Neighbor Party

  • 10/31/2013

Adam's neighbors aren't thrilled with the partygoers peeing on their lawn. Featuring comedians Liza Treyger, Josh Rabinowitz and Sean Donnelly.

[huffing and puffing]

[classical music playing]- UGH.

- HOLY MOLY,YOU LOOK FLY...

PER USUAL.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT?- I JUST WANT

TO GIVE THIS TO YOUAND SAY THANK YOU

FOR NOT CALLING THE COPSON US TONIGHT,

'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA HAVEANOTHER PARTY.

- OKAY, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DOME A FAVOR, THEN?

WHY DON'T YOU TELLYOUR DISGUSTING FRIENDS

TO STOP PISSINGIN OUR YARD?

- YES, I AM AWARETHAT THAT IS AN ISSUE,

AND I AM WORKINGON A SOLUTION.

IT'S TOUGH 'CAUSE IT'SA LUSH PROPERTY.

- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEPIT UNDER CONTROL?

- IT'S NOT GONNA GETOUT OF CONTROL.

- ADAM, HEY!- OH, WHAT'S UP?

CLARENCE, WHAT'S UP, DUDE?- WHAT'S GOING ON?

HEY, LISTEN, TONIGHT,I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND

YOUR, UH, PARTYBECAUSE I WILL BE

AT MY BOWLING LEAGUE,

UH, BOWLING IN A LEAGUE, SO--

- VERY COOL.WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR EYE?

DO YOU HAVE PINKEYEOR SOMETHING?

- WHAT?- UH, NO. WHAT?

- I'VE HAD PINKEYE, LIKE,SEVEN TIMES.

MY FRIENDS, LIKE,FARTED IN MY EYES.

IT'S, LIKE, A THING WE DOON SLEEPOVERS.

- THAT'S HILARIOUS.

- YEAH, IT'S FUN.- IT'S GROSS.

- [clears throat]IT'S GROSS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT THISSMELLS LIKE?

BOTTOM.

I'M GONNA GO THROW ITIN THE FIREPLACE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE?I LOVE MY WIFE!

- I LOVE HER TOO!SHE IS A SWEETHEART!

SHE'S A BITCH, RIGHT?I KNOW.

- BUT HEY, YOU MARRY MONEY,THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.

- SHE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT USPISSING IN THE YARD.

PEOPLE HAVE TO PISS, RIGHT?

- I HAVE TO PISS RIGHT NOW.- IT'S A GREAT YARD TO PISS IN.

- MADE FOR IT.

- THIS IS FOUL.

- IT'S PRETTY BAD.

- WE'RE NOT GONNA DO THISANYMORE.

- THANKS, BUDDY.- NO SWEAT. I GOT YOU.

- ALL RIGHT,I WON'T SEE YOU LATER.

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

'CAUSE I JUST BROKE UPWITH MY BOYFRIEND.

YEAH, IF ANYONE WANTSTO MAKE OUT, I'M HERE.

UH--[laughs]

SO, YEAH, IT WASA REALLY COMPLICATED SITUATION

'CAUSE I REALLY WANTEDTO BREAK UP WITH HIM,

BUT I ALSO WANTED TOKEEP USING HIS NETFLIX.

SO IT WAS LIKE, UGH,SO COMPLICATED.

[sighs]AND, LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO DATE.

DATING IS SO DUMB.I HATE IT.

THE LAST DATE I WENT ON,

THE GUY WAS CUTE,AND WE WERE MAKING OUT.

LIKE, HE KEPT TRYING TO HAVESEX WITH ME,

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO,SO I KEPT BEING LIKE,

"NO, NO,"AND HE KEPT TRYING.

AND THEN, LIKE, AFTER 40 MINUTESOF MAKING OUT,

HE STARED INTO MY EYESAND WENT,

"LIZA, QUIT BEING STINGYWITH YOUR [bleep]."

AND IT'S LIKE,

DID YOU THINK THAT LINEWAS GONNA WORK?

I MEAN--

I MEAN, IT DID.

GOOD ONE.

YOU JUST GOTTA TAKEWHAT YOU CAN GET, YOU KNOW.

UM, LIKE HAVING SEXWITH YOUR FRIEND'S DAD

IS NOT A GOOD IDEA,

AND THEN, LIKE,ONE TIME IT IS, AND--

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

HE HAD ALL THIS TROUBLEBREATHING.

I'M LIKE, UGH.

UM, AND THEN HE KEPT CALLINGMISSIONARY "TRADITIONAL,"

AND I'M LIKE, I DON'T--I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST--CAN YOU PLEASELET ME GO HOME?

LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.I DON'T KNOW.

AND ALL RELATIONSHIP ADVICEFOR WOMEN IS TERRIBLE.

LIKE, I WOULD LEARN, YOU KNOW.LIKE, I READ MAGAZINES.

I GO ONLINE.LIKE, I'LL READ A BOOK OR TWO.

BUT ALL RELATIONSHIP ADVICEFOR WOMEN IS TERRIBLE.

ALL IT EVER SAYS IS, LIKE,

"HEY, DON'T BE YOURSELF,'CAUSE YOU'RE A [bleep] PSYCHO!"

AND THAT'S IT.THAT'S ALL THERE IS.

IT'S LIKE,"DON'T BE TOO AVAILABLE.

DON'T CALL ALL THE TIME.DON'T TEXT TOO MUCH."

I AM VERY AVAILABLE.

I LOOK AT PICTURES OF CUPCAKESON THE INTERNET

ALL THE TIME,ALL THE TIME.

I KNOW ALL ABOUT NAIL ART.

LIKE, LET'S JUST HANG OUT.

I JUST WANTTO HANG OUT WITH YOU.

"HANG OUT WITH YOUR GAL PALS.GET A HOBBY.

GO WORK OUT."

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WAS, HE WAS LIKE,"HEY, CAN YOU PLEASE

START WEARING DEODORANT?"

AND...

I WAS LIKE,"IT GIVES YOU BREAST CANCER.

BUT YOU ARE CUTE.OKAY."

SO I STARTED WEARINGDEODORANT,

AND IT WAS GOING GREAT.I LIKED IT.

AND THEN I WENTTO MY FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH,

T.J.MAXX,AND I WAS SHOPPING.

I WAS LOOKINGAT A PICTURE FRAME,

AND I LOOKED,AND I SAW A WOMAN

TAKING A SHITON THE FLOOR.

AND SO I'M, LIKE,WATCHING THIS WOMAN

SHITTING ON A FLOOR,

AND I REALIZED THAT SHE HADA WEDDING RING ON,

AND I'M LIKE, WHAT THE HELL?THAT IS CRAZY! THAT'S CRA--

IF THIS WOMAN TAKING A SHITON A FLOOR FOUND A HUSBAND,

THERE IS NO WAYI'M EVER WEARING DEODORANT,

EVER!

'CAUSE SHE SMELLSLIKE SHIT,

AND SHE HAS A HUSBAND!

LIKE, WHAT--I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

AND ONCE I WORKEDWITH A GIRL,

AND SHE ONLY HADONE THUMB.

ONE THUMB,AND SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND.

THAT'S CRAZY.

THAT'S CRAZY,AND I HATED HER,

'CAUSE WE WERE WAITRESSES,

AND SHE WOULD DROP DRINKSALL THE TIME.

SO I INVITED HER TO MY HOUSETO SMOKE OUT OF A BONG

'CAUSE I KNEWSHE COULDN'T DO IT,

AND THEN, LIKE--

YEAH.DO YOU WANNA PLAY MARIO KART?

AWW.

MAYBE NEXT TIME.

BUT I ALSO WENTTO A CHRISTIAN COLLEGE,

WHICH IS REALLY SILLY

BECAUSE I'M A JEWAND, LIKE, GOD'S NOT REAL.

SO...

IT WAS JUSTA REALLY FUN TIME.

I DID HAVE THIS CLASSWITH THIS ONE GIRL.

WE TOOK CHRISTIAN ETHICSTOGETHER.

YOU CAN IMAGINEHOW FUN SHE IS.

AND, UM, WE'RE STILL FRIENDSON FACEBOOK,

AND I WAS READINGHER STATUS RECENTLY,

AND IT SAID,

"I WISH SWALLOWINGWASN'T SO IMPORTANT."

OKAY.

AND THEN--YEAH.

BUT THEN THERE WERESIX COMMENTS UNDERNEATH IT,

AND NOT ONE COMMENTWAS ABOUT [bleep]-SUCKING.

THAT'S CRAZY.

THAT'S CR--I DON'T KNOWONE FRIEND

THAT WOULD READ, "I WISHSWALLOWING WASN'T SO IMPORTANT,"

AND WOULD NOT THINKABOUT A [bleep] IN A MOUTH.

LIKE, I DON'T EVEN GET IT.I DON'T EVEN GET IT.

ALL THE COMMENTS WERE LIKE,"MM, I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU HAVE STREP THROAT."

AND I'M VERY EXCITEDTO BE HERE.

MY WHOLE LIFE,I'VE BEEN TOLD

THAT I'M AN AWKWARD PERSON.

PEOPLE HAVE SAID THISTO ME FOREVER,

AND I FOUND THATREALLY FRUSTRATING.

BUT WHAT I HAVE FOUNDMORE FRUSTRATING

IS THAT, RECENTLY,IT'S BECOME, LIKE,

COOL AND TRENDYTO BE AWKWARD.

LIKE, I DON'T KNOWIF YOU SEE THIS NOW.

I WAS EATING LUNCHAROUND THIS GIRL

WHO'S, LIKE,REALLY PRETTY AND POPULAR,

AND SHE SPILLEDSOME OF HER SALAD,

AND SHE WAS LIKE,"AWKWARD!"

AND I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE,IT'S NOT AWKWARD!

YOU'RE JUST DROPPING LETTUCE.I HATE MYSELF.

THESE ARE VERYDIFFERENT THINGS.

LIKE, REAL AWKWARD PEOPLE,

WHEN YOU DOSOMETHING UNCOMFORTABLE,

YOU'RE NOT LIKE, "AWKWARD."

YOU'RE LIKE, "I'M GONNA BE ALONEUNTIL I'M DEAD."

LIKE, I WAS HANGING OUTWITH A BUDDY OF MINE

WHO'S BEEN COOLMY WHOLE LIFE.

HE'S ONE OF MY COOLEST FRIENDS,AND HE CAME UP TO ME,

AND HE WAS LIKE,"DUDE, I'M SO AWKWARD."

AND I WAS LIKE, "WHY?"

AND HE WAS LIKE,"MAN, IT'S SO AWKWARD FOR ME

"TO TEXT BECKYTO HAVE SEX

NOW THAT I'M SECRETLY BANGINGHER ROOMMATE."

AWKWARD, RIGHT?

I WAS LIKE, "NO."

WHEN I WAS COMING UPIN AWKWARD,

IT WASN'T AWKWARD TEXTING BECKYTO HAVE SEX

NOW THAT YOU'RE SECRETLYBANGING HER ROOMMATE.

I THOUGHT IT WAS AWKWARDTEXTING BECKY,

"HEY, WHAT ARE YOUUP TO TONIGHT?"

AND ALSO, "HEY, WHAT'SGOING DOWN TONIGHT?"

'CAUSE YOU WERE WRITINGTWO DRAFTS,

AND YOU SENT THEMAT THE SAME TIME,

AND YOU CAN'T EVEN LIETHAT IT'S A DUPLICATE

'CAUSE IT'S DIFFERENT WORDS.

SO SHE DOESN'T RESPONDTO YOU.

SO THEN YOU TEXT HER ROOMMATE.YOU'RE LIKE,

"HEY, IS BECKY'S PHONE BROKEN?L.O.L., NO BIG DEAL,"

BUT IT IS A BIG DEAL.

SHE DOESN'T RESPONDTO YOU EITHER,

AND THEN,FOR THE NEXT YEAR,

WITHOUT PUTTING UP A FIGHT,

YOU JUST FADEOUT OF THEIR LIVES...

UNTIL YOUR FRIENDHAS SEX WITH THEM BOTH

AND HAS THE AUDACITYTO TELL YOU

HOW AWKWARD THAT IS.

THAT'S THE AWKWARD NEIGHBORHOODI'M FROM.

THAN I AM AS AN ADULT,

BECAUSE, LIKE, AS A KID,EVERYONE WAS LIKE,

"HEY, DON'T TALKTO STRANGERS."

AND I WAS AMAZING AT THAT.

I WAS SO GOOD.

BUT NOW, AS A YOUNG ADULT,EVERYONE'S LIKE,

"HEY, YOU KNOW, INSTEAD,YOU SHOULD GO TO NIGHTCLUBS

AND HAVE SEXWITH STRANGERS,"

AND I'M HORRIBLE AT THAT.

AND MY FRIENDS MAKE FUNOF ME FOR THIS,

BUT, LIKE,IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

LIKE, I'M NOT GONNA BEGOOD AT THAT

BECAUSE IN A NIGHTCLUB,IT'S TOO LOUD.

THERE'S NO TALKING.

YOUR APPEARANCEIS ALL THAT MATTERS.

I AM 5'5".

I HAVE NO MUSCLESAND BOYISH FEATURES.

SO EVEN IF SOMEONEAT A NIGHTCLUB

IS REALLY INTO ME,

THEN THEY ARE TOO KINKYFOR ME.

LIKE, THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.

I'M MORE OF A FETISHTHAN I AM A MAN.

AND I SHOULD BE ABLETO FAIL AT NIGHTCLUBS.

LIKE, I DON'T CAREIF I'M WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BEWHAT YOU'RE SHOOTING FOR

BECAUSE THE PEOPLEWHO SHOOT FOR ME

ARE THE SAME STRANGERS I WASNOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO

AS A KID.

- SO YOU GUYS WANTSOMETHING TO DRINK?

- YEAH, YOU GOT ANY GLENLIVET?

- NO, I DON'T KNOWWHAT THAT IS,

BUT I DO HAVE WINE COOLERS.

- THAT'LL WORK.- COOL. PARTY BEASTS.

- YEAH, I LIKE IT.LET'S G--

- THIS GUY'S ALREADYGOING FOR IT.

- CHUCK WAGON!- UPCHUCK!

- OOH.- OKAY.

- DARTMOUTH!- JESUS.

- '97!- ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, WELL, I OWN THAT, SO--

- I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING!

- JESUS, REALLY?

- NO, I FEEL EVERYTHING.

DO YOU BOYS HAVEANY STERILE BANDAGES?

- NO. I DO HAVE, LIKE,A BATHMAT, THOUGH.

WE'LL GET SOME DUCT TAPE.IT'LL BE GOOD.

WE LIKE WATCHING NETFLIX.

YOU LIKE NETFLIX?

[loud cheers]YEAH.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ITTO LOOK AT ME,

BUT ALL I DOWITH MY NETFLIX IS,

I JUST WATCH MURDER, SHE WROTE.

I LOVE MURDER, SHE WROTE.

I LOOK LIKEI'D D.V.R. STORAGE WARS,

BUT I LOVE MURDER, SHE WROTE.

AND I WAS WATCHING AN EPISODEOF MURDER, SHE WROTE RECENTLY,

AND IN THE EPISODE,JESSICA FLETCHER TRAVELS

TO NEW YORK,

AND SHE FINDS OUTTHAT ONE OF HER FORMER STUDENTS

BECAME A PROSTITUTEAND GOT MURDERED, OKAY?

AND I'M WATCHING THISALONE IN MY APARTMENT,

AND OUT LOUD,I SAID THIS.

I GO,"OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE."

I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE GONNA HAVEKIDS, ME AND MY WIFE.

I DON'T KNOW IFWE'RE GONNA HAVE 'EM.

WE MIGHT HAVE KIDS.I DON'T KNOW.

RIGHT? I DON'T KNOW.

I TELL YOU ONE THING,IF I HAVE KIDS,

I'M NOT GONNADRESS THEM COOL.

I'M NOT GONNA PUT THEMIN COOL [bleep] CLOTHES.

I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.

IF YOU GIVE YOUR KIDA FAUX-HAWK,

YOU'RE OFFICIALLY AN ASSHOLEIN MY BOOK, OKAY?

WHEN I--I HAD TOWEAR EMBARRASSING CLOTHES

AS A KID, MAN.

WHEN I WAS A KID,I HAD A SHIRT

THAT JUST HAD MY NAMEEMBROIDERED ON IT.

JUST SAID "SEAN", LIKE THAT.

JUST RIPEFOR THE KIDNAPPING.

"WHAT'S YOUR NAME--SEAN?"

"YEAH, I'M SEAN!

"I'LL GO WITH YOU.HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

I'M SEAN!"

I HAD A MATCHING BELT.

I HAD A BELTTHAT HAD MY NAME ON IT.

YOU EVER BEEN BEATENWITH A BELT

THAT HAS YOUR NAME ON IT

BY A KIDTHAT'S ROUGHLY YOUR SIZE?

IT'S EMBARRASSING!

I CAN'T REALLY TALKABOUT COOL CLOTHES

'CAUSE I LIKE OLD NAVY.YOU LIKE OLD NAVY?

[scattered cheers]

I LIKE OLD NAVY, MAN.YOU WANT TO BE A BIG SHOT?

GO TAKE 100 BUCKSTO OLD NAVY.

YOU WALK IN OLD NAVYWITH 100 BUCKS.

YOU'LL BECOME THE MAYOROF OLD NAVY WITH 100 BUCKS.

YOU GOT A GOLD WATCH,A CIGAR,

YOU'RE THROWING T-SHIRTSEVERYWHERE.

YOU GET 400 [bleep] T-SHIRTSFOR 17¢.

IT'S EXCITING!

I WENT CRAZYON GRAPHIC TEES.

I BOUGHT 40 [bleep] GRAPHIC TEESFROM OLD NAVY.

I BOUGHT A RUN-D.M.C. SHIRTFROM OLD NAVY.

THAT'S THE MOST UN-RUN-D.M.C.THING YOU CAN DO.

OLD NAVYDOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.

I WALKED INTO OLD NAVYTHE OTHER DAY.

THEY HAD A SALE JUST CALLED"[bleep] IT, TAKE IT.

"WHATEVER YOU WANT.GO AHEAD.

"IT'S OLD NAVY.WHO'S WATCHING?

[bleep], WHO CARES?"

I KNOW I CAME HERELOOKING LIKE

DAD TRYING TO DRESS COOL.

I GET THAT.

LIKE, WHAT'S UPWITH THE Y.O.L.O., RIGHT?

WHAT'S THE Y.O.L.O.?WHAT IS THAT?

HOW 'BOUT THIS "BELIEBER"GUY, RIGHT?

I'M TRYINGTO LOSE WEIGHT, MAN.

MY NEW FITNESS GOALIS TO JUST NOT BE SLOWER

THAN THE GOOGLEWALKING DIRECTIONS.

THAT'S ALL I WANT.YOU EVER LOOK AT THE--

YOU KNOW WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT?

YOU EVER, LIKE--YOU EVER LOOK ATTHE GOOGLE WALKING DIRECTIONS,

AND YOU'RE LIKE,"SIX MINUTES, GOOGLE?

HOW MANY SNACK STOPS DID YOU PUTINTO THAT ASSESSMENT?"

I'M GETTING BIG, MAN,

AND WHEN YOU HAVEA BELLY LIKE THIS,

YOUR BELLY STARTSTO PUSH DOWN YOUR PANTS.

IT'S A FACT OF LIFETHAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

BUT IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOUR BELLYIS TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU.

IT'S LIKE, "LET'S GET YOUOUT OF THESE PANTS, SEAN.

"YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY, SEAN.

"LET'S GET YOUOUT OF THESE PANTS.

YOU LOOK HOT."

I'M GETTING SO BIG

THAT AT THIS POINT,IF I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET,

AND I DROP SOMETHING,

I'LL JUST [bleep] LEAVE IT.

LIKE, IT DOESN'T MATTERWHAT IT IS.

IT COULD BE A CELL PHONE.

IT COULD EVEN BE AN IPHONE.IT COULD BE A BABY.

IT'S BLACK HAWK DOWN FOR THAT BABY.

I GOT MARRIEDA COUPLE YEARS AGO.

THAT'S EXCITING, HUH?

[cheers and applause]

DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.

I THINK MY WIFEIS DONE [bleep] ME.

I DON'T THINK SHE WANTSTO HAVE SEX WITH ME ANYMORE.

IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS.THE WAY I KNOW--

SHE GIVES ME SHITTY EXCUSES

ABOUT WHY SHE CAN'T HAVESEX WITH ME.

LIKE, THE OTHER DAY,I WANTED TO HAVE SEX,

AND MY WIFE GOES LIKE THIS,SHE GOES,

"I CAN'T, I HAVE TO WAKE UPEARLY TOMORROW."

THAT'S--THAT'S A TERRIBLE EXCUSE.

I'M LIKE, SIX MINUTES?

YOU CAN'T SPARESIX MINUTES FOR THIS?

WHAT ABOUT THIS BODYMAKES YOU THINK

YOU'RE WAKING UPAT NOON TOMORROW

AFTER WE'RE DONEHAVING SEX?

THIS ISN'TA "[bleep] YOU ALL NIGHT,

WAKE UP LATE TOMORROW"KIND OF SEX BODY.

THIS ISN'T GOOD SEX.

THIS IS PALE, FAT,IRISH SEX.

THIS IS DEPRESSING SEX.

THIS ISN'T 50 SHADES OF GREY SEX.

THIS IS ANGELA'S ASHES SEX.

THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU'RE--WE'RE HAVING SEX,

AND YOU'RE WAKING UPLATE TOMORROW

IS IF WE HAVE SEX,AND THEN WE WATCH

ALL OF THE GODFATHER MOVIES.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAYTHAT'S HAPPENING.

THERE'S GOTTA BE MORE SHITGOING ON IN THERE.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THISFANCY GLASS BONG TECHNOLOGY.

NOPE.

WE WANTED TO SMOKEA LITTLE WEED,

WE, UH, WE HAD TO IMPROVISEOUR PARAPHERNALIA.

- REALLY?- YEAH, WE'D SMOKE ON ANYTHING.

- LIKE WHAT?

[The Hives' Patrolling Days]- ♪ GO!

- OH, YEAH.

- I'VE HEARDOF THIS ONE BEFORE.

- APPLE A DAY.- WHOO!

- ♪ WAITED FAR TOO LONG

♪ FOR THIS DAY TO DAWN

♪ MARKED POSITION WITH AN "X"

♪ AND KEPT FLOATING ON

♪ NOW I STRETCH AND YAWN

♪ ALL IMPOSTERS GONE

♪ ONCE AGAIN IT'S TIMETO REAP AND SOW ♪

♪ I'M A RISING TIDE

♪ ROLLERCOASTER RIDE

♪ WE'RE CH-CH-CHUGGING

♪ RIGHT INTO THE FUN

♪ I WON'T BE DENIED

♪ SO YOU OPEN WIDE

♪ 'CAUSE I'M ONLY LOOKING OUTFOR YOU ♪

- [groans]

all:♪ HAVING A GOOD...TIME

♪ IT'S PARTY TIME

♪ HAVING A GOOD

- SHH!

all:♪ TIME

♪ AND IT'S PARTY TIME

♪ HAVING A GOOD

- OOH.

- HIDE!

[scrambling drum beats]

[tires screeching]

- WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING?

- CHAPERONING.I-I-I HAVEN'T HAD ONE DRINK.

- YOU JUST HOLD ITRIGHT THERE, TOOTSIE,

AND LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING.

DON'T YOU EVEN THINKABOUT TELLING

ANYTHING TO DEBRA,

BECAUSE THIS ISNOT DEBRA'S BUSINESS.

THIS IS OUR BUSINESS,AND YOU DON'T EVEN--

I AM NOT GONNA BE HELDRESPONSIBLE

FOR WHAT I CAN POSSIBLYDO TO YOU.

DON'T YOU BREATHEA SINGLE, SOLITARY WORD

TO DEBRA,NOT A SINGLE WORD TO DEBRA!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?NOTHING!

- I'M TELLING DEBRA.- ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.

GUILTY AS CHARGED.YOU LOOK GORGEOUS TONIGHT.

I'M GONNA GO VOMIT.

- CLARENCE,YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

- HEY, IF--IF CLARENCE GOES,

I GO.

- NO, YOU DON'T.

- I GO TOO.

- I DON'T CARE.- I ALSO GO TOO.

- YOU CAN'T EVEN SPEAKENGLISH.

both:AND WE'RE GOING.

- UGH, DISGUSTING.

[triumphant music]

- WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL,WELL, WELL, WELL.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE ALLGOING TOO.

[music stops suddenly]OH, [bleep]!

[whining][bleep]

- RAMONA!

HE'S JUST A KID.

THE THERAPIST SAIDNO MORE HITTING.

- YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS.

- OH, MY--[grunts]

- RAMONA--RAMONA!

[indistinct chatter]

[baby crying]

HEY, ADAM.

[gentle music]YOU'RE THE MAN.

[lasers zapping]

- NO.

YOU'RE THE MAN.

[gunshots]

[silenced gunshots]

[explosion]

[gunfire]

[gunfire]

- CLARENCE.

[sound effectsand music stop suddenly]

- REALLY GOTTA GO.SORRY.

- HEY, COULD--IF YOU COULD NOTPARK ON THIS SIDE OF THE STREET,

IT BLOCKS MEIN MY DRIVEWAY, SO--

- COOL, YEAH.

[laser zapping]

- LATER.

[Palma Violets' Best of Friends]

- ♪ I SEE ALAINAIN THE DISTANCE ♪

♪ SHOUTING OUT A WORD

♪ OH, SHE RUNS THROUGHPERSISTENT ♪

♪ OH, HER MIND IS SO ABSURD

- [together]♪ OH, LOVE

♪ WHOA, LOVE

♪ JUMPING JOLLYTILL THE END ♪

♪ I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND

♪ I WANNA BE YOUR

♪ BEST FRIEND

♪ I DON'T WANT YOUTO BE MY GIRL ♪

♪ I WANNA BE YOUR

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