Can I Finish?/Armond About Town

  • 02/13/2013

A look into the lives of men with ponytails and Dr. Armond's search for love.

- BLINK 182 OR 311?

- 311.

- 311'S A GOOD BAND.- YEAH.

- HERE WE AREAT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

THIS IS WHERE I WAITEDFOR ANGEL AND MATTHEW.

THEY NEVERSHOWED UP,

AND SO I SLICED UPTHOSE TIRES.

SLASH.RETRIBUTION.

MY BOY ANGELDOES SOUND FOR ME.

HE DOES A BAD JOB

'CAUSE HE'S TOO BUSYSMOKING METH ALL DAY.

I SAID, "ANGEL,GET OFF THAT TINA.

GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER."

HE SAID, "NO, I'M GONNA DOWHAT I DO."

I SAID,"YOU LEAVE ME ALONE.

"I'M NOT GONNATAKE THIS TONIGHT.

"'CAUSE IF WEGO IN THE AREA TONIGHT,

"WE GONNA HAVE FUN.

"AND I DON'T WANT TOTHINK ABOUT WORK

WHEN I'M NOT AT WORK."

AND ANGEL'S LIKE,"NO, NO, NO.

I WORK FOR YOU.I DON'T WORK FOR ANYBODY."

I SAID,"YOU DON'T WORK FOR ME.

NOT ANYMORE."

YOU KNOW?ISN'T THAT--

ISN'T THAT THE TRUTHWHEN YOU WORK WITH FRIENDS?

- WHAT THIS IS?

- I'VE LOST MY WIFE.I'VE LOST MY HOUSE.

AND I'M HAVINGTHE TIME OF MY LIFE.

[glasses clink]

- ♪ TODAY THERE'S A CHANGEIN MY LIFE ♪

♪ AND I'M FEELING ALIVE ♪

- ONE FOR THE DIVORCEE SUITE.

- ♪ TODAY THERE'S A CHANGEIN MY LIFE ♪

♪ THAT'S LIFE ♪

[phone rings]

GO FOR DR. ARMOND,

CALIFORNIA'S PREMIERPET PLASTIC SURGEON.

- WHAT'S UP, DOC?- OH.

KELSEY, HOW ARE YOU?

- WHAT TIME ARE WE GOING TOHIT THE TITTY BARS?

- NOT TONIGHT,MY FRIEND.

TONIGHT I'VE GOT A DATE.

I WAS RECENTLY INTRODUCED TOONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

I'VE EVER MET.

I'M ENTRANCED BY HER

AND HOPE TO TAKE HERTO A HOTEL RESTAURANT.

I'M NOT SURE IFTHE SEXUAL CHEMISTRY'S THERE,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'VE FINALLYFOUND A REAL PARTNER.

- PLAY THE FIELD, MY FRIEND!PLAY THE FIELD.

[chuckles]HOW'S YOUR HAIR?

- IT'S HOLDING UP, KELS,BUT MY BACKHAND IS OUTTA SIGHT.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKEARMOND IS AT IT AGAIN.

I'VE MADE A RESERVATION FOR USAT THE HOTEL RESTAURANT.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEINGIF THERE ARE ANY SPARKS.

OH, THERE SHE IS.

WOW...

SHE LOOKS AMAZING.

HERE SHE COMES.

THE CHEMISTRYWAS PALPABLE.

MMM.

THIS ISVERY GOOD TORTILLA SOUP.

- YEAH,IT'S DELICIOUS.

- HAVE YOU HADTORTILLA SOUP BEFORE?

- MM-HMM. I HAVE.- MM-HMM.

- AND SO, SHANNON...

- YES, DOCTOR...- DO YOU--?

- AR--ARMOND?- ARMOND.

- ARMOND.

YEAH, I THINKTHAT'S MORE ROMANTIC.

I THINKIF I CALLED YOU "DOCTOR,"

IT WOULD BE TOO MUCHOF A PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIP.

- SURE.

SO SHANNON, TELL ME--

- YES, ARMOND?

- DO YOU HAVE HOPES AND DREAMS?- MM-HMM.

- EVER SINCEI SPLIT WITH MY EX,

I'M TRYING TO TURN OVERA NEW LEAF.

I'VE GOT A NEW CAR.

IT'S A MUSTANG.IT'S GREEN.

- MY BEETLE'S BEIGE.

[dog barking]

- IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,I HAVE RECEIVED A TEXT MESSAGE.

I WAS FALLING HEAD-OVER-HEELSIN LOVE WITH SHANNON,

DESPITE KELSEY'SBEST EFFORTS,

AND YET, THERE WAS ONEBIG OBSTACLE STILL TO OVERCOME.

HEY, RO?

- YEAH?

- YOU READYTO BE MY BEST MAN, ROMAN?

- FINE,BUT I'M GONNA NEED $10,000

FOR YOUR BACHELOR PARTY.

- DEAL.- AND YOU'RE NOT COMING.

- YOU'RE QUITETHE NEGOTIATOR, ROMAN.

- MAYBE YOU COULD ORDER MEA BUNCH OF FOOD

AND THEN TAKE, LIKE,A TWO-HOUR WALK.

- ROMAN,I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

- SHUT UP.

- NEXT WEEK,ON THE TWO-HOUR SERIES FINALE

OF ARMOND ABOUT TOWN...

LET'S JUST THROW CAUTIONTO THE WALL

AND REALLY GO FOR THIS.

[wedding music]

I FEEL LIKE CINDERELLA.

- YO, I CAN'T DOTHIS WHOLE WEDDING THING.

I'M SORRY, I GOTTA GO.PEACE, MAN.

[dramatic music]

- KELSEY, I NEED YOUTO BE MY BEST MAN.

- WELCOME BACKTO CAN I FINISH?

THINGS GOT PRETTY OUT OF CONTROLON THAT LAST ROUND.

THAT CANNOT HAPPENAGAIN.

TODAY, WE'RE TALKING ABOUTTHE PROLIFERATION

OF TALKING HEADSON THE NEWS.

IS ALL THIS SQUAWKADDING UP TO SQUAT?

LET'S TAKE IT TO THE PEOPLEIN THE TINY BOXES.

[shouting] LUKE BENNETT,ANY THOUGHTS ON THAT?

- IT'S SIMPLY A GAMEOF MATHEMATICS.

IF YOU LOOK ATTHE SIMPLE FACT...

- EXCUSE ME.- OF WHO IS CONTROL...

- EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!- OF THE MEDIA,

THE CORPORATE--EXCUSE ME.- MAY I--CAN I TALK?

- LET ME FINISH.- LET'S TAKE THIS ONE

OUT TO SEA.CAPTAIN JACK!

- WHEN A BOAT SINKS,EVERYONE BLAMES THE CAPTAIN,

LIKE ON THE TITANIC.

- EXCUSE ME!- IT'S NOT ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!

- MAY I FINISH PLEASE?- YES.

YOU CAN FINISH, MARK!

- IT'S GIVE AND TAKE.- AND STUCK AT SEA

FOR FIVE MONTHS.- I'VE HEARD WHAT YOU--

- LET ME FINISH!- RIGHT, RIGHT.

BUT WHAT IS JOHN Q. PUBLICSUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT THIS?

GO AHEAD, MEEK WOMAN.- THANKS, JIM.

UH, WHAT I WAS TRYINGTO SAY BEFORE, UH, WAS--

- WHO CARES WHAT THIS DOG WOMANHAS TO SAY?

- EXCUSE ME!MAY I FINISH? PLEASE?

- ALL RIGHT, LOOK, MARKCAN'T TAKE YES FOR AN ANSWER.

[screaming]MEEK WOMAN, I WANT TO HEAR

WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!- THANKS, JIM.

WHAT I WAS TRYINGTO SAY BEFORE IS THAT--

- TIME'S UP.FLIP THE BOXES.

- DOG--- THANK YOU, JIM. FINALLY!

THE METS ARETHE WORKING-CLASS MAN'S TEAM.

- PENALTY BOX.THE METS ARE OFF-LIMITS.

CUT HIS MIC.

WE GOT A TWEET HEREFROM @AKABOBBYB.

HE SAYS, "NO DISRESPECT,BECAUSE I RESPECT YOU,

BUT CAN I FINISH?"

WELL,WHAT ABOUT THAT?

SHOUTMAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?AND PLEASE DON'T SHOUT.

- [shouting]I WILL NOT STOP SHOUTING!

- YEP.- EXCUSE ME, CAN I FINISH?

- DR. ARMOND,WHY ARE YOU HERE?

- JUST LIKE DOGS HAVE A RIGHTTO GET PLASTIC SURGERY,

I HAVE A RIGHT TO SP--

- OKAY, TIMEFOR THE CIRCLE ROUND.

MEEK WOMAN, SPEAK!

- EXCUSE ME, CAN I FINISH?both: CAN I FINISH?

- JINX! ONE OF YOUOWES THE OTHER ONE A COKE!

- [scoffs]- OKAY, METS FAN,

YOU AREOUT OF THE BOX.

- EVER.YOU KNOW, BUCKNER.

THAT WASN'T HIS FAULT.- [stutters] JUST SPIT IT OUT!

THAT WAS METS POSITIVITY.- JUST SPIT IT OUT!

- GUYS, GUYS.WE NEED TO SEE THOSE BOXES

TURNED INTO DIAMONDS.

- EXCUSE ME, WHY IS THIS GUYTALKING ABOUT BASEBALL?

- CAN I FINISH, LUKE?

- WE ARE OUT OF TIME.EVERYBODY FINISH.

JUST DO A QUICK FINISH.- I AM SHOUTING AT YOU!

- AH! HE'S IN MY BOX!- FOLKS.

TWITTER ME AT--[overlapping shouting]

HEY, I'M TRYING TO TELL THEMTHE TWITTER ADDRESS!

EVERYBODY KEEPS TELLING MEIT'S IMPORTANT

THAT THEY TWEET ME--[overlapping yelling]

THE TWITTER--- MAY I FINISH?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?I'M GONNA GET EVERY--

[overlapping yelling]

FORGET IT!THERE'S NO POINT IN IT!

SOMEBODY'S JOB'S GOTTA BETO FIGURE OUT WHO TALKS WHEN!

I CAN'T DO IT'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW!

- I AM SHOUTING LOUDLY!

- [grunts]

[exhales]

- THEY HAVE FAMILIESAND JOBS.

THEY ARE HUSBANDS, SONS,AND UNCLES.

THEY LIVE DIFFERENT LIVES,BUT THERE'S ONE THING

THEY ALL HAVE IN COMMON.

[soft guitar music]

♪ ♪

- IT'S NICETO BE YOUR OWN BOSS,

BUT I-I DO GETA LITTLE STIR CRAZY SOMETIMES.

I MEAN,THIS IS EVERYTHING.

THIS IS WORK,THIS IS HOME, THIS IS,

YOU KNOW,MY BREAK ROOM.

I TRY TO STAYPRETTY DISCIPLINED

ABOUT KEEPING ITA WORK ENVIRONMENT.

YOU KNOW, I WISH THATI DID HAVE SOME COWORKERS

TO JOSH AROUND WITHAND, YOU KNOW...

[inhales deeply, exhales]

WORK SHOULD BEA LITTLE BIT FUN TOO.

♪ ♪

- SEE, I GREW UPIN THE '60s, WHICH WAS--

IT'S AN EXCITING TIME,

AND I LOST MY VIRGINITYAT THE LIBRARY AT BERKELEY,

WHICH WAS EXCITING,AND IT WAS DISGUSTING.

THE PONYTAIL LETS PEOPLE KNOWTHAT ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW,

I'M A DEFENSE ATTORNEY,I-I'M NOT SO SERIOUS, YOU KNOW?

I--[laughs]I'VE BEEN KNOWN

TO BE A PRACTICAL JOKER.

I'LL HAVE A GRANDE MOCHA LATTE,HOLD THE ONION, HOLD THE MAYO.

- EXCUSE ME?

- I AM A MARTIAL ARTIST.

UH, I'M ALSOA REPTILE ENTHUSIAST,

BUT I AM, UH,I'M NOT COLD-BLOODED.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU ATTACK ME,OR IF YOU TRY TO SNEAK UP ON ME,

YOU'RE GONNA FALL PREY.

MY FAVORITE MOVIESWOULD BE A TIE OF, UH,

ANY BRUCE LEE MOVIE.

I AM, UH, SINGLE.UM...

ONE OF THE FIRST TEACHINGSIN BUDDHISM IS, UH, YOU KNOW,

VISUALIZE WHAT YOU WANT,AND THEN IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

THAT'S WHAT I DIDWITH THESE BAD BOYS.

I SAW THE INFOMERCIAL,AND I SAID,

"GOSH,I'D LOVE TO HAVE THESE,"

AND FIVE YEARS LATER,THEY WERE MINE.

- OH, GROSS.IS THIS HAIR?

GUYS, THIS IS A SCOOP.YOU USE IT TO SCOOP, OKAY?

THINGS ARE EXTRA DIFFICULTBECAUSE I'M GOING THROUGH

AN ESTROGEN STORMRIGHT NOW.

AN ESTROGEN STORM IS A FLOODOF TRADITIONALLY FEMALE HORMONES

THAT...[sniffles]OVERTAKES THE MALE BODY,

BUT THESEARE LITTLE CHALLENGES

THAT WE HAVE TO FACEIN OUR LIVES.

I SOUND OFF-TUNE.

[plucking, tuning guitar]

- [playing bass guitar]

[phone rings]

YES,I WAS PLAYING BASS.

- PLEASE, JUST LET ME TALK.- NO!

- WHAT ABOUT MY TEMPO?- HONEY, W--

- WHAT ABOUT MY TEMPOFOR MY LIFE?

- NO, IT CALMED ME!

- MARK,I WANT A DIVORCE.

- I CAN'T--I DON'T UNDERSTANDWHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

- SERIOUSLY, MARK--- I WAS IN A GOOD PLACE!

[knock at door]

- HI, MRS. SANGHVI.

- YOU ARE THREE MONTHS BEHINDON YOUR RENT.

- YEAH, NO,I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT.

- YOU ARE USING A DANGEROUSAMOUNT OF ENERGY IN THIS UNIT.

- I DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- UH, IF I DON'TGET MY RENT

BY THE END OF THIS WEEK,I HAVE TO EVICT YOU.

- OKAY, MRS. SANGHVI.A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

- THANK YOU, MR. BARRY.- OKAY.

[exhales]

- DELTA, ALPHA, BRAVO.REQUESTING DRONE SUPPORT.

I REPEAT.DELTA, ALPHA, BRAVO.

REQUESTING AIR STRIKE.

[intense music]

♪ ♪

[modem tone]

- LET'S ROCK AND ROLL.

- WELCOME,NEW DRONE PILOTS.

YOUR LIVESAS YOU KNOW THEM

ARE ABOUT TO CHANGE.

- WHOA, BUDDY.COME ON, MAN.

- THIS WILL TAKE A TOLLON YOUR BODIES AND YOUR MINDS.

YOUR FAMILIESWILL NOT UNDERSTAND.

- SEE?DADDY IS A REAL PILOT.

- I STILL DON'T GET IT.

- SOME OF YOU WILL NOT LASTTHE DURATION OF THIS OPERATION,

BUT SUCH IS THE COSTOF MODERN WARFARE.

- HEY, DID YOU HEARTHAT RIVERA LEFT?

- NO.- YEAH.

MEANS THAT CHAIR HAS OPENED UP,THAT COMFY CHAIR OF HIS.

I WONDERWHO'S GONNA GET IT.

- THOSE ARE MY DONUTS.

- I'VE EATEN THREE DONUTSBY THE TIME YOU WAKE UP.

- THAT'S NOTHINGTO BE PROUD OF.

- SO YOU'RETHE NEW OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST?

- SCARLET,NICE TO MEET YOU.

- YEAH, I'VE GOT A PROBLEMWITH MY CARPAL TUNNEL, I THINK.

- YOU'RE FINE.

- [sniffs]

[coughs] COOL.

- REPEAT! REPEAT![explosions]

I'M GETTING HITFROM EVERYWHERE, GUYS!

- MAYDAY, MAYDAY.DOUG, COME IN.

- I'M COMING, I'M COMING.I'M ALMOST THERE.

- WHAT'S YOUR 20, DOUG?

- STAY WITH ME,I'M ALMOST THERE.

OKAY, I'M THERE.WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- COFFEE. BLACK.

TWO CREAMSAND A SUGAR.

HURRY UP, DOUG.

THESE DRONESAREN'T GONNA FLY THEMSELVES.

- YOU THINK YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT,YOU CAN STAND UP,

AND YOU CAN WALK OUTRIGHT NOW.

Y--OKAY.

[dubstep music]

♪ ♪

- I GOT I.E.D.s,EVERYTHING, GUYS!

[over intercom] EVERYWHERE!THEY'RE COMING IN--

- DID YOU GO SEE THE NEW--THE NEW ELVIS CIRQUE DU SOLEIL?

- OH,I HEARD THAT'S LONG.

- OH.- YEAH.

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