Hos Before Bros

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 02/04/2016

When a hunky football player comes to stay at the mansion, Billie and Gene vie for his affections.

- Good night.

No, uh...

Good night.

Bonne nuit, Trick. Bonne nuit--

- [gasps]

What are you doing?- What are you doing?


- Where are you going?

- Just gonna go saygood night to Trick,

see if he needs anythingbefore bed.

Where are you going?

- I was also gonna go...

see if he neededto be put to bed.

- Ass before class.

Hey, Trick.

- Hey.- Books, nice.

I've read about those.

- Cool.

-Just wanted to comesay good night.

Thinking about turning in.

Unless I stay up to,I don't know, have sex.

- Okay, night, night.

- Oh...okay.


Good luck in there.

There's jizzall over the walls.

[spits]- No.

My hand.

[slurring]Good night, Trick.

- Excuse me?

[pop music playing]

[phone buzzing]

- You touching yourself to porno?

- No, Gene,I'm not watching porno.

- Yeah, me neither.Who watches porno?

What is that, the "Labyrinth" in the background?

You watching the "Labyrinth?"

- No, it's not the "Labyrinth."

It's--I don't need to watch

the "Labyrinth" to fall asleep.

It's a different movie.

Go to sleep.

- Nicholas Cage?

Oh, Dickolas Cage.

That makes more sense.

[eerie demonic laughter]

[dreamy music]

- ♪ Today I found her

♪ We're so meant to be

♪ The only question,would she marry me? ♪

♪ 'Cause if she does

♪ All the peopleof Earth will talk ♪

♪ They'll say

♪ It's Trick and Billie

♪ Look at those two

♪ I know we're silly

♪ Can I get a pic of you?

♪ The people of Earth

♪ Will talk

[dreamy shimmering]

- Harder!

Ah, harder!

[Trick yelling]

Jay Baruchel!

- Oh, so sorry, Jay!

Jay, oh, Baruchel!- Whoo, Canada!

[hip-hop music]

- Damn it,this is not yare.

- Is that like a tiny shipfor ants or what?

[doorbell rings]- I got it!

- I'll go poseby the fire's place.

- Uh-huh.

- You look so good,Mr. Russell.

- Yeah.- [coughing]

- All right,that's enough.

Go take your germsaway somewhere else.

Trick, you're soaked.

Ladies, I'd like tointroduce you to

Trick Malloy.

[sexy hip-hop music]

♪ I'm so fresh, kid

♪ I'm so fresh, fresh

♪ 'Cause I'm fresh, kid

♪ I'm so fresh, fresh

♪ Yeah, I'm fresh, kid

♪ I'm so fresh, fresh 'cause I'm fresh, kid ♪

- Ho...- Ly...

- Ship!

Holy [bleep]!

- Trick, my man.

[chuckles]How was the flight?

- It was good.

I gave up my first-class seatto a veteran,

met some pretty solidpeople back in coach,

and, yeah, you know what theysay about plane friends.

"Plane friendsstay friends."

- I feel the same way.- Yeah?

- I absolutelyfeel the same way.

- That's awesome.

- Trick, this ismy wife, Tanzy.

- "Enchanti."

- And, uh, over hereis my daughter, Gene.

- Hey.

- And this is her Billie.

- Oh, not in a lesbian way.Although,

I'm not afraid to do that.How's it going?

- Sorry aboutmy wet hand skin.

- No, I like it wet.

[awkward chuckle]

- Cool.

Ship in a bottle.

That's exactly how I feelsometimes, you know?

It's just like,all sealed up

behind glassand on display.

It's like the whole world'sgot stones,

and they're just throwing them.

You know what I'm saying?


- Land ho!

Shipwreck.[nervous laugh]

- Sorry.

She's got diarrhea.

- Trick, let me, uh,

let me show youto your room, huh?

- Yeah, I don't.

- Yes, sir.- It's right up here.


[glass cracking]

- [laughs]You stepped in ship.