Here with her new segment,The Big Mad Wolf,
is The Daily Show's Michelle Wolf.
Oh, France.We all know France.
It's the thing you seeafter London,
but before you see underpants.
And right now, it's the centerof a very heated debate.
TV REPORTER: The glistening beaches of the South of France,
normally the most desired holiday destinations in Europe,
ground zero for the battle over the so-called burkini ban.
French officials are also tryingto have a say
about how women should dress.
And several mayors in Franceare still refusing
to allow Muslim womento wear
full-body swimsuits known as burkinis.
And this comes despite a high-court ruling last Friday
saying the ban is illegal.
It is so hard to be a woman.
You're wearing too little!You're wearing too much!
You're somehow wearingboth too much and too little.
You're too old,you're too young.
You're a prude, you're a whore,have my baby.
Give me back my son!
Now, here's what's going on.
Muslim women want to wearburkinis, which is a full-body
covering bikini on the beach.
Because, culturally, that'show they feel comfortable.
And by the way,let's just take a quick second
to appreciate the name"burkini."
"Burka" plus "bikini"--
come on, that's beautiful.
It is surprisingly hard
to come up witha good combination name.
Like cronut. See, I know
it's a combined croissantand doughnut,
but it sounds likeCrohn's disease for your nuts.
Like, "Oh, my doctor
"just gave me terrible news.
I've got the cronuts."
You can't justjam two things together
and expect it to work.Like Hiddleswift.
And for the record,I'm thrilled they broke up.
Have you seen the two of them?
They're both so wispy and pale.
I can't even imaginethem having sex.
It's like two violin bowsrubbing together.
And speaking of (bleep),let's come back around
to the burkini ban.
Why is this even happening?
REPORTER: Officials say this has to do with concerns
over Islamic terrorism.
Others say it's Islamophobia.
Okay, real quick, French police,
let's say these women buildingsand castles at the beach
are terrorists-- which they'renot, not even a little bit.
Wouldn't you want themto wear burkinis
so they're easier to spot?
I don't thinkit's the best advice
to tell suspected criminalsto blend in.
(deep voice): Hey, you knowthose bad guys we're supposed
to be on the lookout for?Let's hide 'em in a sea of tits,
like a Where's Waldo? porno.
And this burkini nonsenseisn't just a couple
fringe French mayors.
It goes to all the wayto le top.
REPORTER: France's Prime Minister Valls
gave a speech Monday hailing Marianne,
a national symbol of freedom,
and suggesting that her naked breast
represents France better than the burkini.
Valls appears to be referring to this 1830 painting
called Liberty Leading the People.
TRANSLATOR: Marianne has a naked breast
because she is feeding the people.
She is not veiled because she is free.
That is the republic.
why do I get the feelingthat's not the first time
their prime minister hasmade a case for naked breasts?
Specifically, to his secretary.
(French accent):Marie, you're not a prisoner.
Your breasts must be set freeinto my hands and mouth.
But let's talk...
let's talk about that painting.
Clearly, it was done by a man,
because any woman knows thatwhen doing a physical activity,
you want your boobs
as contained as possible.
You can't fight a war
with your titsflopping all around.
Oh, you got injured in combat.
What happened, were you shot?
No, my boobs slapped meright in the face.
Now, Marianne, the womanin that painting,
is the French symbol of liberty.
And liberty doesn't have to meanyou have to be naked.
It's the freedom to make whatwhatever terrible fashion choice
you want-- naked, burkini,
socks with sandals-- anything.
I mean, France even gave usthe Statue of Liberty,
and she looks like she's wearingevery towel she could find.
What the prime ministeris trying to say is
"Listen, Islam, you're notallowed to dictate
"what women can wearon the beach.
That's a French mayor's job."
And call me crazy,but not every woman
wants to show her bodyat the beach.
Sometimes, forreligious reasons or modesty
or because you havekielbasa nipples...
Kielbasa nipplesare like pepperoni nipples,
except thicker and Polish.
It's a thing.
But still, some French mayorsare adamant.
REPORTER: Local mayors such as Marc Etienne Lansade
vowed to keep their bans in place.
He insists there will be no burkinis,
even if he has to declare his beaches for nudists only.
Wait, make all beaches nude?
That is a Gerard Depar-don't.
Terrorism is scary.
But so is seeinga naked old hairy man.
Because although you can...a s... a suicide bomb
can kill you, seeinga French man's raw balls,
you'll livebut you will never be the same.
Back to you, kielbasa nips.
Thank you, Michelle.Michelle Wolf, everyone!