• Season 4, Ep 9
  • 11/22/2016

Mayor Fiorello La Guardia takes on the New York City mob over artichokes, cooking legend Julia Child gets her start as a spy, and molasses floods Boston's North End.

-You guys I'm a alittle tips-Mm-hm

- Hello, I am Lyric Lewis.

Wait.Let me take that again.



No, okay.

Hello, I'm Lyric Lewis

and today we are talkingabout Julia Child.

- To Julia.- To Julia.

So, Julia, she had a very humdrum life.

She's like, super tall.

She's 6'3".

She's like, dumb tall.

Julia never ate anything but canned or processed food,

but then she's like, you know what?

[bleep] this.

She's like, I'm gonna be a spy.


So she applies to be a spy for the OSS,

which is the Office of--[belches]

Oh, God.


Um, the Office of Strategic Serdises.

The Office of Strategic Services

in Washington, DC, which will later become the CIA.


So, one day her bosscomes to her

and her boss is like, yo,

I need you to come up with shark repellent

for bombs underwater.

But that was, like, her fist glimpse into cooking

and into, like, espionage work,

so she gets a bowl, she mixes up shark repellent.

She's like, I'm gonna add glue, stick some bombs,

she's like, I'm gonna add some gun powder.

And she's like, I'm not gonna add blood

because sharks will like blood.

She adds stuff that's, like, against blood.

The sharks are like, I don't want to--

[nibbles] I don't want to bite it.

And Julia's like, cool cool cool, tight tight tight.


Oh, excuse me.

So...[pops tongue]

Later comes 1944.

She volunteers to go to Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka's like, hey girl, hey.

And she's a secretary for this office

where they're working for American soldiers

in guerilla warfare, so she's like, doing that shit.

So it's, like, kinda gritty

but it's still, like, a secretary

but she's like, yeah, what paperwork?

She's 31 and she's readyfor a man

to get up in all 6-- 6 feet, 3 inches of that.

She's like, I'm ready to mingle.

She's like, I'm ready for a penis in every position.

Julia's like, super horny.

- Hey now.- Right?

And she looks up and she sees Paul.

She sees Paul. Paul is a vision to her.

He's a tall, tall drink of water.

Tall glass of milk.

Tall glass of almond milk if you're a vegan.

Tall glass of soy milk if you're a vegetarian.

Tall glass of goat milkif you don't like cows.

- [snickers]

- And Julia's like, that is a man and I got to get him.

He's like a nerd.

Paul's like, hey, everybody.

Who wants to play Scrabble later?

Ha ha ha!

And Julia's like, you don't even know

how sexy you are, Paul.

I will drink your bathwater.

Julia before Paul,she only ate processed food,

canned foods, creamed corn,

everything out of a can so Paul was like,

your palate is so [bleep] basic and I'm showing you a new life.

So they ate all these exotic foods together

and Julia was like, [bleep] me,

and Paul was like, yes, bitch, where have you been?

She was like, oh, my God, this man is amazing.

My palate is developing.

I'm into him and she was feeling him

and Paul was like, no, not yet.

Because I'm feeling Jane Foster now.

Jane is a [bleep] spy.

Like, she's a spy.

Do you hear me?She's a [bleep] spy.

Jane is, like, out in the field.

She's [bleep] shooting people.

Paul, he liked Jane a lot because she was sexy,

and Julia was doing office work so it's like,

who wants the pencil pusher

when you can get the makerof the wood?

'Cause I feel like Janewas making wood, right?


Jane was like, no, you're mad corny to me.

But we're friends.

So they're hanging out and then Paul,

he looks at Julia and he's like,

Julia, you tall but you cute, you know what I mean?

So Julia was like, yes.

Paul, I want to continue this.

We need to take a road trip

because that's how people really get to know each other

and know if they want to be together.

And Paul was like, cool cool cool, tight tight tight.

So then at the end of the war,they went back home.

They pack her Buick full of clothing

and then she's like, oh, I'm gonna pack

a soup thermos full of pre-mixed martinis.

And a bottle of vodka because this is back in the day

when there wasno open container laws,

so they set offand Paul is like, yes!

Julia is like, yes!

The police on the road I'm sure are like,

yes, girl, go get your man!

- [laughs]

- So they fell in love and they got married.

Him and Julia was like,

okay, cool cool cool, tight tight tight,

and then they get to go to France.

So she goes to France and she's like,

what is all this food, this croissants, these--

you know what I mean?

Like, these espressos and stuff like that.

She's like, the chicken.

And so she enrollsin Le Cordon Bleu

of all places.

And she's like, doing all these French foods

and they come back to America,

and this--this late--this late in the game

is when Julia Childthat we know comes to life.

She has all these books, she's huge on TV.

We have the French culinary know-how

that we got from Julia Child.

Paul is like, cool, I'm proud of you.

She's a big bitch but I love her.

He was an amazing husband to her.

He loved her.

She was an Amazon.

He loved her.

- Did you ever see the websitethat he created for her?

- No.

- You've never beento

- Shut your mouth.

- Well, 'cause youcalled her Amazon.

- Shut your mouth, Derek.

I--I thought it wasa real website

dedicated to Julia Childby Paul Child and like,

he was like,

"She's a Big BitchBut I Love Her Volume Five."

And so they were very happy

and she became this huge success,

and it was all because of Julia's career as a spy

in espionage and because of Paul Child.

Bing bang boom.


I keep--I'm so sorry.

I'm so embarrassed.I keep burping.

- Why?

- 'Cause ladies don't burpand I try to be a lady.

- But it'll also be on TV

and it'll be great.

- And then people will be like,she's a real person.

Cool cool cooltight tight tight.

Hello, I'm Lucius Dillonand today we're going to talk

about the great molasses flood

My story starts--our storystarts at--19--hmm, hmm, hmm.

Our story starts at 1915.

So the Purity Distillery, which was in North Boston

in this area, is a very industrial area.

There was a bunch of Italian, Irish immigrants

all living in this area.

Molasses was a big mother[bleep] deal.

When they distilled it it would turn into rum,

so it was a huge commodity, butprohibition was coming around.

But there's a year-long grace period

so they came up with a great idea.

It was like, okay, what we can do is, for a whole year,

we can make as much liquor and rum and everything,

so let's just get as much [bleep] molasses as we can.

You know what, we need to build a huge tank

that could fill all this lovely molasses.

So they got a guy

who was the treasurer of the company, Arthur Jell.

And they're like, uh, have you had any architect experience?

Have you any--any engineering education?

Nope, nope.

Uh, they're like, hey, can you read this blueprint?

Uh, why do I need to read this blueprint?

That--that goes for the guys in the hats and the--

The construction workers?


The construction workers.

They can read it.

It's fine.

All right, you're our guy. Great.

So he didn't know what the [bleep] he was doing.

Any corner that neededto be cut, he cut it.

So they built this thing very terribly.

They would hear groansand gurgles from this tank.

It was like...[groans]




- Like it was--it was gonna barf.

- It's gonna pretty much puke.

So near the tank was Engine Number 31,

and in that firehouse was a bunch of firemen,

so we had Bill Connor, who was the chief.

We had George Layhe, and around lunchtime, you know,

every day, they would get together, play billiards.

There was a stonecutterwho would come by

named John Barry, who would just liked to come

every now and again, and he was like,

look, I--I'm really worried that this tank's gonna--

it's gonna explode.

I mean, of coursethe thing leaks immediately

and Arthur Jell was like, it's fine.

This is still a solid structure.

And everyone was like,but you can see leaks

from the tank.

Okay, well, uh, we can fix that.

We'll paint it brown

so you can't see the molasses coming out.


That doesn't help anything.

I'm so worried that this is gonna fail.

Arthur Jell was like, we're gonna make

a bazillion dollars off of this.

- What could possibly go wrong?

- What could possibly

go wrong?