Get the F Out of Here

  • Season 1, Ep 2
  • 07/15/2015

Hannibal talks about how the California drought has affected the adult film industry, tells celebrities to f**k off and points out a strange commonality in rap songs.

SO, AFTER THE FIRST SHOW,

THE NETWORK WAS GIVING ME SOMENOTES, AND THEY WERE SAYING,

"YOU HAVE TO HAVE REPEATABLESEGMENTS WITH CATCHY NAMES."

AND I TOLD THEM,"GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE."

AND THEN THEY SAID,"YEAH, THAT'S PERFECT."

SO, HERE'S MY NEW SEGMENT,"GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE."

[ POW! POW! MAN GROANS ][ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S MY FIRST ONE.

AFTER ARIANA GRANDE WAS CAUGHTON CAMERA LICKING DOUGHNUTS

AND SAYINGTHAT SHE HATED AMERICA,

SHE SAID IT WASTAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT.

THE CONTEXT WAS SHE DIDN'T KNOWSHE WAS BEING RECORDED.

ARIANA GRANDE,GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ LAUGHTER AND CHEERSAND APPLAUSE ]

"MINIONS" MADE $115 MILLIONITS FIRST WEEKEND IN THEATERS.

HOW YOU GONNA SPEND IT, MINIONS?YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL.

MINIONS,GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

KIM KARDASHIAN ISON THE COVER OF ROLLING STONE.

WHAT'S UP, KIM?

ARE YOU TRYING TO RE-BRANDAS A TITTY LADY NOW?

DON'T TURN YOUR BACKON THAT ASS.

THAT'S WHAT GOT YOU HERE.

KIM KARDASHIAN,GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND YOU, TOO, ROLLING STONE.

I THOUGHT YOU WEREA MUSIC MAGAZINE.

I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR [BLEEP]

I CAN GET FOR FREEON THE INTERNET.

ROLLING STONE,GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

A MEXICAN DRUG LORDWHO ESCAPED FROM PRISON

NAMED EL CHAPOIS THREATENING DONALD TRUMP.

TRUMP IS THE ONLY PERSON THATCAN TURN A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN

INTO AN EPISODEOF "BREAKING BAD."

DONALD TRUMP,GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THE RUNNING OF THE BULLS IS THISWEEK, AND I DID SOME RESEARCH.

SINCE 1910,ONLY 16 PEOPLE HAVE DIED.

STEP YOUR GAME UP, BULLS.

YOU'RE NOTREPRESENTING CHICAGO RIGHT.

BULLS,GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ APPLAUSE ]YOU GOT TO KILL SOME PEOPLE.

SUPERMODEL CHRISSY TEIGEN SAYS

IF SHE WAS SINGLE,SHE'D BE ON TINDER.

SO, JOHN LEGEND,GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

[ LAUGHTER AND CHEERSAND APPLAUSE ]

I JUST MOVED TO L.A.,AND IT NEVER RAINS HERE. EVER.

CALIFORNIA HASA SERIOUS DROUGHT HAPPENING.

PEOPLE AREN'T ALLOWED TO WATERTHEIR LAWNS OR WASH THEIR CARS,

AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FLUSHYOUR TOILET AFTER EVERY USE.

BUT IF I COME OVER TOYOUR HOUSE, FLUSH YOUR TOILET.

DON'T BE DISRESPECTFUL.DON'T BE GROSS.

THAT'S DISGUSTING.

DON'T USE THE DROUGHT ASAN EXCUSE TO BE A GROSS PERSON.

I'M A HUMAN BEING.TREAT ME AS SUCH.

AND DON'T WORRY -- EVERYTOILET FLUSH IS 1.6 GALLONS.

I'LL BRINGTWO GALLONS OF WATER OVER,

AND YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE.YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'M A GOOD GUY LIKE THAT.

HOW IS THERE A DROUGHT

WHEN THE ENTIRE STATEIS NEXT TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN?

I DON'T GET THAT AT ALL.

THERE'S BILLIONS OF GALLONSOF WATER RIGHT THERE.

JUST GET A BUCKET, GETSOME FILTERS, AND GET TO WORK.

WE GOT TO GET A HANDLEON THIS DROUGHT!

WE HAVE TO GET THIS DROUGHT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YOU GOT TO FIX THE DROUGHT, MAN.

IMAGINE HOW CRAZYSEAWORLD IS GONNA BE

WHEN THEY HAVE TO PUTALL OF THE FISH IN ONE TANK.

IT'S GONNA BE A WHOLE DIFFERENTTYPE OF SHOW THEN.

LIKE, "DAMN, THE PERCH IS

DESTROYING THAT PIRANHARIGHT NOW.

WHO KNEW?THAT PERCH GOT HEART."

THE DROUGHT HAS AFFECTEDEVERYTHING IN CALIFORNIA.

IT'S CRAZY, MAN.

EVEN THE PORN INDUSTRY SEEMSOBSESSED WITH WATER RIGHT NOW.

OH, YEAH.

I'M GONNA MAKE YOUONE HAPPY MAN.

YES, I AM.

BUT I'M A LITTLE THIRSTY.

MMM.

THAT'S SO GOOD.

BUT, UM, OH!

OH, LOOK!

I LEFT THE WATER RUNNING.

ALL THAT WATER.

RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN.

UH-OH!

I BET YOU'D LIKE TO SEEA WET T-SHIRT CONTEST,

WOULDN'T YOU,YOU DIRTY, DIRTY BOY?

WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE BETTER?

THEY'RE BOTH SO WET!

I AM SO BAD.

I CAN'T HELP IT.

I JUST WANT A GREEN GRASS LAWN.

I KNOW I SHOULD REALLY HAVEA HARDY NATIVE SPECIES

OF DESERT PLANT LIKE CACTUSESOR SUCCU...LENTS.

I'M SO, SO BAD.

I'M SUCH A BAD GIRL.

I JUST HAD TO OPENTHAT WATER MAIN.

I WANTED SO BAD TO SEEALL THAT GUSHING WATER.

GUSHING, GUSHING, GUSHING!

OH!

I'M SUCH A BAD, BAD CITIZEN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YEAH.

I'M ACTUALLY WAY MORE INTOGRANNY DROUGHT-PORN.

BUT THAT DID THE TRICK.I THOUGHT IT WAS HOT.