Roast Battle II - Frank Castillo vs. Joe Dosch

Roast Battle II: Night Four - Uncensored Season 2, Ep 8 01/29/2017 Views: 6,658

Frank Castillo compares Joe Dosch to a baseball, and Joe hits back with a brutal masturbation joke. (9:33)

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Let's roast![bell dinging]

- Thanks so much.

Mm-mm.

Seinfeld made a showabout Frank's life

called "Comedians Parking Cars,Serving Coffee."

- Joe's forehead looks likeit added a second story

so there'd be more roomto think about dicks.

[video game beeping]

- Midwestern white peoplehate Frank.

Mostly because he chewed throughtheir sprinkler systems.

- Joe's like a baseball.

He loves getting smashedin the park by Cubans.

[vacuum humming]

- Yeah.

Thank you, Recessive-geneGarofalo.

- You're welcome,Jizzy Pinkman.

- Mm.

Look...

[cash register dings]

- Come on, Joe.

- Francis, you look likeyou discovered

masturbating while you stillbelieved in Santa Claus.

- Joe's 30...

white blood cells awayfrom full-blown AIDS.

- Time and place.

- Last joke!

- Hey, everybody, what dothe men I have sex with

and Frank have in common?

They both have somethingto park in the back.

- [laughs]

Whoo!

[jolly music]

♪ ♪

- Yeah, you! Yeah!

- J...

- From the three-point line,a Leprechaun.

- What the [bleep]just happened?

Where--does he work here?What was that?

- Whoa!

- Joe is so racisthe makes black guys

drink his jizzfrom a separate fountain.

[dramatic music]

[cheers and applause]

[bell dinging]- Whoo!

- Wow.- Round one!

Semi-finals! Frank! Joe!

Let's roast!

[cheers and applause]

Jeff Ross.

That's how you start the finalsof "Roast Battle."

Say something!

- Frank, you threw some thunderout there tonight, buddy.

You really did.- Sure did.

- Saw...dropping somereverse Juju

with the curtsies too, Frank.

- [laughing]

- Very impressed by the materialthat both of these,

uh, battlers laid out tonight.

Uh, Pat--Natasha looks ready.

Patton looks ready.- Well, I'm just--

I came into this very,very prejudiced,

because I'm a hugeJoe Dosch fan.

You have been amazing, and--

- That's now how my last name,but thank you.

- Okay, well...- Dosch. It's fine, it's Dosch.

- And also, I came into thisvery prejudiced

'cause I do not like Mexicans,but, Frank--

- Who does?- I mean, Frank,

you just threw--you threw a--

a knockout punch to start,

and then you just did notstop pummel--it--

Frank all the way.

- My God.

- One for Frank!- One for Frank.

Natasha?- There it is.

- This is so hard because

I want to vote for the Mexicanbecause of Trump,

and...- Yeah.

- But I also want to vote forthe gay guy because of Trump.

Why does Trumphave to be our president?

This would make itso much easier.

Um, you guys were bothso great.

You really hadsuch great material.

- Thank you.

- And you--Joe, you were so confident,

uh, I love, you called himFrancis at some point.

You were just getting into it.

Uh, second-story forehead,whatever you said

about all the dicks in his mind.- That was a good one.

- But...

think I'm gonna--did you vote for someone?

- Yeah, Frank.- I...

- Natasha, this isn't sex.You're allowed to finish.

- Oh, heavens.

- And so it begins!

- We've turned.We've turned on one another.

- Pick somebody, babe.- I'm gonna vote for Frank

'cause he looks--'cause--wait.

I was gonna say,

because--only becausehe looks so poor.

- It's true.- He is. He is so poor.

- I've got like 20 bucks.- That's two for Frank.

- Movie star Jason Sudeikis.

- That's very nice of you.

I should do that legally.I should make that a thing.

Uh, great job, yeah, both,and thank you both

for wearing blue,excellent, excellent.

Uh, Frank, I mean, great jokes.

Excellent jokes,every single one of 'em.

Third one, I didn't quite get.

Uh, but that's onlybecause of my hearing.

Not because--not your fault.

So that's moreof a note for me.

Joe, I like--I like how whenyou deliver a joke,

halfway through,you're just kind of like,

"I don't knowhow this happened."

Like, you're like...

"Here. Here, take this.I don't need this.

"I don't need this punch line.I thought it up--

"I've been--I've been dickingaround with it

"for like 20 seconds.Here, you take it.

Here, Twitter. Here, world."

And also, it's nice to seea nice spit shine,

or maybe it's a swallow shine,I'm not sure.

Uh, on the shoes.- Yeah!

- Oh!- Yeah!

- Sudeikis.- From the three-point line.

- So I will say--so I will say

I'm gonna be very shallow hereand I'm gonna--

I'm gonna give it to Joejust for--

just for merely pulling togethera real nice look here.

- Thank you.- Oh, a vote for Joe Dosch.

- Now, now, now, he did wear

his finest hoodie overhis finest flannel.

- That's true.

By the way, Jason, loved you inthat Jesse Owens biopic,

"Django Unchained."It was so good.

- Thank you.Thank you very much.

- Noth--okay.- T.J., what do you think?

- I could have told youno one would laugh at that,

'cause not many people saw it.

Yeah, we should haveconferred beforehand.

- They don't knowwhat "Race" is.

- Um, I--I had a great time,first of all,

watching the two of you guys.

It was really fun.I do agree with you that--

that, uh, uh...

Joe, you have a real penchantfor sort of

ending a joke, and it's notreally about

what the [bleep] you said,you just are like...

I mean, is this real?Is this happening?

And I obviously likeyour blazer.

You look like Jiminy Cricket--- Thank you.

- Is talking gay kidsout of suicide.

- Oh.- Important.

- Don't say "Thank you"before I talk about

Jiminy Cricket and gay suicide.

- Gets better. It gets better.

- How do you pronounceyour last name?

- It's Dosch.- Dosch.

- Yeah. Ask Patton,he's a big fan.

[laughter]

- I'm a--I was votingfor Joe Douche.

The first--he was so funny.

His writing is impeccable.- I was gonna say,

this is a good--this is a goodtime to tell every young

comedian out there:if Patton Oswalt

mispronounces your last namein the middle of a compliment,

call him out on live television.

- Let him have it.- [bleep] idiot.

- Oh, yeah, no, you should.- What a fool!

- That's a solid note.- So, now,

this is exciting, though, Frank,you were amazing.

You're also the firstperson of color

that Joe knows outside ofthe cast of "Hamilton."

And Natasha's right--Natasha's right.

Frank, you're one of--you're one of the good Mexicans.

You're one of the ones...- Oh, my God!

- No, I'm serious.Look at--hey!

Hey! Look at hownon-threatening he looks.

Look at his hipster glasses.

He's the type of guy that justrolls around

in his lowrider blastingPatton Oswalt albums.

- Wrap--T.J., pick somebody.We got to move it along.

We're live.- Uh, J--

- This isn't your officeChristmas party, okay?

- Oh!- [mumbles]

- That's a compliment.- What's wrong?

$100 million global.[bleep] you guys.

Uh, I'm a suckerfor spectacle, so,

I got to say, Joe,your set was magic.

- Whoo! Oh!all: Oh!

- I vote for Joe.- Another vote for Joe Dosch.

- Oh, my.- All right.

- Jeff?Make it official.

- Let me tell you something:Joe Dosch,

I saw you go, doing roastbattles these last couple years,

from an open mikerto this very pizazzy,

but yet cuttingsort of headliner.

You're so funny, but--- Thank you.

- I think it's pretty clear that

Frank Castillo won thissemi-final roast battle.

- Moving on to the finals!

The Comedy Store's ownFrank Castillo!