>> WELCOME BACK.

WELCOME BACK.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S VERY RARE THAT I FEEL LIKEWE COIN A PHRASE ON THIS

PROGRAM, BUT IF BRING ME MYSMELLING TURDS DOESN'T CATCH ON,

I'M JUST, I'M JUST GOING TO BESAD.

THAT'S ALL.

BUT WELCOME BACK.

AS AMERICANS IT'S, OF COURSE,OUR DUTY TO TAKE SIDES IN EVERY

CONFLICT.

BUT SOMETIMES THE CHOICE IS VERYDIFFICULT.

HOUSE REPUBLICANS VERSUS THEI.R.S.

I DON'T KNOW.

ALEC BALDWIN VERSUS PAPARAZZI.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE.

PAULA DEEN VERSUS DIABETES.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

WHO DO YOU CHOOSE?

AND NOW ANOTHER BATTLE LOOMS.

>> WE'RE GOING TO BEGIN THISHALF HOUR WITH THAT SHOWDOWN

BETWEEN TWO POWERFUL MEN, DONALDTRUMP AND CHICAGO MAYOR RAHM

EMANUEL.

>> OH, IT'S A BADGER FIGHTING AMONGOOSE.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHO TO CHEERFOR.

GET ME MY SMELLING TURDS.

>> THE STAKES: FIVE 20-FOOT HIGHSTAINLESS STEEL LETTERS SPELLING

OUT TRUMP'S NAME ON HIS 96-STORYCONDO AND HOTEL TOWER.

AT NIGHT IT GLOWS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: DONALD TRUMP NEEDS A

P.

I GUESS, I GUESS THAT'S NOT THEPROBLEM, IS IT?

>> I THINK THE SIGN SCARS THATARCHITECTURE, ARCHITECTURE

BEAUTY AND TASTE WITHA TASTELESS SIGN.

>> CHICAGO MAYOR RAHM EMANUELHAS ASKED HIS STAFF TO SEE IF

THERE MIGHT BE A WAY TO REMOVEOR AT LEAST SHRINK IT.

>> Jon: RAHM, I'M PRETTY SURETHAT IS THE SMALL SIZE.

YOU DON'T WANT KNOW WHAT THELARGE TRUMP SIGN LOOKS LIKE.

YEAH.

NO SURPRISE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

YOU MENTION DONALD TRUMP'S NAME,HE APPEARS ON YOUR TELEVISION.

HE'S LIKE BEETLEJUICE, BUT YOUONLY HAVE TO SAY TRUMP'S NAME

ONCE, AND THERE'S NO WAY TO MAKEHIM GO AWAY.

>> IT'S A VERY HIGH-QUALITY,VERY BEAUTIFUL SIGN THAT I THINK

ENHANCES THE BUILDING GREATLY.

IT'S A VERY HIGH-LEVEL SIGN.

IT'S DONE IN THE HIGHEST LEVELOF TASTE.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, YOU TELLRAHM, "I COULD HAVE PUT TITS ON

THE SIGN. I DID NOT. ICOULD HAVE PUT A GIRL

IN A VIKING HELMET ON THE SIGN.I DIDN'T, CAUSE IT'S

CLASSY.

THE FONT, THE WHOLE THING,CLASSY."

[LAUGHTER]YOU KNOW WHAT, DONALD, IT'S A

SIGN.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THE BESTSIGN EVER.

IT JUST HAS TO IDENTIFY YOU ASTHE OWNER OF THE BUILDING, SO I

GUESS YOUR ROOMMATE DOESN'T EATIT, BUT LOOK, I'M NOT AN

ARCHITECTURE CRITIC.

>> BLAIR KAMIN, THE "CHICAGOTRIBUNE'S" PULITZER PRIZE

WINNING ARCHITECTURAL CRITIC ISLEADING THE CHARGE AGAINST THE

SIGN. YOU'VE CALLEDTHIS SIGN A WART.

>> YES, A WART IS PUTTING ITPOLITELY I THINK.

>> Jon: WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'REPUTTING IT POLITELY BECAUSE NOW

CHICAGO ARCHITECTURE CRITIC JUSTDOING YOUR JOB, YOU HAVE ENTERED

THE TRUMP-A-GON.

>> THIS WAS STARTED BY ATHIRD-RATE ARCHITECTURAL CRITIC

FOR "THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE" WHO ITHOUGHT GOT FIRED.

HE WAS GONE FOR A LONG PERIOD OFTIME.

>> Jon: WHAT THE [BLEEPED] ISWRONG WITH YOU?

DO YOU HAVE TO ANSWER EVERYBODY?

HOW MUCH TIME IS THERE FOR YOUIN DAY?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SUCCESSFULBUSINESSMAN?

IS THERE NO SLIGHT SMALL ENOUGHFOR YOU TO JUST [BLEEPED] LET IT

GO.

REMOVE THE GOOGLE NEWS ALERT FORYOUR NAME.

NOW, THIS POOR ARCHITECTURECRITIC HAS TO GO ON AND DEFEND

HIS REPUTATION.

>> I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THEGUTTER WITH DONALD TRUMP.

I HAVE A PULITZER PRIZE.

I WASN'T FIRED FROM MY JOB.

I WAS ON A SABBATICAL ATHARVARD.

>> Jon: YOU DON'T GET IT, DOYOU?

[LAUGHTER]DONALD TRUMP ISN'T IMPRESSED BY

THE HARVARD OR PULITZER.

THE ONLY NAME THAT IMPRESSESDONALD TRUMP IS HIS OWN NAME.

UNLESS YOU HAVE "TRUMP" ACROSSYOUR FOREHEAD, HE DOESN'T GIVE A

[BLEEPED].

I GOTTA SAY, CHICAGO, I THINKTHIS IS ON YOU.

DID YOU NOT THINK DONALD TRUMPWAS GOING TO PUT HIS NAME ON THE

BUILDING YOU LET HIM BUILD?

IT'S WHAT HE DOES.

HAVE YOU BEEN TO NEW YORK, OR ASYOU THINK IT WOULD BE CALLED

FROM THE BUILDINGS, NEW TRUMPCITY.

HE PUT UP A STRING OF APARTMENTTOWERS THAT LITERALLY BLOCK THE

SUN FROM THE ENTIRE UPPER WESTSIDE OF MANHATTAN.

"HEY, HEY, IT'S THE CLASSIEST,MOST LUXURIOUS GLOOM THE CITY

HAS EVER SEEN."

EVERYONE KNOWS THE FIRST THINGDONALD TRUMP DOES AFTER

FINISHING A BUILDING IS SPRAYHIS NAME-JIZZ ALL OVER IT.

HE PAID A LOT TO ERECT THATBUILDING.

OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO HAVE HISMONEY SHOT.

JUST BE THANKFUL HE DIDN'T USEHIS BIRTH NAME.

YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.

[LAUGHTER]WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]