Blackzilla & Playa Haters' Ball

  • Season 1, Ep 9
  • 03/19/2003

The sci-fi action adventure "Blackzilla" takes Japan by storm, and Dave stars in his own video game; musical guest The Roots.

I WAS IN NEGOTIATIONSWITH COMEDY CENTRAL

TO DO A ONE-HOUR SPECIAL--MUCH LIKE I DID ON HBO.

VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT,

AND THEN, SUDDENLY THENEGOTIATIONS FELL APART

'CAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVETHE MONEY THAT I WANTED.

THEY WON'T BUDGE.

BUT THEY DID, THEY DIDCOME UP WITH ENOUGH MONEY

FOR ME TO DOA TWO-MINUTE SPECIAL.

YES, AND TONIGHT,

YOU ARE THE LUCKY CROWDTHAT GETS TO SEE IT.

SO EVERYONE,JUST SIT TIGHT.

I'M GONNA GO IN THE BACK

AND WE'RE GONNA STARTSHOOTIN' THIS PUPPY.

ALL RIGHT,LET'S GET IT GOIN'.

( funky music plays )

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

GIVE IT UP RIGHT NOWFOR DAVE CHAPPELLE !

( cheers and applause )

WHASSUP ?

HOW Y'ALL FEELIN' ?

I GOTTA GET RIGHT INTO IT, IDON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME NOW.

I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE WAR.

I WANNA TELL Y'ALL HOWI REALLY FEEL ABOUT THE WAR.

Y'ALL READY TO HEAR HOWI FEEL ABOUT THE WAR ?

Y'ALL READY TO HEARHOW I FEEL ABOUT BUSH ?

WELL, THIS ISHOW I FEEL--

( buzzer )

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,GOOD NIGHT !

FUCKIN' PAY ME !

I'LL SEE YOU, BABY.

BYE.

BYE-BYE.

( car honks )

SORRY, I NEED THIS !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?!

NOT IF I CANHELP IT.

( gunshots )

OW ! OH !

( machine gun firing )

THE NAME'S CHAPPELLE.

BYE, BABY,I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

I LOVE YA !

( applause )

( loud rumbling )

( screaming )

AHH...

( funkier music playing )

OHH !

( coughing )

ALL Y'ALL RIGHT HERE,I GOT SOMETHING FOR YA.

I GOT SOMETHINGFOR ALL Y'ALL.

OH, NO, HE PULLHIS PANTS DOWN !

♪ TA-DAAA ♪

THAT'S NO SNAKE, HONEY.

♪ IT'S RAININGIT'S POURING... ♪

( siren blaring )

OH, SNAP !

I THOUGHT YOU WASLOCKED UP.

( roaring )

YOU HAVEA PROBLEM, HUH ?

OOH !

OH, NO !

( squish,Godzilla roars )

YEE !

( electricity buzzing )

YAH !

YEAH !

I'M FROM THE STREETS, BITCH !

OH, NO !

OH, OOH !HOT, HOT !

OH, NO, NOT STICK.

AHH ! AHH !

AH !

( romanticpiano music playing )

UM...

I'LL CALL YOU SOMETIME ORCOME AROUND OR SOMETHING.

I'LL BE BACK.

( roar )

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