Pardon the Integration - Bill O'Reilly Looks on the Bright Side of Slavery

July 28, 2016 - Cass Sunstein 07/28/2016 Views: 778

Pundits Mike Yard and Rory Albanese square off about Bill O'Reilly's ongoing effort to find the silver lining in slavery. (3:58)

Welcome back!

Um, as I discussed on the showlast night,

Bill O'Reillyhad a white-hot take

after Michelle Obama saidin her convention speech

that the White Housewas built by slaves.

Um, here's how I reactedlast night.

Michelle Obama is essentiallycorrect in citing slaves

as builders of the White House.

Slaves that worked there werewell fed and had decent lodgings

provided by the government.

(sputters)

What?

Your takeaway about slaveryis that they were well fed?

Ooh. (Southern accent):Thank you, Massa O'Reilly,

for-for clarifying meabout slavery!

I-I pull out my slave impressionnow and then for these moments.

Well, O'Reilly hada full 24 hours to rethink it.

Did he double downon his comments

or did he show contrition inthe wake of his insensitivity?

The answer might surprise you.

If you don't knowwho Bill O'Reilly is.

For the rest of you,here is the obvious.

That commentary, 100% accurate,

providing contextto Mrs. Obama's remarks

and explaininghow the administration

of George Washingtonconducted itself

in the constructionof the executive mansion.

Are you kidding me?

What is wrong with this man?

I mean, this is clearlyall part of O'Reilly's research

into his new book Killing Sanity.

(laughter and applause)

Because who the (bleep) findsthe silver lining in slavery?

But it brings upan interesting question.

Is this kind of context helpfulin the discussion of slavery?

Well, there's only one wayto get to the bottom of it,

an old-fashionedcable news argument.

So, without further adieu,here's another installment

of Pardon the Integration.

(overlapping arguing)

(bell dings)

(applause)

Please, welcome Nightly Show contributors

Mike Yard and Rory Albanese.

Hi, guys.

All right, guys.

Okay, tonight's topic:

O'Reilly's White Houseslave comments.

Rory, you'll startby taking O'Reilly's side and,

Mike, you'll argue against.

No, no, no, no, no.

-What? What, what?-Nope, nope, nope.

This time, I want to start

by taking the bad side.

-Okay?-But it's...

Yeah,because whenever we do this,

-Uh-huh. -I start by takingthe sensible position

-No, no, no. -and then Rorytakes the ignorant position,

and then we switch and-and-and

-What?-at the end of the segment

-Mike. -with me takingthe controversial side,

-Uh-huh. -and then you tas...you two say I'm a dick,

-so no.-No, Mike, no.

-No, Mike.-No.

-We don't...-No, this time...

I'm gonna start with takingthe crazy position.

Mike, we don't do... Mike...

Yes, you do.

But...

-Every time.-Geez.

Oh, okay, Mike, well,you know we love you.

Okay, sure.Okay, you know,

we'll try it that way,all right?

-Thank you.-Yeah, it's fine with me.

-I don't care.-Okay.

Not falling for that(bleep) again.

-Okay.-Nope.

Mike, no one's gonna do...

Okay, Mike, okay, you're ready?

So, tell us why Bill O'Reillywas right and begin.

Well, O'Reilly was simplypointing out the fact

that not all slaveswere treated that badly.

That's it.

Jesus, Mike!

(laughter)

I-I-I-I cannot even believeyou just said that.

Yeah, Mike, what the (bleep)?

(laughter and applause)

I mean...

what's wrong with you, brother?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,that's not how it works!

-That's not...-Larry, Larry, Larry.

I... this might seem weird,but, like...

I kind of don't wantto do this anymore.

-I mean...-Yeah.

-What?-I agree.

No, it just...it feels icky now.

-It just feels icky, I don't...-You know what,

-let's just end this right now.-(bell dings)

-And the winner is Rory-Yeah!

-because Mike is totally finewith slavery -What?!

and loves Bill O'Reilly.

Oh, thank you.

-La-Larry, uh, if I...-Yes?

-if I-- if I could,it-it feels appropriate. -Sure.

I'd-I'd like to dedicatemy decisive victory

to the descendents of slaves.

-Aw.-You mother(bleep)!

Oh, I'll take that.

-That feels like what? Yeah.-Aw, Rory.

-I don't believe this (bleep).-It feels like the right thing

-to do. It does. -I don't evenknow if I know, Mike.

This has beena heartbreaking episode

-of Pardon the Integration.-Wow.

Mike Yard and Rory Albanese,everybody!

-We'll be right back.-Wow.

I don't know whyhe would say that.