Trump vs. Hillary: 90s Style

Monday, September 26, 2016 09/26/2016 Views: 699

Co-host Kato Kaelin joins Margaret Cho, Jaleel White and Emo Philips as they revisit the 90s and give a special toast to Donald Trump on Hillary Clinton's behalf. (3:48)

(cheers and applause)

Ow! Ow! Spank me once,shame at you.

Spank me twice,now we're talking.

Clinton and Trumpare at it again.

The apple doesn't fall farfrom the PC.

And damn it, Janet,Animal Planet.

Holy moly, it's @midnight!

(applause and cheering)

I'm struggling actorKato Kaelin.

And now, here's your host,

a man whose tips are so frosted,

you'd think they were flakes!

Chris Hardwick!Chris Hardwick!

(applause and cheering)

What's happening?

What's up? Yeah.

(applause and cheering)

-All right!-(Kaelin whoops)

HARDWICK:Welcome.

(cheers and applause)

All right.

Thank you, Kato Kaelin.All right.

Welcome to @midnight, the show

(dramatically): that willgo down on you in a theater.

-(applause and cheering)-Now,

let's see what's going onin the chat room.

-Chat room.-(high-pitched modem beeps)

-(laughter)-(static)

(beep, static)

(laughter)

-All right.-(cheers and applause)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now you get all of that.

Well, Clinton and Trumpare at it again. Yeah.

Donald "Second Marriage" Trumpis saying

the affair that President Bill"Ruin Marriage" Clinton had

with Monica Lewinsky would palein comparison

to the multiple affairs he wouldhave if he were president.

There he is.The tangerine dreamboat

told CNBCthat he'd be even sleazier.

Take a look!

-(laughter) -Yes!-Did he just...?

-Yeah.-(applause and cheering)

(Kaelin whoops)

Hillary Clinton herself,a woman, had this response.

My mama always told me

the White House is like a boxof chocolates.

It's pretty on the outside,

but inside,there's lots of nuts.

(laughter)

-Hee Haw. -Yeah.-(applause and cheering)

It's Hee Haw.

They got very excitedabout that.

KAELIN:I... I...

She could be president some day,

maybe after,like, a black guy. Uh...

-(laughter and groaning)-KAELIN: No way. No way.

Personal animus aside,

politicians and corporatebillionaires go together

like cigars and Oval Offices.

I'm sure the Trumps and Clintonsrun into each other

socially all the time.

So, comedians, what's a toast

Hillary Clinton might maketo Donald Trump?

Emo Philips.

Roses are red.Violets are blue.

You are so, so, so lucky

nothing rhymes with orange.

-(laughter)-HARDWICK: Yes.

Very good.Points to Emo Philips.

(applause and cheering)

Wish we had a system to keeptrack of that, but we don't.

Uh, Margaret Cho.

To Donald Trump,

the nicest, least racist manI've ever met.

HARDWICK:Yes. Excellent. Points.

(applause and cheering)

Jaleel White.

Donald Trump,here is to your daughter.

Now she's pretty hot,but just a reminder,

just because she's 18,

it's still illegalto (bleep) your daughter.

HARDWICK:All right.

-Oh.-(cheers and applause)

-You get points for that.-Salud!

Points for that.