- What, no?
Come the fuck on!
- Oh my God, finally.
Where the fuck are you?
- I'm stuck!
I'm stuck in an elevator!
The service is terrible!
- You're in an elevator?
Why would you go into a big building,
today of all days?
Abby, it's Inauguration Day!
- I know, I'm sorry, okay?
It was the last voucher for my laser hair removal.
- Abby, it is about to get
I Am Legend up in here.
You're gonna needthose pubes for warmth.
- I know, dude.
But I prepaid for the package!
What am I not gonna finish a package?
I don't want a mustachefor the apocalypse.
- Mustaches are gonna be currency soon!
- I mean, it's gonna grow back.
Laser like hardly works on me.
- I know I thinkit's about the equipment,
and the settings more importantly.
- Okay, okay, okay.
We are T-minus 60 seconds until (bleep) is inaugurated.
- I can't believe it.
Oh my God!
Okay, okay, you know what?
Your elevator's gonna start moving soon,
and we'll meetsomewhere in the middle.
Maybe where that Jew tried to grab your pussy, okay?
- Okay, I hate that spot.
Alright, do you have mace?
- Yeah, do you have your butterfly knife?
- Yeah, it's in my other hand!
- Okay, okay, we're 30 seconds out.
- Abby, I love you.
I love you so much,
whatever happens I love you,
and on the way,
if you could loot youknow batteries or food,
I kinda forgot,
I forgot batteries
- 15 seconds!
- Oh my God!
- Remember what we learned in Krav Maga, okay?
Eyes, nose, throat,
kneecaps, groin, feet.
Eyes, Nose, Throat, Kneecaps, Groin, Feet!
- No, Abby, no!
- Oh, no, no, no!
Dude, my elevator's just working again.
It's just working again!
- What's it like?
- What is it?!
- Dude, SVU's filming outside my apartment!
They never film down here,
- Oh my God!
Is Mariska there?
- I can't see, I wanna go check it out.
I wish you were here.
- Me too.
(in unison) Fuck!
- Fuck, dude!
(in unison) Fucking (bleep)!
Fuck me in the fucking face!
- This is what we're living in now!
- Fuck me!
Woman hating, fucking daughter-fucking--
- This is bad!
- Twitter bitch!
- These are (bleep) times!
- Fuck me!
- (Bleep) times call for (bleep) measures!
- Fuckin' braggin' about sexual assault, mother fucker,
Billy Bush is a fucking butt plug!
- People are justgonna be grabbing shit!
- Dude Pence, he's like a fucking wooden doll from the 50s!
- We're gonna have to wear cups now!
- His cum is like orange slime--
- People are just gonna be peeing on other people!
- Fuck me, man--
- Foaming at the mouth now--
- The fucking worst partis he's actually sick,
he's just mentally ill,
it's not even funny.
- So, I think I'm just gonna come over still?
- Yeah, and you know what?
We'll just google how to googleour local representatives.
- Okay, good plan.
I'll be there in like,
- Okay, I'll see you in a little bit.
Love you, baby.
- Love you too.