>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.
THANKS SO MUCH.
NATION, IF YOU'RE A LONGTIMEVIEWER OF THIS SHOW, YOU KNOW
THAT BILL O'REILLY AND I HAVE AMUTUAL APPRECIATION SOCIETY.
I ADMIRE BILL, AND SO DOES HE.
( LAUGHTER )AND PAPA BEAR HAS BEEN ON A HOT
STREAK LATELY.
LAST WEEK I PRAISED HIM FORTAKING ON THE FAR LEFT'S
OBSESSION WITH EQUALITY.
THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING OFBILL'S UNIFIED THEORY OF WHY
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO HELL.
>> THE GRIEVANCE INDUSTRYBASICALLY SAYS AMERICA IS NOT A
FAIR NATION, THAT THE DECK ISSTACKED AGAINST MINORITY, WOMEN,
THE POOR, GAYS, ATHEISTS,MUSLIMS-- YOU NAME IT. AND
THE BAD GUYS ARE WHITE MALES,THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
AND ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T BUY INTOTHE GRIEVANCE INDUSTRY.
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU MAY NOTHAVE HEARD OF THE GRIEVANCE
INDUSTRY, BUT THEY ARE HUGE.
( LAUGHTER )THEY'RE THE ONES WHO MANUFACTURE
THE NATION'S COMPLAINT BOXES,THOSE PEEING CALVINS, AND YAHOO!
COMMENTS.
SO JUST WHEN DID THE GRIEVANCEINDUSTRIAL COMPLEX BEGIN?
>> BACK IN THE LATE 1960s, THEVIETNAM WAR CAUSED A HUGE
DIVISION IN AMERICA.
MILLIONS OF YOUNG PEOPLE DECIDEDTHEIR COUNTRY WAS WRONG FOR
FIGHTING THE WAR IN SOUTHEASTASIA, SO THEY LAUNCHED MASSIVE
DEMONSTRATIONS ALL ACROSS THEU.S.A., AND BUILT UP A CULTURE
BUILT ON ANTIAUTHORITY-- THATIS, THE MAN WHO HAD POWER WAS
BAD.
TO GO ALONG WITH THE POLITICALSTRIFE, THE YOUTH CULTURE
EMBRACED SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK'N' ROLL, CHANGE THE COUNTRY
FROM TRADITIONAL ATTITUDES TO"IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT."
>> Stephen: YEAH, MAN, LET'SDEFY AUTHORITY AND NOT GO TO
VIETNAM.
BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD NOT TO DIEIN A RICE PADDY.
FAR OUT, DADDYIO, KEEP ONTRUCKING.
SOCK IT TO ME.
GET A JOB.
CUT YOUR HAIR!
YOU SEE, BILL AND I KNOW IT WASCRUCIAL TO FIGHT THAT WAR.
CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAVEHAPPENED TO AMERICA IF WE HADN'T
GONE TO WAR IN VIETNAM?
THAT MEANS NO FORREST GUMP, AND,THEREFORE, NO BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP
SHACK MAC AND CHEESE, AND I'MSORRY, BUT THAT'S NOT AN AMERICA
I WANT TO LIVE IN.
( LAUGHTER )FOLKS THIS CULTURE OF GRIEVANCE
LIVES ON TODAY.
I MEAN, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FORGRIEVANCE, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN
BILL'S LATEST.
>> RECENTLY, COLBERT MOCKED MEON THE SUBJECT OF INEQUALITY.
ONLY ABOUT 1 MILLION PEOPLEWATCH HIS LATE-NIGHT PROGRAM AT
11:30 BUT HE IS THE DARLING OFTHE FAR LEFT INTERNET WHEN
RHAPSODIZES OVER HIM.
>> Stephen: BILL'S RIGHT--( BOOING ).
>> Stephen: I KNOW,FOLKS I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT BUT
FOR SOME REASON THE FAR LEFTINTERNET LOVES ME.
I'M IN ALL THE HASH TAGS.
FOLKS, IF I THOUGHT-->> STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
STEVEEB!
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW YOUPEOPLE ARE THE BLOOD IN MY
VEINS, RIGHT?
FOLKS, IF I THOUGHT-- IF ITHOUGHT FOR EVEN ONE SECOND
SOMETHING I SAID HURT PAPABEAR'S FEELINGS, I, TOO, AM
HURT, AND TO BE HONEST, A LITTLETURNED ON.
( LAUGHTER )NOT THAT BILL WOULD BELIEVE ME.
>> AH, BUT MR. COLBERT IS ADECEIVER.
I STRONGLY BELIEVE IN FIGHTINGFOR EQUALITY, AND ALSO BELIEVE
INSTITUTIONAL BIAS SHOULD BEAGAINST THE LAW.
WHAT I OPPOSE IS GOVERNMENTTRYING TO IMPOSE EQUALITY
BECAUSE EVERY HUMAN BEING ISDIFFERENT.
>> Stephen: BILL, YOU'VE GOTME ALL WRONG.
I AGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE WORDYOU'RE SAYING, EVEN IF THOSE
WORDS DON'T AGREE WITH EACH OTHER
( LAUGHTER )YOU SEE, I ALSO BELIEVE
INSTITUTIONAL BIAS SHOULD BEAGAINST THE LAW, AND AT THE SAME
TIME, BELIEVE THAT GOVERNMENTSSHOULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
THAT LEAVES, AH-- MAYBE AVOLUNTARY MAKE AI LAW, TAKE AI
LAW TRAY, OR ROAMING GANGS OFVIGILANTE CANNIBAL EQUALITY
BIKERS. OR WE COULD GIVE BILL O'REILLY A HAT
AND BADGE AND LET HIM WANDER THELAND TELLING PINHEADS TO KNOCK
IT OFF, BING, BING, BING.
>> BING, BING, BING.
BING, BING, BING.
BING, BING, BING.
BING, BING, BING.
BING, BING, BING.
>> Stephen: I COULDN'T HAVESAID IT BETTER MYSELF.