The W.A.N.G.

  • Season 2, Ep 1
  • 09/26/2015

Versus invades a British wedding, Gary faces the prospect of a gruesome surgery, a bird reveals its pecker, and an office worker harbors a terrifying secret.

Hey, Tom, thanks forcoming in to speak to me.

First of all,I just want to tell you

your work at the firmhas been top-notch.

Just dynamite stuff.

Um, you know,there's one little thing,

and it's stupid,but I just have to ask.

Are you, by any chance,

a human shell filledwith thousands of spiders?

Now, I don't want thisto feel like an attack, Tom.

We have beenvery happy with your work.

I just want to make surethat we're on the same page

about whether you're a man

or a six-foot-tallskin sack being puppeteered

by thousands of, I don't know,black widow spiders.

And I only askbecause there's been

a little bit of chitchataround the water cooler--

you know how peoplelove to gossip.

But I just figured I wouldtouch base with you directly.

You know,straight to the source.

So let me read youa couple of notes

I've gottenfrom around the office

and you can let me knowhow I should respond to them.

This is from Janine.

"How could you have hiredthis monstrosity?"

Um, then here's one from Pete.

"His voice sounds like

"a thousand tiny screamsechoing in hell.

"I don't know how these spiderstaught themselves to talk,

but every day at workis a living nightmare."

And here's onethat just says,

"He am not spider.He man."

And the note saysit was written by spiders.

Oh, wait, but below that"spiders" is crossed out

and it says, "Not Spiders."

So, obviously someconflicting opinions here.

I just wantedto check in with you

so we could put all these sillyrumors to rest once and for all.

[distorted voice]The day of reckoning approaches,

when the streets willrun with blood.

When my brothers and sisterswill rise

and cities will crumbleinto heaps of ash.

A harvest will be reaped

and all will fall beforethe Spider Queen.

All hail the Spider Queen.

Oh, sounds good.

You coming to the companypicnic on Saturday?

There's gonna be a raffle!

Sorry, bloke.Gonna have to see

your invitationto the wedding.

That's notthe information I have.

No invitation,no entry.

You're in luck,my good man,

as I have two...right here!

Ugh!Oh!

Good evening, lords and ladies.Time for Versus.

Ha ha!

[stomping and bagpipe music]

[attendees gasping]

[cries of alarm]

How's it hanging, lads?[laughs]

[screaming]

Hey, come here,you lovely bit of crumpet.

No, no, no!

Well, well, that's no wayto treat a lady.

Fiddler...

Play something rumbumtious.

[upbeat music]

You mangy cur!

Keep your filthy mittsoff the Chablis.

Cyclops, you need an invitationto attend this event.

Well, that's notthe information I have.

Fonus-balonus, you'rea rum-fuddled lushy!

I'll warn you one timeand one time alone.

Calm down and dismissyourself from the premises

or I will be forcedto do battle with you.

I'm not going nowhere.

[crash][woman screams]

Very well, knave, rascal,stiff-rumped swizzler.

Your choice.A battle of brawn or wit?

Uh...

Wit it is.Here it goes.

What is it that goesup and down the stairs

without moving at all?

What is it that goesup and down--

It is a carpet.Ha!

Ahhh!Ow!

Tally-ho!

- Ahhhhhh!- [laughing]

Back flip!

(Cyclops)Brain head spear!Brain head spear!

Brain head spear...

- Oh!- Be at ease, Madam.

You're in capable hands now.

Oh, indeed.

[cheering]

Winner.

Me...always me.

- Hi.- Oh, hey.

You wanna see my pecker?

Is that your beak?

- You wanna see my pecker?- Is that your beak?

- You wanna see my pecker?- You talking about your beak?

You wanna see it?You wanna see my pecker?

[sighs]Yeah, sure.

- There it is!- Oh, oh, God!

- You wanna see it again?- No, go away!

- You wanna see my pecker again?- Shoo, leave!

You wanna see my pecker?

No, I never want to seeyour pecker again!

Oh, come on,it'll take you home.

What?

It'll take you back to yourworld if you look at my pecker.

What do you mean,"my world"?

- (roars)- Whoa, what is that?

It's a uni-shark.

- That's not possible!- It is in this world.

- Hey, you wanna see my pecker?- Yes!

- You wanna see my pecker?- Yes!

- You sure?- Please, God, yes!

- Here it is.- Where is it?

It's my beak.[laughs]

- [roars]- Oh, God!

Please, show me your dick!

That's nasty.You're a pervert.

- You started all this!- So you wanna see my pecker?

- Yes, please.- Here it is!

Oh, oh, wha...

- You wanna see my pecker again?- No!

- You wanna see my pecker?- No!

Aw, come on, it'll keepyour head from exploding.

Are you serious?

You wanna see my pecker?