we thought thisconvention would be chaos,
and we have notbeen disappointed.
Where do we even start?
Just in the first few hours,
hundredsof "Never Trump" delegates
made a raucous attemptto abort his nomination,
until the party bosses said,
"Uh, sorry, wrong trimester."
And, uh, the police in Clevelandcame out and said,
they don't feel safe.
Yeah, and maybe,it's because this is going on.
You know,that's a strange thing for me,
I never understandthe camouflage,
because, uh,if you're trying to blend in,
maybe start by losing theenormous assault rifles, people.
Let's start with that.
You don't need the camouflage.
And, and of course, last night
the Republicans put on a threehour prime time show called,
"Foreigners are Comingto Kill You."
But other than that,other than that,
everything is greathere in Cleveland.
And I'm not the only onewho feels this way,
because I'm joined by the best(bleep) news team in town,
covering the Clevelandconvention, people.
So let's get to it.
First up, Jordan Klepper,everybody.
Yes. Thank you.
Thank you.Thanks, Trevor.
Uh, things are going greatover here.
And, and as far as theRepublican's fear mongering,
I'm not buying it.
Yeah, that's great to hear.
J-Jordan, uh, just one question.
What's-what's in your hand?
Oh, uh, my blankie.
Yeah, it's, uh...
just drafty out here.
We're about to hand the countryover to a deranged,
narcissistic oompa loompa,
who bankrupts everythinghe touches.
And I definitely don't wantmy mommy right now.
Be a big boy, Jordy,be a big boy.
Stay strong, Jordan.
Let's go to Desi Lydic,everybody,
-on the street...-(cheers and applause)
Desi, do you shareJordan's concern over Trump?
Trevor, why would I worry thatDonald Trump is gonna kill us
in the futurewhen I'm gonna die today?
I don't understand, Desi. Whatare you... what are you talking
-about? -I'm in the middleof an angry political protest
in an open carry state.You don't know, Trevor.
I just saw a grandma open a canof Great Lakes with an AR-15.
You're not in this (bleep).
I-I feel for you, Desi.I feel for you.
Thank you.Uh, Hasan Minhaj is joining us.
He's on the convention floor.Hasan Minhaj, everybody.
-How's it going, Hasan?-(cheering and applause)
I'm sorry, Trevor,my name is Chad Smith.
I don't knowwho this "Hasan" is,
but he soundsa little too Muslim
to be safeat a Trump convention.
(chuckles)You know what I mean, Trevor?
I love NASCAR.
You put on whiteface?
You mean my naturally fairand lovely complexion
that I gotfrom my real-life parents Bryce
and I want to say... Leslie?
-Get the (bleep) out of here,Chad! -All lives matter!
All right, let's goto Ronny Chieng, everybody,
also at the Quicken.Um, Ronny, you...
Oh... Ronny, Jesus,what's going on?
Hey, you can't be too safe,okay, Trevor?
You heard them last night--an immigrant is going to kill me
and then they're gonna killmy family.
Ronny, you're an immigrant.
Yeah, well, so are you!
Wait, you're gonna killmy family?
What? Well, maybe you're gonnakill my family!
-Why you want to kill my family,Trevor? -Why do you want to kill
-my... You're the immigrant.-Don't kill my family!
-It's not nice to kill families.-You're the one
who's trying to kill my family.
-No, you want to kill my f...-You know what, you know what,
let's just... let's just goto Roy Wood Jr.
Let's go to Roy Wood Jr., who'sinside the convention right now.
Yes. Hey, Trevor.
That's right.I'm reporting to you live
from insidethe Quicken Loans Arena.
It's so white in here,I feel like I'm inside
-a tub of cream cheese.-Well, uh, Roy,
not only is it white, there'salso been a lot of tension.
You can't be feeling safeout there.
Trevor, they love me.
Republicans never do goodwith black people.
Right here in the state of Ohio,Trump polled
at zero percentwith black people.
Well, look, that is...that is true.
In a Wall Street Journal postlast week,
Trump literally had zero percentof black votes in Ohio.
But that... I mean,there's a margin of error
of three percent.So he could be up by three.
Although he could also benegative three black...
But, whatever, that's notthe point. Either way,
you're in the RNC.What do you plan to do now?
Man, I'm about to have the timeof my life.
Everybody wants me to betheir black friend.
I had to start a waiting list.I been invited to five weddings,
two bar mitzvahs,and a yacht race.
I think I'm-a getin the Illuminati, too.
Look at all these coolwhite people I met today.
How much does Trump loveblack people?
-He loves 'em.-He loves black people.
How good is Donald Trumpfor black people?
I've got to say, you've seensome black people here
at the convention, right?
I don't pay attention to that.I really don't.
Yeah, we're here at theRepublican National Convention,
-and there is... -The onlyblack folks you'll see...
I'm gonna need you to workthe west side of the arena
and then I'll work the east sideof the arena,
and that waypeople won't confuse us.
Well, they won't confuse us,'cause you see how I'm dressed.
Black guy at RNC.
I'll be your black friend.
I'll beyour black friend.
As you can see,I'm having a blast in Cleveland.
I'm making tons of friends.
Yeah. You-you knowthey're all...
They just thinkyou're Steve Harvey, right?
-Let's play the Feud.-Thanks, Roy!
And thanks to the best (bleep)news team, everybody!