The U.K.'s Brexit Fallout

June 30, 2016 - Chuck Klosterman 06/30/2016 Views: 30,652

In the aftermath of the Brexit vote, the U.K. Parliament struggles to find a new prime minister and establish diplomatic accord with the European Union. (4:54)

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After 52% of Great Britain votedto leave the European Union,

many on the refain...on the Remain side

felt like they had just seenan M. Night Shyamalan movie.

You know?They were slightly surprised,

severely disappointed andlooking for someone to blame.

UK politics is an unprecedented

amount of turmoil.

You have a seriouspolitical vacuum in the UK.

REPORTER: The Conservative party leadership

dealt something of a severe blow.

The Labour camp-- that's also

suffering some turbulent timesthese days.

REPORTER 2: Jeremy Corbyn lost a confidence vote in parliament.

Will we then see a breakaway

of the Labour partysplitting into pieces?

REPORTER 3: Scotland is already threatening

to break away from the UK over the Brexit vote

because they want to stay in the EU.


Scotland is threateningto leave the UK.


If that happens, where elsewill England find music

that sounds like a pieceof carpet is farting at you?


Now, uh, after any big vote,the losing side

usually has to regroupand retrench, and, uh,

that's why Prime MinisterDavid Cameron--

who was against Brexit--is stepping down.

What's weird in this situationis that the winning side

also seems to be losing.Because, remember

Boris Johnson, right?The former mayor of London-

slash-human scoopof mashed potatoes.

Well, he was the faceof the Leave campaign.

So, when the question becamewho would replace Cameron

as prime minister,everyone knew

that person would bebusiness casual Shrek.

That is the agendafor the next prime minister

of this country.

Well, I must tell you,my friends,

I have concluded

that person cannot be me.

Yes. So, the person

who basically convincedBritain to leave Europe

now doesn't want anythingto do with this whole fiasco.

Yeah. Britain's basicallyknocking on his door like,

"Boris, Boris,I did what you wanted,

"I've left Europe for you

and now I can to be withthe one I love."

And he's like,"Yes, uh, but I've concluded,

"uh, that, unfortunately,

that person cannot be me."

Now, if Boris was the faceof the Leave campaign,

this guy was the ass.

Nigel Farage, leader ofthe far right-wing party UKIP,

which is short for"u kip off my lawn, (bleep)."

Uh, or, as they pronounce itin the UK,

uh, UK Independence Party.

Now, Farage, for decadeshas been pro-nationalism,

anti-immigrantand anti-European Union.

Uh, having won his campaignto separate Britain from Europe,

Nigel went backto the European Union

to extend a hand of friendship.

Nigel Farage was welcomedwith loud boos

by the EU parliament on Tuesday.

What I would like to seeis a grown-up

and sensible attitude

to how we negotiatea different relationship.

-(indistinct clamoring, chatter)-Now... now, I know...

I know thatvirtually none of you

have ever done a proper jobin your lives...

(scattered applause,indistinct clamoring)

You know, when I came here17 years ago

and I said that I wantedto lead a campaign

to get Britainto leave the European Union,

you all laughed at me.

Well, I have to say,

you're not laughing now,are you?

What a wanker.

That's what thiswas all about-- revenge?

"Well, you're all notlaughing now, are you?"

You do realize Britainstill needs the EU for trade.

Once the British exitis made official,

they decide whether or notyour economy lives or dies.

Your future is in their handsand you're (bleep) on them?

That's like telling your surgeonyou slept with his wife

right before you go under.

"Careful what youput inside me, Doc.

"By the way, I can tell you

"who I wasn't careful inside.

Anyway, good luck in there.(snores)"

So, right now Great Britain

is basically dealing witheconomic uncertainty,

diplomatic turmoil and

political leadership showingno signs of being able to lead.

At times like this, it's a shame

that in a time of such upheaval

there isn't a singular figurefor the country to turn t...

Wait a minute.

They have a queen.

They have a queen, people.

Surely this is the one timethat can come in handy.

Earlier this week the queen

met with a Northern Irishpolitician

and when askedwhat's been on her mind,

well, it turns out,

there's been no timefor Brexit in her calendar.


Brexit is happeningand you're talking about two...

and two birthdays.

That's hella suspicious, people.

Why do I get the feeling,every time the queen

gets anywhere close to the news,someone shuts her down?

It's like... (imitates queen):Oh, look, it looks like Britain

has voted to leavethe European...

(normal voice):♪ Happy birthday to you