Now, we've been talkingabout American politics,
and sometimes it's really weird,
you know, even when it doesn'tinvolve Ted Cruz's face.
-(laughter)-Um... here's an example.
Right now, only men have toregister for the military draft.
Like, women don't.
The draft is basically likethe world's worst nightclub.
You know, there's no women,you can't leave,
and there's definitely goingto be a fight.
But recently, a congressmannamed Duncan Hunter
introduced a billthat would force women
to register for the draft.
Now the interesting thing is,
he didn't actually want womenin the draft.
He just heard people debatingabout it, and he wanted to prove
that no one would actually voteon a bill
to make it happen,so he introduced that bill.
Which, can we take a secondto acknowledge, is ludicrous.
Like, there's no...
Do voters know thattheir representatives
spend timeon this frivolous (bleep)?
Like, there are politiciansout there, campaigning,
they're like,"I'm going to Washington
to proposesarcastic legislation."
And people are like,"Are you being sarcastic now?"
"No. I'm gonna actuallyhelp you... idiots."
Like... there's real peopledoing it.
And here's the weirdest thingabout it.
This fake bill that DuncanHunter proposed sarcastically,
it actually passed.
NEWSMAN: What Hunter found out is that many of his colleagues
in the House Armed Services Committee
thought that requiring women to register for the draft
is actually a good idea.
While you may be offering thisas a "gotcha" amendment,
I would suggest that,um, there's great merit
in recognizing that each of ushave an obligation
to be willingto serve our country...
in time of war.
The HouseArmed Services Committee
backed Congressman Duncan Hunter's amendment
by a 32-to-30 vote.
I love this.
They called his bluff so hard.
Can you imagineif this is actually how women
end up getting drafted?
'Cause we'll never rememberthat it started this way, right?
It makes me wonder how manythings in American history
we don't rememberthe details of.
Like maybe with Abraham Lincoln,we don't know the full story.
Maybe he wasbeing sarcastic. You know?
Maybe someone was like,"Hey, Abe,
you should treatyour slaves better,"
and he was like, "Ha! Why don'twe just set them all free!"
"That's a great idea!"
"Yeah, I guess."
But look, I understandthat a lot of Americans
are uneasy with the ideaof women serving in combat,
because American soldiersare expected to adhere
to grueling physical standards.
You have to runthousands of miles,
you have to be ableto scale walls
and hold your buddy's headin your lap
while you scream, "No...!"
There's so muchthat goes into it.
And let's be honest; in general,men are stronger than women.
You know? That's not sexist,it's just true.
If anyone is sexist,it's nature. Yeah.
Nature's the onewho was handing stuff out,
and was like, "Okay, men,you get the big muscles,
"and you'll orgasmevery time you have sex.
"Hell, sometimes you'lleven orgasm just by accident.
"That's how easyit's gonna be for you.
"Uh, for the ladies, you getto push an entire human being
"out of your vagina.
-Have a good day."-(laughter)
even if men aregenerally stronger than women,
there are still plenty of women
who are physicallyup to the task of combat.
And there's no reason whythey shouldn't be able to fight.
I mean,if you asked me to choose
between Ronda Rouseyor Sheldon from Big Bang
to fight for me,I would be like, "Mmm,
"I choose-- oh, wait, she'salready ripped him in half.
"Oh, look at that.Oh, he's already...
he's already gone."
An argument that I don't get
is that womenshouldn't be in combat
because it's somehowtoo hard on the men?
Bringing womeninto combat troops
is inevitably gonna changeunit cohesiveness,
because sex is inevitable.
If you introduce a womeninto it,
you just introduceextraneous things,
such as sexual attraction...
All these 20-year-oldsand they have wives at home
and they're there and there'ssome beautiful soldier with them
in the pup tent, whatdo they expect's gonna happen?
-(laughter) -No, whatdo you think is gonna happen?
You think peopleare gonna be flirting
in the middle of a war?
Guys are shooting...(imitates automatic gunfire)
They're everywhere!Give me some fire!
So, uh,you come around here often?
Yeah? I haven't...haven't seen you before.
Give me some...!
Here's the real point.It doesn't matter
whether anyone thinks women should serve in combat,
because there already are womenalready serving in combat.
Especially in other countriesin the world, like Israel,
And American soldiershave been fighting and dying
in "unofficial" combat rolesin Iraq and Afghanistan.
Not to mention, uh,if you want to get rid of ISIS,
women might actually beour best bet.
ISIS are actually afraidof women fighters,
that they actually would runaway from the women fighters,
because they believe thatif they get killed by a woman,
they won't go to Heaven.
I love that idea.
I... I don't knowif it's completely true,
but I love the ideaof ISIS dudes in trucks
just being like,"Today we fight for jihad
"and the glory of...Oh, no! Girls! Girls! Girls!
Run away! Run away!"