Hawaii

  • Season 2, Ep 7
  • 08/12/2014

Captain James Cook increasingly becomes a problem for Chief Kalaniopuu, Daniel Inouye fights valiantly in World War II, and Eddie Aikau galvanizes a generation of surfers.

AND GOES, LIKE,HEY, EVERYBODY.

I'M BACK.

AND THEY'RE LIKE,OH, YOU'RE--WHY ARE YOU BACK?

COOK IS JUST LIKE,NOW AS YOUR GOD,

I DEMAND YOU TO FIX MY BOAT.

MY BOAT GOT BROKE.

NOW YOU GOT TO FIX MY BOAT.FIX MY BROKE BOAT.

AND SO EVERYBODY IN HAWAIIIS JUST LIKE, NO, BRAH.

NOT EVEN.

- LET'S DO A SHOT.

- [laughs]

LAUGH WITH ME.

YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKEA FOOL OF ME.

BECAUSE I'VE SEEN THE SHOW.

I KNOW HOW IT WORKS.

- PERFECT.

- SO COOK IS SAYING,THAT'S REALLY WEIRD

THAT THEY'RE NOT TREATINGTHEIR GODS WITH RESPECT.

AND THEN SO THE HAWAIIAN PEOPLE,JUST KIND OF UPSET,

STEAL SOME STUFF.

CAPTAIN COOKAND HIS MEN NOTICE IT.

THEY'RE LIKE, HEY,I THINK THIS STUFF WAS STOLEN.

I THINK THEY STOLE IT.

WE SHOULD PROBABLY,UH, RETALIATE.

AND CAPTAIN COOK GOES,OH, NO, NO, NO.

UNTIL YOU RETURN OUR STUFF

AND FIX OUR BOAT,

WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOUR CHIEF.

AND THEY KIDNAPPEDKING KALANI'OPU'U.

AND THIS IS WHERE THINGSTAKE A TURN FOR THE WORST.

HE WAS SAYING--HE'S LIKE,ALL RIGHT.

I'M GONNA TAKE THIS GUYBACK TO THE BOAT.

SHOW THEM HOW GNARLYWE CAN GET.

AT THAT POINT, ONE OF CAPTAINJAMES COOK'S MEN SHOOTS A KID,

KALANI'OPU'U'S NEPHEW,

AND EVERYONE LOSES IT.

EVERYONE'S JUST LIKE,WHAT THE [bleep]?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?WHAT ARE YOU, WHITE?

AND THEY START PICKING UP ROCKSAND SPEARS

AND PUMMELING CAPTAIN COOKAND HIS MEN.

IT'S--IT'S LIKE A MOSH PIT.

COOK IS SAYING,OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S AT THIS MOMENT

THAT I REALIZE THAT THEYDON'T THINK WE'RE GODS.

CLANK, CAPTAIN COOK GETS KILLEDIN THIS SITUATION.

COUPLE OTHER JAMES COOK'SSHIPMATES--

- WHOOPSIE.

- SHUT THE [bleep] UP.

I DIDN'T REALIZEHOW COMBATIVE THIS WOULD GET.

- DEAL WITH IT.

- AND THEN KALANI'OPU'U GOES,WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT.

EVERYONE CHILL OUT.

EVERYONE'S LIKE,ALL RIGHT, COOL.

HE'S LIKE,I LIKE THIS GUY.

HE MESSED UP.WE ALL DO.

LET'S GIVE HIMA PROPER HAWAIIAN BURIAL.

WE'RE GONNA BURN HIS BODY,

TAKE SOME OF THE BONES

AND KEEP THEM FOR OURSELVESBECAUSE,

YOU KNOW,THIS GUY SEEMS TO BE--

HE HAS A LOTOF STUFF GOING ON.

BUT WE'RE GONNA GIVE THE RESTOF THE BODY BACK.

AND SO THEY BURNED THE BODY,AND HE SAYS, HERE.

HERE'S THIS SACK OF--

HERE'S THE SACK OF JAMES COOK.

NO HARD FEELINGS.

YOU UNDERSTOODHOW IT ALL WENT DOWN.

HAVE FUN BACK IN ENGLAND.

AFTER THAT,HAWAII BECAME A PORT.

ON COMEDY CENTRAL.

TONIGHT, THE STORYOF DANIEL INOUYE.

CHEERS.

DANIEL INOUYE IS PUTTING HIS TIEON ONE BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY MORNING

WHEN SUDDENLY HIS FATHER'SIN THE HALLWAY.

AND HIS DAD'S LIKE,THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

IT'S NOT A JOKE.

PEARL HARBOR'S BEEN ATTACKED.

WE'RE [bleep].AMERICA'S BOMBED.

HAWAII IS BOMBED.

PEARL HARBOR IS BOMBED.

BANG,DOWN HE GOES INTO HONOLULU,

AND HE WAS THE FIRST GUY IN LINETO ENLIST.

AND THEY CAME OUT AND SAID,YOU CAN'T ENLIST.

INOUYE'S LIKE, WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A JAP.

YOU KNOW, IT SUCKS.

THAT JUST BLEWHIS [bleep] MIND.

HE WAS,WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M READY TO ROCK AND ROLLON THIS [bleep], YOU KNOW.

WHY CAN'T JAPANESE-AMERICANSFIGHT?

WELL, THIS WAS BULL [bleep]BECAUSE NOT A ONE

OF THESE PEOPLEHAD PROVEN THEMSELVES

TO BE ANYTHING OTHERTHAN LOYAL [bleep] AMERICANS.

IT WASN'T UNTIL 1943 WHENFINALLY THE 442 WAS ORGANIZED.

WE ARE THE GO FOR BROKEJAPANESE-AMERICAN UNIT,

THE REGINAL INNERMINT--

INTERNET--THE INTERNET REGIMENT TEAM.

WHOO, MAN.

[laughter]

THE 442 INFANTRY REGIMENTUNITED STATES REGIMENT.

MOST OF THE 442CAME FROM HAWAII.

WHAT THE [bleep] IS THAT?

- WELL, WE'RE GONNA BUILD THESCENE.

LET'S SEE IF WE GOT--- OH, I SEE.

- WE'RE GONNA HIDE THERE.- WHAT THE [bleep] IS THIS?

HE'S PLAYING A GUITAR.

LOOK AT THIS ONE.

- OH, YEAH.IS THAT LA BAMBA?

- HE'S--YEAH, HE'S DOINGA GUITAR MOVE HERE, YOU SEE?

HE'S JUST, YEAH.

SO THE FIGHTING IN ITALYWAS BRUTALITY UNCHAINED.

THERE WAS MOUNTAIN FIGHTING.

IT WAS SLOW, PLODDING,DEADLY WARFARE.

DANIEL IS A--HE'S A LIEUTENANT,SO HE'S LEADING A PLATOON.

IT'S APRIL OF 1945.

THE OBJECTIVE,

WE GOT TO CLEARTHESE MACHINE GUN NESTS.

WHAT THE [bleep], YOU KNOW.

LET'S SENDTHESE JAPANESE GUYS IN.

LET'S SEEWHAT THEY CAN DO, OKAY?

YOU KNOW, GO OUT,KICK ASS, TAKE NAMES.

[bleep] THEM UP.

YOU KNOW, LET'S GO, MAN.

INOUYE LEADS HIS PLATOONUP THIS RIDGE.

GRADUALLY, HE SEES HIS MENBEHIND HIM GETTING KILLED.

INOUYE BY THIS POINT SAYS,MY MEN ARE SITTING DUCKS.

BUT INOUYE IS THE OFFICER,AND HE'S DANIEL INOUYE.

HE SAYS, OKAY, [bleep] IT.

I GOT A--I GOT A BAG FULL OF GRENADES.

I'M GONNA TAKE ANOTHER SHOT.

BY HIMSELF, HE KEPT ADVANCING.

IT'S LIKE SOMETHINGOUT OF A [bleep] MOVIE.

THE GUY'S THROWING GRENADESAND FIRING A MACHINE GUN.

THROWING GRENADESAND FIRING A MACHINE GUN.

BOOM, HE TAKE OUT ONE NESTWITH HAND GRENADES

AND ANOTHER NEST WITH SMALL ARMSFIRING HAND GRENADES.

AND NOW COMES THE THIRDMACHINE GUN NEST.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO FINISH THAT,BY THE WAY.

THERE'S NO--

- OH, I MIGHT AS WELL GO AHEADAND DO IT TO IT, YEAH.

THAT'S THE GOOD--THAT'S THE BABY.

BOOM!

AND THIS BRINGS IN A NEW BREEDOF SURFER FROM AUSTRALIA.

THEY WIN A BUNCHOF COMPETITIONS.

THEN THEY [bleep] GETIN THE PRESS

AND THEY INSULTHAWAIIAN CULTURE,

SAYING, HAWAIIAN WAYOF SURFING IS OLD.

IT'S OUT OF DATE.

WE'RE THE FUTURE.

WE'RE THE FUTURE OF SURFING.

I DATED AN AUSTRALIANFOR TWO YEARS.

CAN'T DO AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT.

I THANK GOD,BECAUSE I'D DO IT ALL THE TIME.

THE HAWAIIANSARE REASONABLE PEOPLE,

BUT THEY HAVE BEENPUSHED TO THE POINT.

SO THE AUSTRALIANSGET BEAT UP A FEW TIMES.

PROBABLY MADE THEMBETTER PEOPLE.

AT A CERTAIN POINT,THEY'VE GOTTEN BEAT UP SO MUCH

THAT THEY'RE, LIKE, HOLED UPIN THEIR ROOM.

THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

AND THEY'RE JUST LIKE,OH, NO.

SO THEY GRAB A BUNCHOF TENNIS RACKETS.

RABBIT GRABS THE DOORKNOB

AND HE TURNS IT LIKE,WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?

HE OPENS IT UP,AND IT'S EDDIE.

AND HE'S LIKE, HEY.

I DON'T HAVE A TENNIS RACKET.

PLEASE PUT THOSE AWAY.

ALSO, WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY?

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.

EDDIE WALKS THEM TO A HOTELWITH A CONFERENCE ROOM.

AND EDDIE'S LIKE,WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW

HAS BEEN HAPPENINGON THESE ISLANDS FOR SO LONG,

WHERE WHITE PEOPLEARE JUST SAYING, LIKE,

HAWAIIANS,YOUR CULTURE'S NOT REAL.

IT'S ALL BULL[bleep].

WE RECOGNIZE YOU SURF WELL,

BUT YOU'RE BEINGA [bleep] DICK.

ALL OF YOU ARE A GROUPOF PENISES SITTING HERE.

AFTER A WHILE,THE AUSTRALIANS ARE LIKE,

WE DON'T WANT TO BE DICKS.

WE WANT TO BE COOLSURFER DUDES.

WE'RE SO SORRY.

DO YOU KNOW THEY SAY"WIDE ON" FOR A FEMALE BONER?

THAT'S AN AUSTRALIAN TERM.

AS OPPOSED TO A HARD ON,IT'S A WIDE ON.

DON'T YOU MAKE MEEXPLAIN THIS MORE.

Loading...