So let's move nowfrom a functioning democracy
-to the United States,where... -(laughter)
we've reached the endof week three
of President Trump's regime.
Yes. This week,El Trumpo has done so much.
You know, with the helpof Goldman Sachs alumni,
he began the processof repealing Dodd-Frank,
the law that was put in place
to help preventanother global recession.
Yesterday, he was criticized byhis own Supreme Court nominee,
Judge Gorsuch,who said Trump's comments
towards the judicial system weredemoralizing and disheartening.
And I think Gorsuchbetter watch out.
Yeah, because if hecalls Trump out one more time,
I wouldn't be shockedif Donald turns on him.
You know, Donald would be like,"This so-called judge,
who is very overrated,a total loser..."
They'd be like, "Mr. President,you appointed him."
"He was appointed by a presidentwho lost the popular vote.
-(applause)-It might happen.
and just hours ago,
the so-calledFederal Court of Appeals
just upheld the suspensionof Trump's immigration ban.
which means... immigrants,come in! Come in quickly!
Come in quickly, everybody!Come in! Come in quickly!
You know, we joke,but people think that's real.
"They're all gonna come in now."
By the way, uh, just now,in reaction to that,
Trump tweeted, in all caps...
I love how he says"see you in court,"
like this wasn't decidedin court.
Like the judges are like,"Who is this idiot?
Does he not know where we are?"
(like Trump):I'll see you in court!
"That's we are already."Well, then I'll...
I'll see you... Come outand then we go back in...
All of this has happenedin less than a month.
But there's one story, onestory... that's been ongoing
from even beforeDonald Trump took office,
and that's how the Trump familywants to profit
off the Trump presidency.
It's the subject of our newand presumably ongoing series,
"The White House Hustle."
Now, it's not a surprise thatTrump is looking to cash in.
I mean, we saw this comingwhen, during the inauguration,
he put his hand on the Bibleand swore to, quote,
"Get rich or die trying."
What is surpri... though,what is surprising, though,
is that it has turnedinto such a family affair.
You know? First up isthe First Lady, Melania Trump,
or, as Donald calls her,"Number three."
Things are actually going greatfor Melania Trump, you know?
She's got Trump Towerall to herself,
and she just scoreda legal victory that showed us
what her priorities will beas First Lady.
First lady Melania Trump hasrefiled her defamation lawsuit
against the companythat publishes
the Daily Mail's Web site.
The first lady is suing over an article
that suggested she once worked
as a "elite escort in the sex business."
RV REPORTER: The attorney claims that Melania Trump's
temporary positions as "one of the most photographed women
in the world," is a marketing opportunity worth millions,
and adds that the false article hurt Melania Trump's chances
to launch a product line including shoes, jewelry,
clothing, cosmetics, hair and skincare and perfume.
Now, if you're wondering whatonce in a lifetime opportunity
Melania was tryingto profit from,
I'll give you one guess.
It rhymes with "schmers flavy."
No, not Slim Shady,"schmers flavy."
I mean, everyone knowsfirst ladies
are not supposed to profitoff being the first lady.
That's not a thing you do.
I mean, obviously,except for Eleanor Roosevelt
and her line of 1940's lingerie,which was an exception.
Look at her.Do I have knees?
You'll have to find out.
But also, Melania wantsto sue a newspaper
because her reputationis damaged?
(Bleep) the newspaper, sue yourpussy-grabbing husband, yo.
Are you being seriousright now?
(cheering and applause)
Now, now even thoughtheir lawsuit claimed
that Melania was going to tryto use the office to make money,
she released a statementsaying she has,
"no intention of profiting offher position as first lady."
Which actually is a shame,
because now she'll never get tointroduce her signature line
of Melania Trump'sHusband Repellant.
Love is blind,and now so is husband.
But, but Melania's hustles...
Melania's muscles, to be honest,
ain't (bleep) comparedto President Donald's.
Because he knows the real moneyis in real estate.
Just look at what he's doingto the Department of Defense.
He's turning theminto his tenants.
The U.S. military is now lookingto rent space in Trump Tower.
The move is intendedto allow military personnel
to work alongside the president
when he's back homein New York City.
Estimates are that it could run
over a million dollars a yearfor the rent.
Yes, the president
is now the landlord in chief.
Like, man, you know what I hateabout my landlord?
He doesn't fix my pipes,
and he made me invade Iran.
Like, is it just me,or is Trump moving
his whole administrationto Trump Tower?
It feels like that, right?
Think about it. Melania's there,first lady.
You got the Department ofDefense is gonna be moving in,
and the secret service.
Yeah, Trump's gonna be spendingso little time
at the White House,I wouldn't be surprised
if he listed it on Airbnb.
Not everything is goingswimmingly in Trump land.
As you know by now,
Nordstrom stopped sellingIvanka's product line and, uh...
And after Trump attacked themonline -- this is true --
Nordstrom's stock shot upfour percent.
-It went up by four percent.-(cheers and applause)
It's the new Trump effect.
Yeah, everyone thought thosestocks were gonna go down.
Right now, every companyin the country's
gonna start claiming to stopselling Ivanka products,
even if they don't have them.
That's, like, the new thing.
You go against Trump,and then people--
Like, people will be in court,and they're just like,
the lawyer's like, I know myclient killed four people
but he stopped sellingIvanka products,
so could he havea lighter sentence?
They'll be like, all right,it's approved, it's approved.
So that was all yesterday.That was all yesterday.
Then this morning,
Trump sends out the mostoverworked woman in America,
and truth scarecrowKellyanne Conway,
to defend Ivanka's brand on TV.
You asked about Ivanka, Ivisited with her yesterday.
You know, this is a verysuccessful businesswoman.
Go buy Ivanka's stuff,is what I would tell you.
-I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get---Well, and there's, there's...
I hate shopping, and I'm gonnago get some myself today.
This is just--it's a wonderful line.
I own some of it.I fully-- I'm gonna just give a,
I'm gonna givea free commercial here.
Go buy it today, everybody.You can find it online.
Wow. I'm gonna give a freecommercial, go buy it?
I love how,in less than three weeks,
we've gone from the presidencyand Trump businesses
are totally separate to:
Come on down to the White Houseand buy, buy, buy!
Buy Trump or get dumped.
All-out dignity must go.