Where were we, where were we?Oh, yes, yes,
Mr. Surprise Gynecologist.Okay, so, last night
he debated Hillary Clintonfor the second time.
Now, this debate wasa town hall format
where undecided votersgot to ask questions.
And I'm not gonna front--it's weird that there's anyone
But some undecideds areespecially shocking.
There are 3.3 million Muslims
in the United States,and I'm one of them.
How will you help people like medeal with the consequences
of being labeledas a threat to the country
after the election is over?
How can a Muslim be undecided
between Hillary and Trump?
That's like a stonerhaving trouble deciding
between ordering pizzaor calling the cops.
-(whooping, applause)-How are you undecided?
And, Jesus, people,the debate itself,
like, you knewit was gonna be an ugly night
when Hillary and Donaldfirst walked out
and they refused to shake handsat the beginning.
I mean, damn,even boxers tap gloves.
But in Hillary's defense,I guess she didn't want to touch
his hand after hearingwhat he does with it.
And that makes a lot of sense.
And that, that was the mostpleasant part of the evening.
Because as soonas the debate started,
Trump and Hillarywent straight to war.
The thing thatyou should be apologizing for
are the 33,000 e-mailsthat you deleted
(sniffs)and that you acid-washed.
And I hate to say it,(sniffs)
but if I win,I am going to instruct
my attorney general... (sniffs)to get a special prosecutor
to look into your situation.
Because there has never beenso many lies,
so much deception.
There has never beenanything like it.
And we're gonna havea special prosecutor.
You know, it is, uh...
it's just awfully goodthat someone
with the temperamentof Donald Trump
is not in chargeof the law in our country.
Yeah. Because you'd be in jail.
Guys, you realize Donald Trumpjust threatened
to put his opponent in jail.
I feel like a lot of peopleskipped over that.
Like, he threatened to puthis opponent in jail.
That is not funny.
They're trying to frame itas a joke,
but it's not somethingthat's funny.
I mean, unless he does itto Ted Cruz.
That (bleep) would be hilarious.
I'm not gonna try and...
It would be a little bit funny,you know?
Just like, "Yo, man,what are you in for?
"Well, I'll tell you you, asa constitutional conservative,
my rights and my freedomsand my beliefs..."
He's like, "Hey, man,I just kill people!
I don't deserve this (bleep),man!"
But the truth is,it's not funny.
Shouldn't happen to anyone.
In fact,watching Trump yesterday
reminded me of something.
Uh, you know, a year ago when Ifirst started hosting this show
and I still had that freshbanana smell on me,
which isn't racist, that's justhow I travel across the ocean.
Uh, I mentioned,I mentioned a year ago
that Trump reminded meof an African dictator.
And last night reminded meof why I said that.
Because jailing your opponent
is straight out of theAfrican dictator playbook.
TV REPORTER: In the southern African nation of Zimbabwe,
government security forces arrested and severely beat up
the leader of the main opposition movement,
54 year-old Morgan Tsvangirai.
Ayman Nour finished a distant second to President Mubarak,
but the regime felt threatened by his popularity,
so they threw him in jail for three years.
The more you look at it, folks,
it seems Donald Trump has stolenall the worst parts of Africa.
He thinks likean African dictator.
He scams moneylike a Nigerian prince.
He threatens his opponentslike an Egyptian leader.
And he constantly spews (bleep)out of his mouth
-like he has Ebola.-(laughter)
Now, now, look.I'm gonna be honest.
It's impossible to coverwhat happened
the last few daysin one show,
so tomorrow on the show,
we'll continue delvinginto the debate,
and digging intosome of the nuance.
That's what we're goingto get into.
Unless there's another tape.
Who knows, maybe this timeTrump says (bleep).
Come on, "n" word!