The Colbert Report

Intro - 10/5/09

Season 5 • 10/05/2009

If our kids don't have long school breaks, how will they prepare for jobs as congressmen?

More

Watching

04:11

Francis Collins
The Colbert ReportS5

Francis Collins informs Stephen that it's going to take time for stem cell research to give him crab claws.
10/01/2009
05:09

Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 1
The Colbert ReportS5

Competitive eater Brad Sciullo wants to prove anything is possible by finishing a 15-pound hamburger called "The Belly Buster."
10/01/2009
02:03

Najibullah Zazi Threatens Beauty Supplies
The Colbert ReportS5

Suspected terrorist Najibullah Zazi threatens America's unregulated use of beauty supplies.
10/01/2009
00:25

Sign Off - New Slang
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen introduces some new slang into the teen lexicon.
10/01/2009
08:03

2016 Olympics in Chicago - George Wendt
The Colbert ReportS5

George Wendt and Stephen trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
10/01/2009
06:30

Arne Duncan
The Colbert ReportS5

Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wants longer school hours so American students can compete with the rest of the world.
10/05/2009
04:42

Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 2
The Colbert ReportS5

Brad Sciullo's training regime of drinking, vomiting and trout prepares him to conquer "The Belly Buster."
10/05/2009
00:03

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report.
10/05/2009
01:25

Americans for Prosperity Cheer Chicago's Failure
The Colbert ReportS5

The conservative group, Americans for Prosperity, cheers when they hear the news of Chicago's failure to host the 2016 Olympics.
10/05/2009
05:46

The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
The Colbert ReportS5

As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
10/05/2009
00:34

Intro - 10/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama proposes a longer school year, and Arne Duncan could only get a job as a secretary.
10/05/2009
03:28

John Darnielle
The Colbert ReportS5

John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
10/06/2009
04:32

Formula 401: A Star Is Born
The Colbert ReportS5

Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
10/06/2009
01:09

New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops
The Colbert ReportS5

The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
10/06/2009
07:10

The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
The Colbert ReportS5

As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
10/06/2009
03:37

Human Sacrifice Channel
The Colbert ReportS5

What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
10/07/2009
00:38

Intro - 10/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
10/07/2009
02:31

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye Tooth
The Colbert ReportS5

Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
10/07/2009
00:38

Sign Off - Jasper T. Jowls
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
10/07/2009
05:45

Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
10/07/2009
06:40

Alison Gopnik
The Colbert ReportS5

Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
10/07/2009
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:49

"South Park: Snow Day!" Trailer
South Park

Join your favorite South Park characters as they fight for neighborhood dominance during a blizzard in "South Park: Snow Day!," available now.
03/26/2024
Trailer
00:28

Make the Most of a Day Off with "South Park: Snow Day!"
South ParkS26

Join Cartman and the neighborhood kids as they battle Stan, who has his own ideas about the rules of their fantasy game, in the "South Park: Snow Day!" video game, now available to preorder.
12/21/2023
Trailer
01:00

"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of Laughs
Star Trek: very Short TreksS1

Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
11/22/2023
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022