Blisteritos Presents: Dad Academy Graduation Party

  • Season 2, Ep 11
  • 03/25/2014

C-Czar starts acting out as his graduation from Dad Academy approaches, the Lizzes hold a red carpet event for Blisteritos, and Wendy and Aspen have a costume party.

WITH THE CEO OF BLISTERITOS,

A COMPANY UNDER FIRE.

BLISTERITOS IS IN NEEDOF A MAKEOVER.

- I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARDWE'RE IN THE MIDDLE

OF A CLASS-ACTION LAWSUIT.

- I KNOW.CONGRATULATIONS.

- NO, IT'S BAD.- OH.

- IT'S REALLY BAD.

DUE TO BLISTERITOSCAUSING FACIAL

AND HEAD DAMAGETO EVERYONE

WHO EATS IT,VOLCANO HEAD.

- I THINK YOU'RE LOOKINGON, LIKE,

A NEGATIVE SIDE OF THINGS,AND, LIKE,

LET'S LOOK AT THE POSITIVEASPECT OF YOUR PRODUCT.

- OKAY.- THIS IS, LIKE,

A HEALTHY PRODUCT,AND IT'S, LIKE, DELICIOUS.

- MM-HMM.- IT IS NOT HEALTHY.

I CAN'T SAY IF IT'S DELICIOUS.I'VE NEVER EATEN IT.

- YEAH, BUT, LIKE, ANY PRESSIS GOOD PRESS.

- NO, THIS ISUNANIMOUSLY TERRIBLE PRESS.

- REALLY?- OH, IT'S BAD.

- SO THE HEADS GOT,LIKE, RUINED?

- 400 FATALITIES.- WOW.

- THAT'S IT?

HOW ABOUT WE JUST, LIKE,

DIG INTO SOME IDEAS?

- LOVE IT.- HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

LIKE, 'CAUSE, LIKE, WE PUTTOGETHER A BINDER

WITH THE NAMEOF OUR COMPANY ON IT.

IT'S, LIKE, NOT A BIG DEAL.

OKAY, HERE'S THE IDEA.

IT'S CALLED THE BLISTERITOS BUS,

AND WE SEND ITTO THE INNER CITY.

LIKE, THAT'S WHERE, LIKE,THE BLACK KIDS ARE

WHOSE FACES HAVE ALL BEEN[bleep] UP BY BLISTERITOS.

- I DON'T THINK WE WANT SHOWA LOT OF THE KIDS

WITH THE VOLCANO HEADS.

WE TRIED THAT IN A CAMPAIGN.

PEOPLE HATED SEEING THEM.

- FYI, LIKE, IN COLLEGEMY NICKNAME WAS,

LIKE, VOLCANO HEAD.

BECAUSE, LIKE,I WOULD SUCK GUYS OFF,

AND THEIR--WELL,THEY WOULD JUST ERUPT.

- GREAT.WE SHOULD GO OUT SOMETIME.

- OH, MY GOD.

- AM I, LIKE, STROKING OUTRIGHT NOW?

WHEN I FIRST MET TRAV,I WAS, LIKE, REPULSED BY HIM,

BUT, LIKE, AS HE BECAMEMORE INTERESTED IN LIZ,

I WAS LIKE, "THIS GUY'SACTUALLY GORGEOUS."

- WE REALLY NEEDTO JUST SEEM FUN.

BLISTERITOS ARE FUN.

THEY DON'T KILL CHILDREN.

- RIGHT. OOH, WE COULD DO, LIKE,AN APP THAT COUNTS,

LIKE, THE DEATHS.

[dance music]

- THE BLISTERITOSPRESENTS DAD ACADEMY

CONGRADURITOS RED CARPETVIEWING PARTY

IS OFF TO A BLISTERING START.

THERE WERE SO MANY AMAZINGGUESTS AT THE RED CARPET--

A GUY FROM PAWNSYLVANIA CAME.

- WHAT'S UP, WEIRDO?YEAH!

- KEITH SHAWN WAS THERE.

- SO I BECAME A FASHION DESIGNERTHIS WEEK,

AND I MADETHESE REALLY COOL BAGS.

- THESE ARE AMAZING.

- YEAH, THEY'RE REALLY GREAT.THEY'RE NOT REVERSIBLE,

AND THEY LIGHTON FIRE VERY QUICKLY.

- OH, MY GOD.THAT'S PERFECT FOR BLISTERITOS.

OH, MY GOD, IT'S KATY PERRY.OH, MY GOD.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.LIZ FROM PUBLIZITY.

SORRY MY HANDS ARE SO COLD.- THAT'S OKAY.

- IT'S LIKE, OH, MY GOD,KATY PERRY SHOWING UP?

YEAH, OKAY,NOT A BIG DEAL.

HUGE DEAL.- I'VE BEEN HEARING A LOT

OF THINGS ABOUT BLISTERITOS,

THAT THEY REALLY, LIKE,ARE PAINFUL

WHEN PEOPLE PUT THEMIN THEIR MOUTHS.

- THOSE ARE, LIKE, RUMORS, ANDTHEY'VE BEEN, LIKE, DEBUNKED.

LIKE, COMPLETELY,LIKE, DEBUNKED.

SO THERE'S NOTHING TO, LIKE,REALLY WORRY ABOUT.

SO WHAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE YOU DOIS JUST, LIKE,

WALK THE RED CARPET--- YOU KNOW WHAT, I REALLY CAN'T.

I DIDN'T WANT TOMAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT,

BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE MY OWNFLAMIN' HOT POP CHIP COMING OUT.

- CONGRADURITOS.

- I'M SORRY.

- BLISTERITOS ARE REALLY GOOD.YOU SHOULD TRY ONE.

THEY'RE, LIKE, ACTUALLY, LIKE--

THEY'RE ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.

- ARE YOU OKAY?- MM-HMM.

IT'S REALLY NICE.

- SO THERE'S NO OTHER WAY OUT,RIGHT?

- DID YOU GET ONE OF THESE?- EXCUSE ME.

- DID YOU GET ONEOF THESE TO HOLD?

- NO, SORRY, I CAN'T.

I CAN'T.THIS IS A CONFLICT OF INTEREST.

- LIZ IS PREGNANT,AND SHE'S BEING, LIKE,

A REAL BITCH RIGHT NOW,AND I MET THIS GUY,

AND HE'S, LIKE, THE GUYFROM BLISTERITOS,

AND, LIKE, HE'S REALLY NICE,

BUT IT'S LIKE...[babbling incoherently]

IF YOU DON'T WALKTHE RED CARPET--

- I'M SORRY. RUTH!both: RUTH!

RUTH!- RUTH.

- WHO'S RUTH?- EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO.

I CAN'T ANSWER ANY MOREOF YOUR QUESTIONS.

- OH, MY GOD, PLEASE, KATY,PLEASE.

KATY, NO, KATY.- NO, NO, NO, NO.

- KATY, COME HERE.KATY.

- KATY PERRY!I'M C-CZAR'S MOM.

HI.- HI.

JEFFREY GURIANFROM COMEDY MATTERS TV.

- HEY.- HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

- C-CZAR'S MOM.- WOW.

- YEAH.- YOU MUST BE SO PROUD.

- SO PROUD AND A STARON DAD ACADEMY.

YOU SAW ME ON DAD ACADEMY.- INCREDIBLE.

OH, WHAT A NIGHT FOR C-CZAR.- SUCH A NIGHT.

MY BABY'S HERE. HAS HE TOLD YOUABOUT MOM ACADEMY?

- NO, HE HASN'T SAID A WORD.

- HE'S PROBABLY NOT COME DOWNTHE RED CARPET YET.

- IT'S INCREDIBLE FOR A TOILETBABY TO COME THIS FAR.

- THERE'S REALLY NOTHING WRONGWITH THIS STUFF.

- YOU KNOW, HE'S BRAVE,HE'S POWERFUL.

- [groans]WHERE'S LIZ?

YO, LEMME GET IN THAT DOGHOUSE.- NO, SORRY, IT'S TAKEN.

- COME ON.

- NO, I DON'T WANT--

I'M IN THIS DOGHOUSE RIGHT NOW.PLEASE LEAVE.

- I'M C-CZAR.

- MY NAME IS--I'M DENISE.I'M JUST--I'M DENISE.

- CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET?- SURE.

- I WAS CRATE TRAINED.

- WELL, THAT'S COOL.

- YO, THAT'S A COOLKATNISS COSTUME.

- YEAH, I'M KATNISSFROM THE MOVIE KAT--

- YEAH, FROM HUNGER GAMES.- THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.

I MISS MY REAL CLOTHES,THOUGH.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT I'M NOTNORMALLY DRESSED LIKE KATNISS.

- THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME?

- I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GETHERE, I'M NOT EVEN FROM HERE.

I FLEW ON AN AIRPLANE TO COMEMEET MY AUNT ELIZABETH.

BUT SHE DIDN'T EVEN COMEMEET ME AT THE AIRPORT.

NOW I'M LIVING IN A DOGHOUSE.

- RIGHT? IT'S LIKEYOU CAN'T TRUST ADULTS.

- YOU CAN'T CRUSH THE DOLT?

- YOU CAN'T TRUST ADULTS.

- OH, YOU--WELL, YEAH, YOU CAN.

YOU JUST HAVE TOTRUST THE RIGHT ONES.

- ARE YOU SCARED?

- I NEED, LIKE,A PARENT OR A GUARDIAN

TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

- I WANNA BE WILD ANDRUN AWAY FROM RESPONSIBILITY,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME I'M LIKE,"THIS GIRL NEEDS MY HELP."

- I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

- DENISE, THIS IS MY FRIENDRON FUNCHES.

- ARE YOU FROM THE ORIGINALMOTION PICTURE DICK TRACY

STARRING WARREN BEATTY AND HISGIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME MADONNA?

- YOU'RE GOOD AT MOVIES.- THANK YOU.

- RON FUNCHES, WHAT SHOULD I DO?THIS POOR GIRL NEEDS HELP.

- ANSWER'S ON YOUR ARM, MAN.

WHY DO YOU THINKWE TATTOOED YOU?

- "MAKING GOOD CHOICES,SETTING LIMITS."

I'M GONNA GET YOUOUTTA HERE, DENISE.

YOU TRUST ME?

- YES, C-CZAR.

- ALL RIGHT, DENISE.- OKAY.

- I CAN FEEL MY PARENTALINSTINCTS KICKING IN.

[triumphant synthesizer music]

AND I SEEA LITTLE GIRL IN NEED

AND I WANNA STRAIGHT-UPHELP YOU.

BECAUSE I'M A VILLAIN.

BUT I'M A GOOD VILLAIN.

'CAUSE IT'S, LIKE,MY MAIN PET PEEVE.

I KNOW I'VE BEEN GONEFOR A NUMBER OF HOURS,

BUT MY LIFE HASREALLY CHANGED IN THAT TIME.

I LOVE YOU ALL, AND I HOPE I CANBE A GOOD MAN LIKE YOU ALL ARE.

- C-CZAR.

- LIZ.

- OH, MY GOD,I LOVE YOUR GOLDEN HAT.

MM.

BUT LISTEN, LIKE, HATS ASIDE,I HEARD THE NOTE

THAT YOU TIEDTO MY NIECE DENISE.

YOU PROVED TO, LIKE,THE ENTIRE WORLD

AND THE TELEVISION AUDIENCETHAT, LIKE,

YOU'RE MORE THAN A DAD.

- I LOVE YOU.

- WELL, I BASICALLY HAVE,LIKE, DEEP FEELINGS FOR YOU.

AND, LIKE, I WANT YOUTO KNOW THAT, LIKE,

AT THIS POINT--[farts]

[clears throat]

- WHAT?- LIKE, AT THIS POINT--

[farts, squeals]

LIKE, AT THIS POINT--[farts]OH, MY GOD.

I THINK I'M GOING INTO LABORAT THIS POINT.

THAT WASN'T HOWTHE SENTENCE WAS GONNA END,

BUT LIKE, I DO THINK I'M GOINGINTO LABOR AT THIS POINT.

'SCUSE ME FOR ONE MOMENT.- OH, SNAP. NO, I'LL COME WITH.

- I NEED TO PUSH IT OUTLIKE A DOODIE.

[toilet flushing, baby crying]OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU.

- WELL? WHAT IS IT?

- IT'S A TOILET BABY.

- SO I KNOW IT'S MINE!

- BORN INTO THE TOILET.

- LET'S SMOKE BLUNTS!

[piano music]

- ♪ HOO...

[doorbell rings]

- HEY, GORGEOUS.

- HI.

- ♪ THANK YOUFOR BEING MY DADDY ♪

♪ THANK YOUFOR BEING MY FATHER ♪

♪ I THANK YOU

Loading...