- HOW WAS WORK TODAY, CHARLES?
- OH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD.
ACCOUNTING'S COMPLAINING ABOUTUS MISLEADING THE STOCKHOLDERS
AND BLOWINGTHE EMPLOYEE PENSIONS AND--
WHAT A BUNCH OF BABIES.
I MEAN, COME ON, THIS ISBUSINESS, PEOPLE, RIGHT?
AND SPEAKING OF BUSINESS, YEAH?
[growls]
SATCHCO, TAKE A POWDER.
AND YOU.
- [screams]
- [growls]- [meows]
- SNUGGLE BUNNY!
- [laughs]
- GET ON THE GROUND!
- [screaming]
[dog panting]
- SHUT THATFUCKING DOG UP!
[gunshot]
GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!
STOP RESISTING, SIR!
[phone ringing]
- NIGGA, I SAID STOPCALLING HERE, ALL RIGHT?
I'M BAGGING UP THE COKE UPAS FAST AS I CAN!
- I'M DETECTIVECHARLES STEVENS
FROM THE DADE COUNTYPOLICE DEPARTMENT.
I'VE GOT A WARRANT HEREFOR YOUR ARREST.
- A WARRANT?
- CHARGE IS COCAINE TRAFFICKING,
AND, UM, FRANKLY,
I'M AFRAID I DON'T KNOWHOW TO HANDLE IT.
- OH, MAN, WE GOT TOBE CAREFUL WITH THIS.
WE DON'T WANT TO EMBARRASSSOMEBODY LIKE ME
IN FRONT OF MY FAMILYAND MY COMMUNITY.
I TELL YOU WHAT,
I'LL COME IN AND TURN MYSELF INAROUND THURSDAY, OKAY?
- IS 1:00 GOOD FOR YOU?
- OH, NO,THAT'S NO GOOD FOR ME.
I'VE GOT SOME TRIMCOMING AT 12:00.
I'LL TURN MYSELF IN,SAY, BETWEEN
2:00 AND 6:00?
- THANK YOU SO VERY MUCHFOR YOUR HELP AND, AGAIN,
I'M SORRY FORTHE INCONVENIENCE.
- OH, NO PROBLEM.
ONE LOVE.
- UH, YEAH.I LOVE YOU TOO.
- SO WHAT AM ICHARGED WITH?
- YEAH, LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW,YOU LITTLE BITCH.
- [coughing]
COULD YOU DO MEA FAVOR AND NOT SMOKE?
I'M ALLERGIC.
- OH, HEY,I'M SORRY, CHUCK.
WHY DON'T I DO YOU A FAVOR ANDPUT IT OUT THERE FOR YOU, HUH?
- [screaming]
- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,YOU PIECE OF CRAP!
I WANT ANSWERS, PUNK!
- [whimpers]
I WANT TO TALKTO MY LAWYER!
- HE WANTS TO TALKTO HIS LAWYER.
- LEGAL AID, YOU'RE ON.
- SORRY, YOU'RE, LIKE,MY 14TH CASE THIS WEEK.
SOMEBODY TAKE A PISS IN HERE?
- IT WAS ME!
I PEED.
[timid elevator music]
[timid elevator music]
- I WOULD LIKETO COMPLIMENT YOU GENTLEMEN
ON A VERY CLASSY,BALLER-ASS SPREAD
WITH CHEESES THAT I'VENEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE.
AND MY APOLOGIESFOR BEING LATE,
BUT I GOT CAUGHT UPWITH SOME POONANY.
[laughs]
- WELL, SO,IT'S LIKE I SAID,
WE DON'T WANT TO MAKEA BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS THING.
YOU'RE A COCAINE DEALER,
BUT YOU'VE DONE A LOTOF GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY.
- OH, I KNOW, MAN.
ON THANKSGIVING,I BE PASSING TURKEYS OUT
LIKE NINO BROWN, BABY.
- BUT, SERIOUSLY,WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
HOW ABOUT YOU TESTIFYBEFORE A SENATE COMMITTEE
AND SPEND
TWO MONTHS AT CLUB FED?
- WHEN I GET OUT,
CAN I STILL TRAFFIC ROCKSTO THE COMMUNITY?
- ABSOLUTELY NOT!
- YOU'RE RIGHT.SELLING ROCKS WOULD BE WRONG.
[laughs]
JAIL'S THE SHIT!
- ANYWAY,HE POINTS THE GUN AT US,
AND HE TELLS HIS DOGTO SIC US.
IT WAS AT THAT POINTTHAT I FIRED UPON THE CANINE
AND WE WERE ABLETO SUBDUE MR. JEFFRIES.
UPON FURTHER SEARCHOF THE MANSION,
WE WERE ABLETO LOCATE THIS:
PURE COLOMBIAN HEROIN.
- YEAH, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOUR HONOR,
I DON'T KNOWWHO'S HEROIN THAT IS,
BUT IT CERTAINLYISN'T MINE.
- THEN HIS WIFE THREWHER TITTIES IN MY HAND.
IT WAS WEIRD, YOUR HONOR.
- YOU GRABBEDHER TITTIES!
I SAW YOU!
- BEFORE I SENTENCE YOU,
IS THERE ANYTHINGYOU'D LIKE TO SAY?
- OKAY, FIRST OF ALL--
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU'RE THE WORST KIND OF SCUM
ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
YOU'RE AN ANIMAL.
A FILTHY,BIG-LIPPED BEAST.
I'D LIKE TO CONGRATULATETHE JURY OF YOUR PEERS
FOR REACHINGA VERDICT SO QUICKLY.
TEN MINUTESIS A NEW COURT RECORD.
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS WILL BESEIZED IMMEDIATELY BY THE COURT,
AND YOU WILL RECEIVETHE MANDATORY MINIMUM
OF LIFE IN PRISON.
PLENTY OF TIME TO LIFT WEIGHTS
AND CONVERT TO ISLAM.
NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT,YOU FUCK.
- SIR, IS IT TRUE YOU WEREA CRACK COCAINE DEALER
FOR SEVEN YEARS?
- I PLEAD THE FIFTH.
- SIR, WILL YOU TELL US ABOUTTHE CARTELS YOU DEALT WITH
IN YOUR TIMEAS A CRACK COCAINE DEALER?
- UM, NO, BUT I CAN TELL YOU
THAT I PLEAD THE FIZZIFTH.
- EXACTLY HOW MUCH MONEYDID YOU EARN
IN YOUR TIMEAS A CRACK COCAINE DEALER?
- ♪ THERE
♪ ARE
♪ I SAID,THERE ARE ♪
♪ SO MANY AMENDMENTS
♪ IN THE CONSTITUTION
♪ OF THE UNITED STATESOF AMERICA ♪
♪ I CAN ONLY CHOOSE ONE
[glass whistling]
♪ I CAN ONLY CHOOSE
♪ ONE
♪ I PLEAD THE FIFTH
♪ I PLEADTHE FIFTH ♪
♪ FIVE
♪ ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,FIFTH ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU SAY,FIFTH ♪
♪ GO AHEAD,ASK ME A QUESTION ♪
- DID YOU--
- ♪ FIFTH
SIR, I HAVE A SECRET DOCUMENTTHAT I THINK YOU NEED TO SEE.
♪ FIFTH
- THAT WILL BE ALL, SIR.GOOD AFTERNOON.
- I GOT YOUR SENTENCEREDUCED TO A MONTH, BUDDY.
- OH!
[laughs]