A hammered Lin-Manuel Miranda recounts the life and times of founding father Alexander Hamilton and his lifelong rivalry with Aaron Burr.
Um, so Hamilton shows up at Queens College, and he says,
Hey, what's up, I'm Hamilton.
Here are all my letters from the West Indies.
I'm really [bleep] smart,
so I'd like to graduate in two years,
which Burr did.
Um, and they say,
Burr's dad was the president of Princeton.
We don't know you from a hole in the ground.
And he says, [bleep] you, [bleep] you,
you're cool, Aaron Burr, nice to meet you.
I'm gonna go to another college
that will graduate me faster.
And they both split earlybefore finishing their education
The Revolutionary War.
Burr and Hamilton start their respective war careers.
And Burr has a really distinguished war career.
Um, like, kills a lot of British dudes,
has an amazing, sort of, run.
Meanwhile, George Washington asks Hamilton,
hey, be my aides-de-camp.
Aides-de-camp is, like,a fancy word for secretary.
He's like, nah, nah, nah, I'm good, I wanna fight.
I wanna fight, 'cause that's how I'm gonna rise up.
When Washington's like,
mother[bleep], like, come work for me.
It's paperwork, sure, but you're gonna be
at the center of the action.
You're gonna be in the guy--
in with the guy who knows best.
And Hamilton does his political calculus and says,
So Hamilton writes his letters.
Hamilton writes letters to Congress.
This whole time, all Hamilton wants is a command.
Hamilton's just, sort of, tugging on his sleeve,
being like, can I fight?
Can I--can you just give me, like, a bunch of dudes
and like, I--I promise I'll be so good at this.
And Washington's like,
no, just stay aides-de-camp.
But they go through some of the toughest trials
of the war together.
It's--it's Hamilton and Washington.
And then Hamilton finally goes,
I quit! I'm out!
And Washington, aware ofwhat a, sort of,
gifted but troubled kidHamilton is,
says, all right, you're gonna lead these troops
to do this very specific thing
in the Battle of Yorktown.
Hopefully this is our last battle anyway.
But, like, you will be able to say you led a command.
And so, Hamilton goes into it like, with ridiculous gusto.
Um, he's like--he--
he's like jumping ahead of everyone.
Being like, oh, we're at war! Wah!
Like--like--he's, like, showboating.
Ba dum, ba, dum, ba dum, ba dum, blop.
Ba dum, ba, dum, ba dum--
Like, he's totally showboating.
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
Um, and so three guys go to confront Hamilton
on these charges.
One of the dudes was future president James Monroe.
And they went, yo, Hamilton,
we know what you did, you know what you did.
Check out these checks to James Reynolds.
What's up? And they accuse him
of embezzling funds.
And Hamilton goes, no, no, no.
I was just [bleep] this lady,
and her husband was hitting me up for money.
I didn't touch American money,
and I have all kinds of proof.
And he, like, vomits informationall over them.
Oh, wow, that was more than we needed to hear.
And we're good, thanks.
The info about the affair gets somehow miraculously
printed in the paper.
Hamilton is not a great dude.
I know you think he's great 'cause he's a war vet,
and he's the Treasury Secretary,
but you're gonna learn the truth real soon.
And Hamilton gets this and he goes to James Monroe,
[whispering] what the [bleep]?
Like, I told you that in secret.
And James Monroe's like,
it wasn't secret and it wasn't me.
Wasn't me who--who, uh, published it.
I told three people about this
and you're the one who was taking notes,
so I know it came from you.
[bleep] you. [bleep] you.
So Hamilton, over sharer,writes the Reynolds Pamphlet.
The whole thing reads likea Dear Penthouse letter.
Like, dear America,
I never thought this would happen to me.
But one day, this ripped bodice woman
showed up at my door, saying,
oh, my husband's beating me, left me alone
and I need money and I need help.
You are a man of honor. Can you help me?
Hamilton's like, I could give her money
or I could [bleep] her
and either one would be acceptable.
The--the Reynolds Pamphlet is like Dick 101.
And, by the way,he sent this to his friends.
Being like, hey, I think I'm gonna publish this.
And everyone was like,
hey, bro, I don't think this is a good idea
to publish this.
Like, maybe your wife and your seven children
would not love it if you published this.
And Hamilton's like, well, I mean, like,
I got accused of embezzling.
And, like, I can't let that stand.
Maybe the, like, marital infidelity trumps that?
I know it doesn't in your head,
but to everyone else in the world it does.
Um, and he's like, no, I can't let that shit stand.
And Hamilton goes back to James Monroe
and--and now Hamilton's like,
well, it's all out in the open.
um, and if you still wanna settle this,
because I know you're the one who leaked it.
Um, Monroe's like, well, I didn't leak it,
but if you wanna, like, fight, like, let's do this.