Roast Battle II - Jay Light vs. Frank Castillo

Roast Battle II: Night One - Uncensored Season 2, Ep 5 01/26/2017 Views: 5,604

Frank Castillo is sure that no one wants to hear about Windows 95 from his former roommate Jay Light. (5:13)

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Let's Roast!

- Frank turned downa college scholarship

'cause where he's from,

every full ride gets busted upby the Border Patrol.

- [laughs]audience: Ooh.

- Jay looks likehe's really excited

to tell us aboutthe new features of Windows '95.

[cheers, laughter, and applause]

- Thank you, Fozzie Bearwith alopecia.

- [chuckles]You're welcome, Prick Moranis.


- No problem, Pitbull goingthrough a midlife crisis.


- Frank's a huge fanof the Raiders.


That's right, guys,this chunky Mexican's

really living Velveeta loca.

[laughter] [gun clicks]

- Jay's girlfriend wearsthe pants in the relationship

because Jay wears capris.

audience: Oh!

- When Frank's cousin diedof an overdose,

Frank became addictedto video games.

It's just too bad

you couldn't give himone of those extra lives.

- [laughs]

Oh, my God.

Jay, why are your lips so big?

Are they irritated

from constantly shushingblack people?

- Ooh.

[audience roars]

[hip-hop music playing]

[cheers, laughter, and applause]

[air horn blowing]

- Uh, Frank...

- Last joke.


- Frank, you're just jealous'cause with these lips,

you know I'd suck dickbetter than your girlfriend.

- Oh!

[bombs exploding]

both: Oh!- Shit!

- What the [bleep]?[laughter]

- Whenever Jaytakes his shirt off,

women go,"Oh, my God,

that breast cancer survivoris so brave.

[scattered cheers and applause]

Those are mine.

[bell dinging] - Hey, that's it, everybody.

That's the roun--first round.

This is Jay.This is Frank.

They used to live together.

[bell dinging] [laughs]

Jeff, what'd you thinkabout this one?

- It's like the battle of,uh, Brad Pitt's real kid

against his adopted kidor something.


Frank, is your mom here tonight?- Yes, she is.

- Where is sh--oh, right here?

- Hey!

[cheers and applause]

- She's a big Snoop Dogg fan,so watch out.

- Oh, yeah!

- Very, very close battle.Frank, I don't know if you won,

but your mom's definitelygetting some dick tonight.

I know that.

- Black dick matters!

Black dick matters!- Oh, my God.

all: [chanting]Black dick matters!

- Thank you, everybody,

- Snoop, what do you thinkabout these two guys?

- Well, um, I wasthoroughly entertained.

For them to be door guys,they was actually funny, man.

I mean, I--I really thoughty'all was real funny, man,

but, um, in my eyes,you know--

Mother, can you look at meone time, Mother?

- Oh, so into this.

[cheers and applause]

- I pick the winner right there.


Baby want ba-ba.

Well, I think that you guysare gonna be great doormen

for the next...[laughter]

Ten years.I'm looking forward

to one of you [bleep]parking my car for me.


- I'll definitely park your carwhen you come visit my mom.

[laughter]audience: Oh!

- Oh, wow.- Frank's the only valet

who has to have his momdrive him home from the show.


You gonna pick somebody, Snoop?You gotta pick somebody.

- I gotta pick somebody?- Yeah.

- This is it, bud.

- I guess I'ma gowith the Latino.

- Oh!- Frank...

[cheers and applause]

One vote for Frank.Interesting.

What do you got,Anthony Jeselnik?

You're a roasting expert.Give these guys some knowledge.

- Yeah, I've known both you guys

for about the better partof a year from The Comedy Store,

and this is the first timeI'm actually

learning your names.Um...


- Frank, Jay.

- Sometimes when twogood friends roast each other

it's, like,an amazing "Roast Battle."

This was not one of those times.


I thought you both had,like, one great joke.

Like, uh, you're"extra life" joke

about your cousinwas really funny,

and the 'shushingblack people" joke,

we've all had to deal with that.Um...


I thought that was really great.

- It really was.- I think--

I think it was very even.

I'm gonna go with Jay.- Ooh.

- Even though I thinkit's a toss-up.

It's a toss-up,but I'm gonna give it to Jay.

- Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

- [laughs]

- I'll say this,Jay Light,

you're one of the best battlersin Los Angeles.

You're always consistent,

but tonight,I think Frank nudged you out.

He was a crowd favorite tonight.- Whoa!

- Frank Castillo,congratulations.

[cheers and applause]

- This one's for Los Angeles

and for Frank Castillo!

[cheers and applause]Hug each other.