let's beginwith where we have to begin.
You know, mostly I don't think
that Donald Trump should bepresident of anything, really.
But there are times whenit seems like it could be fun.
Like todayduring his major scripted speech
to outlinehis economic policies.
Our lower business taxwill also end
job-killing corporate inversions
and cause trillionsin new dollars and wealth
to come pouringinto our country.
And by the way,
into tittieslike right here in Detroit.
(laughter and groaning)
There are so many thingsthat make that clip funny.
Like, now, obviously the factthat he said "titties."
-(laughter)-Let's start with that.
I mean, the man was in Detroit,so he basically planned
to turn the Motor Cityinto Motor Boat City.
Now, what also makes it funny isthe fact
that he points for no reason.
-Why is he pointing?-(laughter)
Like, what is he doing?
And what makes it the funniestis that now
everyone is talkingabout the fact
that Donald Trump said "titties"
instead of focusing onhow his economic policy is going
to bankrupt Americawith tax cuts for the rich
and tons of new debt.
-Oh. Titties. Ah.-(laughter)
All right, now we've beenoff the air for a week,
and in that time,Cinnamon Hitler--
he's been really busy, people.
He's insulted a grievingmilitary family.
He basically saidAmerica should be more cavalier
in using their nuclear weapons.
Oh, and he got into a fightwith a baby,
which is a real thing.
He fought with a baby, anda baby got taken out of his...
Like, and now, this is where asa comedian, I have to complain,
because we would have had thatas an escalation in a joke.
We would have gone, "Trump didthis, then he did this,
and then a baby,he got into a fight with."
-But he did this for real,and that's not fair. -(laughter)
Because as comedians,
he's not even leaving usany room to make things up.
I hear that baby crying.I like it.
-(applause and cheering)-I like it.
-What a baby.-(applause and cheering)
What a beautiful baby.
Don't worry. Don't worry.
Actually, I was only kidding.
You can get the babyout of here.
(audience of Daily Show groaning)
That's all right.
I-I think she really believed me
that I love having a baby cryingwhile I'm speaking.
Oh, look on the bright side,though, people.
Donald Trump is finally pickingon someone his own hand size.
Now... with all the hullabaloo
in and around Trumpand his shenanigans,
sometimes it's hard to focuson one thing, you know?
Because by the timewe're done talking about it,
Trump has done somethingeven crazier.
But even with allthe babies and titties,
there's one thingDonald Trump said last week
that we should not be glossing over.
I'm telling you, November 8we better be careful,
because that election'sgonna be rigged.
And I hope the Republicansare watching closely,
or it's gonna betaken away from us.
I'm afraid the election's gonnabe rigged, I have to be honest.
I hear more and morethat the election on N...
November 8-- can you believewe're almost there?
Okay, hold on a second.
Donald Trump stipulatestwo things here--
the elections are on November 8,
and thatthey're gonna be rigged--
and yet the part that shocks himis the November 8 part?
That's the thingthat he's shocked by?
Well, can you believe it, folks?November 8, it's already here.
Wow. Ha-ha-ha. Ah, I can'tbelieve I made it this far.
Am I right? I thoughtit was just gonna be a prank.
I'd come down the escalator,I'd say "rapist,"
they'd tell me to go home, ha,but now I'm here. I can't...
(chuckles)Wow, but the passage of time,
that is shocking me--I can't believe it.
Now, Trump didn't provideany specifics
to back his outlandish claims.
Which is usual for him.It's usual.
But luckily,there are credible news sources
that have investigated,and they, too,
have cometo the same conclusion.
Donald Trump last nightright here on this program
said that he thinksthe Democrats
will rig the electionin November.
I have some evidencehe could be right.
Here's an interesting statistic.
The Philly Inquirer, one weekafter the 2012 election,
pointed out thatin 59 separate precincts
in inner city Philadelphia,
that Mitt Romneydid not get a single vote.
-(laughter)-What?! So you're saying
that predominantly poor,black neighborhoods
didn't vote forthe rich white guy? What?!
Oh, you-you know what elsethere isn't a single one of
in inner city Philadelphia?
A Sting solo album?
Yeah, that's something elseyou won't find.
But I don't think Stingis worried about "album fraud."
Yeah. Although...although, I will say this.
If there isone brother out there
kicking it to "Fields of Gold,"props to that guy.
♪ You'll forget the sun
♪ In his jealous sky
♪ As we walkin fields of gold... ♪
-(laughter)-So, uh, where were we?
Oh, yeah. Donald Trump.
Donald Trump says the U.S.elections are gonna be rigged.
And you know what?
I know like most thingsDonald says, it sounds crazy,
but still, the man is a presidential candidate,
the same way this is a news show, so...
-(laughter)-as a news show,
we had to investigatethe claims.
And it turns out they're true.
Donald Trump is right.
We've uncovered evidenceof election rigging
throughout the system.
For instance, there issomething I discovered--
it's called gerrymandering.
And I can tell from your silencethat you are shocked.
-(laughter)-And you should be.
NEWSMAN: The practice of redrawing maps
to find friendly voters has been known as gerrymandering.
In both parties, there arecongressional districts
that are set up by the statesto keep the parties in power.
When Republicans won the majority of state houses
in 2010, it ensured they'd be redrawing the maps
in those states.
And lo and behold, it paid off in 2012.
Nationwide, Democrats running for congress
got 1.1 million more votes,
but Republicans sent 33 more members to the house.
Yeah. And you can seethat that's suspicious,
'cause look at those red figuresas they walk in.
Yeah. They look like theyjust got away with something.
That's the walk you do whensomeone just (bleep) in the pool
-and you know it's you.-(laughter)
You just try to walk away.
Because, you see,thanks to gerrymandering,
instead of voters choosingtheir politicians,
the politicians in Americaget to choose their voters.
And they're noteven subtle about it.
For instance, to preservea majority Hispanic district,
Illinois Democratscarved out a district
inside another district.
That-that green districtinside the...
How can you have a districtin... it's like turducken.
It's like a...you've got the red distr...
It looks like someone beatthe (bleep) out of Pac-Man,
what is that other district?
And-and I won't lie, the moretime I spend in America,
the more I appreciateAfrica's simplicity.
Because in Africa,they still have the decency
to call corruption, corruption.
That's what this is.
The more you look at it,the more you see
that Donald Trump is right.
Elections in America are rigged.
Here's another example.
Last Friday, a federal court
ruled that North Carolina'snew voting laws had
intentionally been designed todiscriminate against minorities
saying, "These new provisions target African-Americans
with almost surgical precision."
That is...this (bleep) is insane.
The court of appeals foundthat in North Carolina,
Republican lawmakers didn'taccidentally discriminate
against black people,they did it on purpose
to limit the black vote.
For instance, they figured outwhich types of IDs black people
were less likely to have,and then they made those
mandatory for voting becausethey knew white people were
more likely to have those IDs,
like drivers licensesor Panera gift cards.
They also found, they also foundout that black people were
more likely to use early voting,so they restricted it,
which-which in my opinionis probably the worst
of these laws.
The one time black peopleshow up early,
the one timeblack people show up early,
and white peopleliterally outlaw it.
After this, you can't blamepeople for coming late anymore,
I'll tell you that now.
Every black person hasa right to be like,
"Yo, when's the vote, Tuesday?
I'll see you assholeson Wednesday afternoon."
Now I know some people mightsay, hey, we need these laws
to prevent voter fraud but voterfraud isn't actually a problem.
Take Texas for example.
In the decade before the statepassed its voter ID law in 2011,
there were 20 millionvotes cast.
And of those, two convictionsfor in-person voter fraud.
More people havebeen Trump's wife.
So, these laws aren't reallydesigned to stop voter fraud.
They're designedto rig elections,
and it's everywhere you look.
For instance, in statesincluding Florida, Virginia,
and Iowa, three crucialpresidential swing states,
and the top three placesto visit in America,
even after ex-cons have servedtheir time for a felony,
they don't ever get backthe right to vote,
which makes zero sense.
Because if you don't trustex-cons, why wouldn't you
give them anything to doon the one day everyone else is
out of the housewaiting in long lines?
And look, I... I knowthat this systemic level
of election rigging must comeas a shock to Americans.
I know that.
Because had Americans known,surely, the world's greatest
democracy would have donesomething about it by now.
And luckily, there is someonewho has seen something
and is saying something.
And that man is Donald Trump.
And you know what I admireabout Donald Trump,
is that he would never standfor a rigged system.
And we learned that about himafter he won in the primaries.
You've been hearing me sayit's a rigged system,
but now I don't say it any morebecause I won, okay.
You know,now I don't care.
I don't care.