE.

- HEY, I WISH I WERE HIGHON POTENUSE.

- [giggles]

"I WISH I WAS HIGHON POTENUSE."

[laughter]

- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

OH, MR. MORRISON,IT'S VERY FUNNY.

IT'S VERY FUNNY, BUT LET'SGET BACK TO THE LESSON.

WE CAN SEE THE LONGEST ONE

WHERE IT GOESFROM THIS POINT--

- THAT WAS MY JOKE.

- I KNOW, MAN.THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

- TRIANGLE.I'VE LABELED THEM HERE

"A," "B," AND "C."- NO, BUT, I MEAN, I SAID THAT.

I SAID IT.

I SAID IT.I SAID THAT.

- PLEASE, PLEASE, MR. JACKSON,KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF.

THANK YOU.

NOW THE HYPOTENUSE--[laughter]

MR. MORRISON,YOU REALLY GOT ME ON THAT ONE.

OH, SO GREAT.

OH, OH, PRINCIPAL MARTEL,PRINCIPAL MARTEL, COME HERE,

COME HERE,COME HERE.

TELL PRINCIPAL MARTELWHAT YOU SAID, TROY.

- OH, SHE WAS TALKINGABOUT THE HYPOTENUSE,

AND I SAID, "I WISHI WAS HIGH ON POTENUSE."

[laughter]

I'M SORRY.

[laughter continues]HE LIKES IT.

PRINCIPAL MARTEL'S COOL.

- OH, THAT'S--THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

- PRINCIPAL MARTEL,PRINCIPAL MARTEL, I SAID THAT.

- MR. JACKSON,THAT IS ENOUGH.

- BUT I SAID IT FIRST.- DUDE, COME ON.

- MR. IGLESIAS,MR. IGLESIAS,

YES, COME IN,COME IN.

- [gasps]- YEAH.

YES.WHAT'S UP, PEOPLES?

- FLUFFY.- COMEDIAN GABRIEL IGLESIAS

IS TOURINGTHE LOCAL SCHOOLS TODAY

FOR A CHARITYHE'S WORKING ON.

TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAID.TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAID.

- UH, I WISH I WAS HIGHON POTENUSE.

[laughter]

- OH, MY GOD.THAT IS CLEVER.

THAT IS CLEVER.VERY FUNNY.

- NO. NO.- VERY FUNNY.

- RIGHT?THANKS, THANKS.

- MR. IGLESIAS,MR. IGLESIAS,

I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.

THAT WAS MY JOKE.

- YOU KNOW,IT'S NOT REALLY COOL, BUDDY,

TO TAKE CREDITFOR OTHER PEOPLE'S JOKES.

HEY, LISTEN,FUNNY STUFF.

I'M DOING THIS BIG TOURRIGHT NOW.

YOU WANT TO SEE ABOUT MAYBE WECOULD TALK ABOUT YOU OPENING?

I NEED AN OPENER.

- UM, SURE.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK?IS THAT OKAY?

- OF COURSE. OF COURSE.- YEAH.

- [gasps]WHAT?

- SORRY ABOUT THAT.- TALENT, MAN.

- IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.THANKS SO MUCH.

- THAT'S LIKE A RICHARD PRYOR.GET OVER HERE, MAN.

COME ON.- RICHARD PRYOR.

- HE DESERVED IT.

ALL RIGHT, SO ACROSSFROM THE LONGEST SIDE

IS A 90-DEGREE ANGLE.

- GOOD THING I'VE GOTA 90-DEGREE DANGLE.

- JOEL, STOP IT!YOU WILL NEVER BE TROY!

- WHY ARE YOU TRYINGTO BE LIKE TROY?

DICK.

- ET TU, NERDY GIRL?

- [snickers]

- SO THE HYPOTENU--[laughter]

- WHAT THE [bleep]IS GOING ON?

- I'M GONNA PISS MY PANTS.

I'M GONNA PISS MY PANTSRIGHT HERE.

OH, MY GOD!OH!

- GOOD EVENING,MY FELLOW AMERICANS.

EVERY DAY OUR CITIZENS IMPROVETHE LIVES OF THOSE AROUND THEM.

TODAY WE HONOR TROY MORRISON.

NOW TROY WAS IN GEOMETRY CLASS

WHEN HIS TEACHER MENTIONEDTHE HYPOTENUSE OF A TRIANGLE.

TROY SAID, "I WISH I WAS HIGHON POTENUSE."

THAT REALLY CRACKED ME UP,

AND IT CRACKED UPTHE REST OF AMERICA TOO,

SO TODAY I'M PLEASEDTO PRESENT TROY

WITH THE CONGRESSIONALCOMEDY MEDAL OF HONOR.

TROY, ON BEHALFOF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY,

I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU

FOR YOUR FANTASTIC,OFF-THE-CUFF LINE.

YOU ARE A TRUE COMEDY HERO.

- THANK YOU, SIR.THANK YOU.

AND ALSO, MR. PRESIDENT,I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

- WHAT'S THAT?OH! HE GOT ME ONE.

YES.THESE ARE SOLD OUT.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GETMY HANDS ON ONE OF THESE.

THANKS, TROY.OH, MY GOD.

"HIGH ON POT-ENUSE."

- AND WE'RE COMING TO THE ENDOF THE FIRST QUARTER

WITH THE RHINOS IN THE RED ZONEFOR THE FIRST TIME.

- GOTTA SAY, BILL, I LIKEWATCHING THESE RHINOS.

- RANSOM TAKES THE SNAP,DROPS BACK WITH GOOD PROTECTION,

AND THAT'S A COMPLETED PASSTO A VERY WIDE-OPEN

HINGLE MCCRINGLEBERRY,THE ROOKIE OUT OF PENN STATE.

- NICE GRAB BY MCCRINGLEBERRY.YOU THINK HE'S HAPPY?

- OH, BOY, HE IS LOVING ITDOWN THERE.

- OH, WE GOT SOMETHINGOF A SHOOTING GALLERY GOING ON.

- YEAH, LOOK AT THAT.BOY, THAT IS SOMETHING, AND--

OH, WAIT, WE'VE GOTA FLAG THERE.

IS THATFOR EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION?

OH, SEE, I'M NOT SUREABOUT THAT CALL.

- I DON'T KNOW, BILL.THAT WAS THREE PUMPS,

AND THE RULEBOOK SAYSYOU CANNOT HAVE MORE THAN TWO.

- OH, MY GOSH,BUT LOOK AT THE KID.

HE'S PLEADING HIS CASEWITH THE REF.

PLEADING HIS CASE.

- YEAH, CLEARLY THREE PUMPS.

- COACH JOHNSONDEFINITELY NOT HAPPY

ABOUT THIS CALL.- TWO PUMPS!

- FIVE MINUTESINTO THE FOURTH QUARTER,

THIRD AND TEN, THE RHINOS AGAINTHREATENING TO SCORE.

CAN THE COUGARS HOLD THEM?

- BIG PLAY COMING HERE, BILL.

- RANSOM TAKES THE SNAP,DROPS BACK,

HE FLOATS ONEINTO THE END ZONE,

AND MCCRINGLEBERRYPULLS IT DOWN.

- HE'S GOT IT.- OH, MY GOSH.

FOR HIS SECOND TOUCHDOWNOF THE DAY FOR THIS ROOKIE,

HE HAS GOTTA BE FEELING GREATABOUT HIMSELF.

- NICELY DONE.I'LL TELL YOU, MAN, HE'S--

- OH, OH, SEE,NOW THERE'S TWO PUMPS.

- YEAH, HE'S REALLY TESTINGTHE BOUNDARIES,

AND HE'S CLEARLYGOTTEN THE REF'S ATTENTION HERE.

- A THIRD PUMP WILL DRAW A FLAGNO MATTER WHAT.

- [blows whistle]- SEE--OH, HE JUST DID IT AGAIN.

NOW WHAT IS THAT,THE SECOND TIME?

NOW YOU HAVETO FLAG HIM ON THIS.

- YEAH, HE HAD TO.YOU KNOW, BILL,

IT'S JUST FRUSTRATINGSEEING YOUNG PLAYERS

WITHOUT THE ABILITYTO RESTRAIN THEMSELVES.

- NO, IT REALLY IS.IT'S HARD.

- I MEAN, THE REF'SGONNA GET YOU EVERY TIME.

- YEAH.YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

SEE, NOW THE REF AGREESTHAT'S THREE PUMPS

RIGHT THERE.

AND THE QUARTERBACK RANSOMUNDER CENTER.

LAST FIVE MINUTES OF THE GAME.

THE RHINOSARE MARCHING HERE AGAIN.

- HARD TO STOP THIS TEAMFROM SCORING, BILL.

THEY HAVE SO MANY WEAPONS.

- RANSOM TAKES THE SNAP.

AND IT'S A SHOVEL PASSTO MCCRINGLEBERRY, WHO--

HE'S AT THE 10.HE'S AT THE 5.

AND TOUCHDOWN, RHINOS.- OH, MY.

GREAT BLOCK BY HARDUNKICHUD,AND THAT'S GONNA BE

TOUGH FOR THE COUGARSTO COME BACK FROM.

- BOY, WHAT A CAREER DAYFROM HINGLE MCCRINGLEBERRY,

THE ROOKIE OUT OF PENN STATE.

OH, HE WAS JUST AMAZINGLYFIRED UP HERE TODAY, JIM.

- YOU GOTTA LOVETHE WAY THIS GUY PLAYS,

AND HE--both: OHH.

- SEE, NOW THERE'S ONE PUMP.- UH-OH.

- I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS KID.

- YOU GOT TO PUT YOUR TEAM FIRSTIN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS,

AND MCKRINGLEBERRY'SJUST NOT DOING THAT.

- NOW THERE'S TWO.JEFF, NOW IF HE PUMPS

A THIRD TIME,HE WILL DRAW HIS THIRD PENALTY

FOR TODAY.

EVERYBODY HERE WAITINGWITH BATED BREATH.

- HE DID IT.- OH, DID HE?

- YES, HE DID IT.- OH. THAT'S JUST--

- COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF.- THAT'S JUST AMAZING.

I MEAN, COME ON,IN PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL--

- IT'S A SHAME.THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

- YES, YES, IT IS.- YOU CAN ARGUE ALL YOU WANT,

BUT THE FLAG, WELL,IT'S BEEN THROWN.

- THAT'S RIGHT.IF IT'S THREE PUMPS,

THE REF'SNOT GONNA TAKE IT AWAY NOW.

- NO, HE'S NOT.DURATION AND INTENSITY

DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.- WELL, JEFF, LET'S HAVE A LOOK

AT THE REPLAY HERETO SEE IF INDEED HE DID DO

THE THREE PUMPS.- ALL RIGHT. NO QUESTION.

THERE IS THE FIRST ONE, RIGHT?- YEAH. AGREED.

- AND THEN COMING UP

IS THE SECOND ONE.- OKAY.

- YES, VERY CLEAR.

IT'S THE THIRD--- WE'LL SEE IT.

IT'S COMING UP RIGHT HERE.- I'M JUST NOT SURE.

OH, YEAH,YOU'RE RIGHT.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELYTHREE PUMPS THERE.

- OH.- UH, APOLOGIES TO ALL

THOSE WATCHINGWITH YOUNG CHILDREN.

CLEARLY UNINTENTIONAL.

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