Book Report

  • Season 1, Ep 2
  • 01/21/2016

When she's forced to do schoolwork that includes reading actual books, Gene plots to take Billie down.

- Sorry if this book report'snot very good.

I've been up lateworking hard on it,

but then also "School Ties"came on,

and that's one ofmy favorite movies,

which is surprising,'cause I don't like

anything school-related, butI love Jewish-themed movies.

- No, that's okay.

- Why are you interruptingthe book report?

- Oh, I didn't realize you...

Are you reading thatoff the page?

- Yes!- Oh. Sorry.

It was so conversational,I thought we were just talking.

- Okay, well now I lostmy frickin' spot.

- I'm sorry.- Just let me...

All flustered now.[clears throat]

I did my book report on

"Fear and Loathingin Las Vegas."

I liked it slash it wasconfusing as [bleep].

The book startswith Raoul Duke

behind the wheelof a convertible.

[eagle screeches]

He realizes the drugs he took earlier are kicking in.

- They're kicking in,the drugs, yes?

- [garbled mumbling]

- Next to him sits his 300-pound attorney,

Dr. Gonzo, aka The Fat Samoan.

- [mumbles]

- They were headed to Vegas from L.A.

- Let's go to Vegas.

- And there were bats and stuff.

- I see two more.- I see bats.

- It's real. It's real.

- They're on their way to Vegas,

but they got derailed

because Lenny is like,

"Curley, what's up with your hand?"

- I like to keep my handnice and soft

so I can touch my girlfriend.

Aw, that feels gross.

Wait, who's Lennie?

- Me--sometimes, uh,Raoul Duke

calls himself Lennie.

- Got it.

- So they took off.

- This plane's going fast.

- I don't think planeswere invented yet.

- They continued their journey.

- Cow, cow, cow, cow.

- That's not a cow.That's a tire.

- It was much easier for them to get to Vegas

by taking the good ol' Mississippi River.

- We gotta catch thatriverboat.

- I agree with you.

- You catch anything?

- Just this minnow.

Uh-oh.

You want it?

- Nice minnow!

- And by that time, Dr. Gonzo was a free man.

- Gene.

- Whoosh.

- Gene!- Sup?

- Okay.Gimme that.

- Okay.- And get off my desk.

- Jeez. Demanding.

Any questions?

You with the stupid glassesin the front?

- How many of the booksthat I gave you did you read?

'Cause it feels like you readparts of all of them

without noticingthey were different,

and wove them into one story.

- Okay, CSI Miami,if you say so.

Or--any of the CSI'swould work.

- Didn't you notice thatthe names kept changing?

- Yeah, but I thoughtthey were, like, nicknames.

Like, how some people call me"Genie" or "Goosetits."

Really wish that onewould go away.

- How is thateven possible?

- Oh, guys said that my titslooked like goose beaks.

- I wonder if anyone'sever died

dying these tennis ballstheir classic

neon green color.

- That's how I wanna go,you know?

Like, doing somethinghella weird

slash sports related.

- I want to goin a fire tragedy.

- Speaking of, I needyour help.

We need to get Billie fired.

- No! Why?I mean, why, and--

- What?

- But, I thought youliked her.

- No, she's like,freakin' lame.

With, like, a capital "F"and a lowercase "L,"

'cause you only capitalize,like,

the first letterof the sentence.

Damn it!

- You do?

- Yeah, it's a thing.- You do?

- Why do I know that?

- I mean, I'm impressed.

I mean, it seems likeshe's taught you

some really cool things.

- Yeah, it's, like,the worst.

- What if you just,you know,

kept her around in caseshe has a crush

on one of your friends?

Mm...I don't haveany friends.

- I thought I wasyour friend.

[laughter]

[knock at door]- Gene?

- Don't come in,we're naked!

- No you're not, you're bothwearing terrible clothes.

- Maybe that's just whatour bare skin looks like.

- Oh, hi Billie.I didn't see you there.

- Hello, Chet.

- She knows I'm here.I can't stand it.

- I can hear you.[clears throat]

Uh, Gene, did you startyour book report?

- Yeah.Done.

Capital "D."Lowercase "one."

Damn it!

- You read a whole bookand already wrote your report?

- Yeah.I read "The Grapes Gatsby."

- Do you mean"The Great Gatsby?"

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.Well, what's it about?

- [groans]

It's about rich people.- Uh-huh.

- Who are in love.- Mm-hmm.

- And it's directedby Baz Luhrmann.

- It's directed by?- It's written by Baz Luhrmann.

- Okay.

- And the music for the bookwas done by Jay Z,

and it stars Leo DiCaps,

old Spider-Man,and Borat's wife.

- Okay, so you watchedthe movie.

You didn't read the book.

- They made a movieout of that?

- Come on.We'll start over.

We'll pick a new book.Come on.

- And what's gonna happenif I don't?

- Uh, major consequences.

- Major consequences.- Yeah.

- That sounds like a Disneymovie about the Army.

- "Major Consequences,"starring Zack and Cody!

- [laughs]

They would be in it!- They would.

- Totally they would star in it!- Yeah!

- Hey, Chet, do you wantto go to my guesthouse

where all my underwear isand pick a new book?

- Yes, yes,a thousand times, yes.

- Great.

Guess your plans have changed.