The Lockout

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 02/12/2014

With Abbi's big gallery debut just hours away, the girls find themselves locked out of both of their apartments with nowhere to get ready.

Okay, who would you ratherhave go down on you?

Michael Bubleor Janet Jackson?

Oh, okay.

What Buble are wetalking about, though?

I don't know, the optimalMichael Buble.

His weight fluctuates.

Yeah.So does hers.

Yeah.So does mine.

Yeah.But then again,

Michael Buble is,like, such a crooner.

I feel like he could dostuff with his mouth that,

like, most peoplecouldn't.

Somebody calla locksmith?

Yeah.

I'm gonna look disgustingfor tonight is all.

No, you're gonnalook hot and cool.

Your shower is justa lockpick away.

Very hot.

Very cool.

What's your name,sweetheart?

Uh...

Yolanda.

Yolanda.

So where is ityou sleep?

What?

Which apartment's yours?

Um...

Do you have any, like,credentials?

Or, like, a license to bea locksmith that you could

just show us?

No, the only thing youneed to be a locksmith is

you gotta want it.

Real bad.

That one.

Yeah, it's this one,the 6--

6C.

(amorous groaning)

They call thisa whore door.

'Cause it's so easy.

Okay.

Thank you for yourterrifying services

and don't call us,we'll call you.

Oh yeah.

Oh, you'll call me, huh?

(whistling)

Oh, yes.Oh.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry I got you maced.

That's okay.

It's not your fault.

We're just technicallyhomeless right now, so.

Ben Affleck was homelessfor a night for charity.

We're, like, doing that,just involuntarily.

Yeah, we're justa regular Matt and Ben.

Exactly what's happening.

(beeping)

(beeping)

Oh, God.

♪ I walk in the dark I cry

I'm sorry,can I help you?

Oh, I'm oneof the artists.

One of thesandwich artists?

No, I'm one of the--the artist artists.

Have any of the piecessold yet?

I know it's early.I haven't heard anything.

But I highly doubt it.

Well, no, it's just that peopledon't really come in here

for the art.

We're a sandwich shop.

So we sell food.

Would you like some?

Are they...free sandwiches?

You can orderand then pay.

Okay, so how itusually works.

It's-- Yeah.

High-quality lotion,I'm gonna take the lotion.

God.

(scoffs)Gallery.

Step into reality.

Oh.

Ilana?

Are you eatinggarbage bagels?

Why are you here?

Abbi sent me a Facebook inviteto her gallery debut.

Do you...look... crazy?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I do.

I got locked outand then I--

I just, like, ruinedher night completely.

I'm an idiot,I'm like a dumb ass.

I, like, can't function.

Oh, don't be so hardon yourself.

Nobody's perfect.

I'm nota perfect dentist.

I eat candy all the time.

I got, like,six cavities.

Thanks-- thanks for--Ahh!

Ooh, what?

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

The keys tomy apartment.

Don't you evertell Abbi.

You can't ever tell her.

You can't ever tell her this,this is--

I won't tell Abbi, but I'vetold you several times

and I'lltell you again,

phone, keys, wallet--Every time.

Phone, keys,wallet, P-K-W.

Your brain is a muscle, Ilana,and I feel like that muscle

isn't gettingenough exercise.

You need to do yourbrain kegels.

And five.

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