Donald Trump's RNC Dystopia

July 22, 2016 - The RNC Night 4: The Party's Over 07/22/2016 Views: 43,500

The Best F#@king News Team weighs in on Donald Trump's RNC acceptance speech, where the presidential nominee projected panic and xenophobia. (3:48)

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Now, last night,Donald Trump closed the RNC

with his vision of an Americaovercome with crime,

murder, and mayhem.

Uh, he made it seem likewe're all living in the Purge,

when everyone knows thatthat only applies to Florida.

And even though I knowthat we're not living

in a terrifying dystopia,I'm not gonna lie,

the way Trump talks about thisstuff scared me (bleep)less.

Which is actually good,because I've had this thing

where I haven't been able to...

Yeah, it's really weird.Like, when Westerners go

to a third world country,it goes out.

When we come here,it all stays... It's weird.

I don't know how that happens.But, um...

but our correspondents, luckily,have been here all week,

and they can give us an ideaof what's actually going on.

So let's go live nowto Jordan Klepper, everybody!

-Jordan Klepper, who's standingby! -(cheering and applause)

Um, Jordan,

Jordan Klepper,you heard Trump's speech.

What are your thoughts?

Trevor, America is under attackfrom all sides.

Immigrantsare pouring over the border

with the specific goalto murder our children.

Our smart children, too.I mean, like, the good ones.

So I don't know about you,but after that Trump speech,

I'm buying some guns.

Like, a (bleep)load of guns.

50, 60,

whatever will fitin the windowless van I rented.

From now on,I'm arming myself to the teeth,

-and you should, too.-Wow. Okay.

Uh, thanks, Jordan Klepper.We got Ronny Chieng standing by,

everybody. Ronny Chieng,Senior Foreign Correspondent.

Ronny, Ronny,how are you feeling right now?

Trevor, I'm (bleep) terrified,all right?

I heard that some people arearming themselves to the teeth!

To the teeth, Trevor! That's,like, the whole body, okay?

They're arming their head,shoulders, knees, and toes.

-Knees and toes?-Knees and toes!

I have no choice.To protect myself,

I got to get a gun, too.

Uh, but, Ronny,you're an immigrant.

I don't even thinkyou're allowed to buy a gun.

Look, whatever,I'll figure it out, okay?

I'll get one on eBay, Facebook,

Pokémon Go, the black market.

My teeth need to be armed!

All right, thanks-thanks so muchfor that, Ronny.

Uh, let's go to Roy Wood, everybody.

Roy Wood Jr. standing by.Uh, Roy,

you're on the groundin Cleveland.

What are you hearing?

I'm hearing unconfirmed reportsthat immigrants

are buying weaponson the black market, Trevor!

In fact, some of them reportedto be saying

they plan to be armedto the teeth in windowless vans!

And so the black communityis out of options.

They've got to come togetherlike the Avengers

and fight back.I mean, I got no choice.

I-I got to arm myselfand my child.

Wow, okay,those are strong statements.

Uh, thanks so much, Roy.Uh, let's go now

to Hasan Minhaj, everybody,who's standing by.

Hasan, you're on the ground.

What can you tell us?

Trevor, I am hearing that theBlack Panthers and the Avengers

have teamed up to come kill ususing child soldiers.

Now, there is only one thingfor me to do.

First things first,I got to get a bunch of guns.

Then I got to go to the mosquewith my family

and just praythat everything turns out okay.

-Trevor! Trevor! -Jor-JordanKlepper coming back in.

-Jordan, what's happeningover there? -Trevor,

a Muslim militia is gatheringtogether in mosques,

I can only assume,to plot an attack of some kind

in conjunction with an armyof child soldiers

hell-bent on helping immigrantseat our children.

Not to mention,my marriage is falling apart.

W-Wait, what? You... Jordan,you've never said anything

-about your marriage.-Well, you never asked!

The point is it's incredible

how much scariereverything is starting to feel,

seemingly overnight, andit's all Donald Trump's fault.

I-I'm so sorry, Jordan.What are you gonna do?

-I'm probably gonna votefor Trump. -Wow.

Thank you, Jordan. Thanksso much for that. Thank you.

Jordan Klepper, everybody,and the rest

of the Daily Show News Team!