Roast Battle - Mike Lawrence vs. Matthew Broussard

Roast Battle - Night Two - Uncensored Season 1, Ep 3 07/29/2016 Views: 4,430

Matthew Broussard kicks off his battle against Mike Lawrence with a cutting fast-food reference, but Mike comes back with a sharp joke about Matthew's appearance. (5:09)

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[ Laughing ] Allright.

Matthew,Mike.

Who'sready?

[ Cheers and applause]

Let'sroast!

[ Bell dings]

Mike.

You look like if the BurgerKing

had a geniusbar.

Matt, I lookcreepy.

You arecreepy.

MannequinSkywalker.

People look at me andthink

"homelessperson."

They look at you and think"date

rapist who leaves everyvictim

with an autographedheadshot."

[ Cheers and applause]

[ Horn blares]

Here's the thing,Mike.

I look like a daterapist.

You look like just aregular

rapist.

Like, I look like I peakedin

highschool.

You look like you peek inhigh

schools.

Oh!

Whoo!

[ Alarm sounds]

[ Air horn blows]

Matt, you Goldman Sach ofshit.

Matt's comforted by thefact

that Whoopi's here, sinceshe

looks like every nannythat

raisedhim.

Uh-oh.

Shotsfired.

[ Air horn blows]

I've never met Whoopi, butfun

fact--

Anthony and I used to be onthe

same Hitler youth lacrosseteam.

So we go wayback.

Nepotism.

Mike.

Your skin isterrible.

You have a bigger greaseproblem

than the EuropeanUnion.

[ Gunshot]

That was a good one, HackEfron.

[ Horn blows]

You know, Matt'sactually

Jewish.

But based on all theauditions

he's failed to get, youwouldn't

consider him one of thechosen

people.

Lastjoke.

Mike, your teeth areabsolutely

disgusting.

Your teeth are so crookedthat

Donald Trump iscampaigning

againstthem.

Like, fun fact--

The elevator scene from"The

Shining" was actually basedon

the last time he tried tofloss.

Greatfilibuster.

Matt's so self-absorbedthat

when his dad told him hegot

Parkinson's, his firstquestion

was "Who booksthat?"

My dad may have Parkinson'sbut

--

[ Bell dings]

Whoa, whoa,whoa.

Save thatheat.

God damnit.

That's theround.

Keep itgoing.

Matthew Broussard,Mike

Lawrence.

[ Cheers and applause]

Yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah!

[Bleep]

That's a hot firstbattle,

Jeffrey.

[Bleep]

Close,Moses.

Close.

Yeah,baby.

Greatbattle.

I love youguys.

I'm not gonnavote.

I want to hear what--

Let's see what Anthony--

He looks like he'sready.

I feel like you guys looklike

before-and-after pictures ofthe

apocalypse.

[ Laughter]

I thought you guys wereboth

great.

Like, those were allgreat

jokes.

This is a great start tothe

show.

[ Cheers and applause]

Great start to theshow.

I know how hard that isbecause

I saw last night's show,as

well.

I'm gonna say--

As a tiebreaker, 'cause itwas

soclose...

I would say I've got to giveit

to Matthew because this is aTV

show.

But if this was--

[ Laughs]

[ Explosion]

But if this was radio, youwould

be killing it,Mike.

So...

But congratulations to bothof

you, but more accurately,just

you,Matt.

Um, thank you,Matthew's

doppelganger.

Go ahead,Whoopi.

Um...

[ Laughter]

You both were veryfunny.

Uh...

You kind of made melaugh.

Mike.

Thanks.

You made melaugh.

You're cute, but you[bleep]

made melaugh.

[ Laughter]

Thanks.

You made me laugh, also, butI

think I peed when I laughedwith

you.

[ Laughs]

So I'm gonna go withMike.

Mike.

Splitdecision.

Tied up,Jeff.

Break thistie.

You know, that wasreally,

reallyclose.

I scored it 4 to 3 forMike

Lawrence.

Congratulations,man.

Thankyou.

Wow!

[ Horn blares]

Wow.

Greatjob.

For the first time inhistory,

Beast beatsBeauty!

[ Cheers and applause]

Hug eachother!

Hug each other!