Mother's Day

  • Season 1, Ep 6
  • 02/18/2016

A face from the past shows up to rock Kent and Gene's lives, and Billie goes on a date with a dangerous dental hygienist

[classical music on radio]

- Too much on the arms.

- What the [bleep]are you doing?

- I'm getting a suntan.

Got my bikini on.

I got the afternoon off.

- I thought you had, like,a date with a mom or something.

- I have a datethat my mom set up.

There's a big difference.

Did I miss any?

- Yeah, in your anus hole.[laughs]

- [laughs]Okay, Gene.

You can't get cancer up therefrom sitting in the sun.

[phone beeps]

Sunburn in rectum.

Possible? [phone beeps]

- Searching.

"Requiem for a Dream."- Rectum. Rectum.

- Searching.

"Requiem for a Dream." - Not requiem. Rectum.

Oh, I'm shouting.

[Spanish telenovela on TV]

- Oh, nice,you made me some popcorn.

- Your dad'sbeen looking for you.

- What'd you tell him?- I found Gene!

- What are you doing?- I told him I'd do that.

- Gene, come on!

Tanzy's openingher Mother's Day gifts!

- Why does he dothis every year?

- Maybe he feels badthat you don't have a mom.

Also, Tanzy loves gifts.

- Well, this just in: I don'tgive a [bleep]. You know?

- Can you move?- Oh, sorry.

Oh, the productionvalue's so bad.

Do you actually like this?

I--I'm sorry, I just can't getover the production value.

- This one--this is from Gene.

You can tell because it'sgot Grumpy Bat on it.

- Not from me.I don't give a [bleep].

- Ooh, leen-ger-ee!

Thanks, Gene.

[doorbell rings]

- Got it.

- Okay, wait. Say "You'rewelcome" to your mom, Gene.

- I will,if I ever see her.

Mom burn.[laughs]

Good one, Gene.

- I might have to returnit 'cause it's for a fat person.

- That's fine.

- What?- Hi, Gene.

I'm your mom.

[shutter clicks]

- [giggles]

- "I have these shoes.

#MothersDay."

[phone chimes][knock at door]

- Hey, Tanz-manian devil,how's it going? Cool response.

Look,I just wanted to warn you--

How do I put this eloquently?

Your man is downstairs

about to go downstairson another man.

- What? Dan's back?

- I know, girlfriend.

I feel you, but sometimespeople get back together.

It's like everyonealways said to me, you know,

"When you turn 25, Gene,

you're gonnastart wanting a family."

And guess what?I do.

I want my OG mom and my OG dadto live that OG lifestyle.

OG stands for "Only Gene."- I will not let this happen.

- Oh, no.

I-I didn't want youto get upset and go downstairs

and add a little spiceto the scene downstairs, no.

- I'm sorry, Gene,

but I'm getting my man back.

- Good!I mean, or boo.

Or do whatever.

[engine starts]

[engine revs]

- The hell is he doing?

- I think he's gonna jumpover the fire.

- I'm in love,and her name's Millie.

- Billie!- You bet.

- That's me. I'm Billie.This is for me.

[heavy metal music]

Go!

[gasps]

Pony, no!

- Don't be upset.- Come on.

- You remember that--

you remember that trip to Italy?It was so amazing.

- Amazing times.- It was so amazing.

- Do you remember the thing youkept doing in Naples?

You don't?

- I don't remember anythingabout Naples.

- Come on.

You kept callingNaples "nipples" the whole time.

You know, it reallywasn't all that funny at first,

but you just kept doing it!

- More, please.- Oh, [bleep], that's good.

- Where the hell is Tanzy?

- It lookslike you don't need her.

- You're right, Joy.

I need to take mattersinto my own hands.

I didn't want to haveto do this,

but it's notlike I wasn't prepared.

Wish me luck.

- You are all right,Mr. and Mrs. Good.

- You're all right.- You are good.

- Hey, Mom and Dad,how 'bout a tune.

[guitar strums]

♪ Let's get--

- You want this?Is this what you want?

You want me to be a man?

You want my husband, don't you?- No.

- Well back off!'Cause he's mine, bitch!

- Ow!- Tanzy!

You apologize this instant!- No, it's okay.

We're all grown-ups here.

We can handle this like adults.- All right.

- [screams]

[somber organ music]

[screaming]

- Stop! Stop it! Stop it!- Get off of her!

- That's it.- No biting! No biting!

- You're crazy!- And what? And what? And what?

- Take her inside!Take her--take her inside.

- Don't talk like that.- I'm gonna kill you.

- Oh, my God.