Wisdom Teeth

  • Season 2, Ep 3
  • 01/28/2015

When Abbi gets her wisdom teeth out, Ilana takes it upon herself to take care of her friend while she recovers.

You are doing anawesome job already.

You just keepclutching Bingo Bronson

that Mommy Lanigot you--

Me, I'm Mommy Lani.

And that's it, wholething's gonna be painless.

You're not even go know it,you're gonna be out, out, out.

You just chill.

So riddle me this, Doc.

Mayonnaise clinic claims thatfacial paralysis can be a thing?

What?Care to comment?

Release my head, woman.Sorry.

I got this, Abbi'sgonna be fine.

Look at thisblack-blue hands.

If I mess up this whitegirl's teeth,

the black dentistrygame is over... forever.

I'm gonna get these teeth.

For my people.Wow.

I don't do anythingfor my people.

Count backwards.

(muffled)Five, four

two and one.

Bye, Abbi, I'll seeyou when you wake up.

And if you don't wake up,I'll still see you...

("slow motion" audio)...'cause I'm gonna kill myself

and meet you inheaven or whatever.

Calm d-- you needto calm down.

I am Abbi's keeper today.

I am her mother,sister, father, brother.

Relax, I get it, okay.

I know what you need,a little story.

There once was a womannamed Felicity Porter.

And she went to theUniversity of New York.

She was supposed togo to Stanford.

(voice echoing)That's where her parentswanted her to go.

But then, Ben wrote inher high school yearbook...

(chatter and music playing)

So you're telling me thatout of the whole series,

Abbi, buy me that.

I love hearts of palm.


Ooh, bulk granola.

Buy me that, Abbi.

(sighing)Manuka honey.

So reasonably priced.

Buy me that, Abbi!

Oh, great!

Mmm, this issome high-class (bleep).

Ooh, earth-friendly cereals.

Knock 'em over, Abbi.

They wanna be onthe ground.


Next up, probiotics, a Neti Potand a bag of douche.




That'll be $1,487.56.

Use your new creditcard, Abbi.

You got it becauseyou thought you needed

more than one cardto be an adult, right?

Well, now's yourchance to be one!

Plus, you'llget Starwood's points.

Mmmm, I'm so proudof you!

Quick, let's get this into abunker before the big one hits.


Abbi Abrams!

(phone vibrating)



(robotic voice) There has been some unusual activity on your account

and we'd like to confirm that you, Abbi Abrams,

made a purchase of $1,487.56

at the Whole Foods in Gowanus, Brooklyn.

Oh, my God, of course,she's hungry as (bleep).

From your clear answer, I can tell you are Abbi Abrams,

and this was not a fraudulent charge.

Thank you for doing business with One Trust, goodbye.

♪ On the flip sideyou crazy bitch ♪


Damn, this neighborhoodis changing.


(both laughing)

Stop it, that's soinappropriate.

Oh, (bleep), it's Strega Nonathe weed witch!

Peace, mortals.

Are you okay, you scaredthe (bleep) out of me.

God dammit,my manuka honey!

I got you, Bingo Bronson!Abbi, no!

(glass shattering)Ow!


Oh, my (bleep) ankle.

Oh, my God, sorry.

I love you, Abbi!

See you soon.

I love you, Bingo Bronson!

(Ilana)So sorry, sorry.

Oh, my God,you're so scary.