The Snacks of Life

March 17, 2015 - Amanda Seyfried 03/17/2015 Views: 115,134

Restaurant chains take several different approaches to the obesity crisis, and the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics hands out a leniently determined "Kids Eat Right" label. (5:44)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

AS MANY OF US KNOW, THE TYPICALAMERICAN DIET IS RICH IN

ESSENTIAL POISONS.

AS EVIDENCE MOUNTS THAT BIG AGRAAND THE FOOD LOBBY

HAVE TURNED OUR FOOD SUPPLYINTO AN ADDICTIVE, FATTENING

DEATH MENU OF ARTIFICIALCHEMICALS, ANTIBIOTICS AND

COOL RANCH CARCINOGENS.

THE QUESTION IS NOW THAT WE HAVETHIS KNOWLEDGE, NOW THAT THE

AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE AWARE OFTHIS, WHAT ARE FOOD COMPANIES

GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

>> LITTLE CAESAR'S CREATED THENEW BACON WRAPPED DEEP, DEEP

DISH PIZZA TOPPED WITH PEPPERONIAND BACON AND WRAPPED

IN OVER THREE AND A HALFFEET OF BACON!

>> Jon: IT APPEARS THEY'REGOING TO SAY (BLEEP) YOU ANYWAY.

(LAUGHTER)SCREW YOUR HEALTH STUDY!

LITTLE CAESAR'S WILL WRAP THATSTUDY IN BACON, BATTER IT,

DEEP FRY IT AND FEED IT THROUGHYOUR ANUS WITH A 32-OUNCE SODA.

(LAUGHTER)THE LAST PART IS, IF YOU HAVE

THE COUPON.

(LAUGHTER)THE I DON'T GIVE A (BLEEP)

APPROACH IS GETTING A LOT OFTRACTION IN THE A FAST FOOD

COMMUNITY.

>> WHAT COULD BE BETTER THANGOLDEN CORRAL'S PIPING HOT

DELICIOUS YEAST ROLLS?

HOW ABOUT SIX FREE YEAST ROLLSTO TAKE HOME!

>> COTTON CANDY AND THECHOCOLATE WONDER-FALL.

BOTH PART OF OUR ENDLESS BUFFET.

>>EVERY ROUND OF FRIDAY'SENDLESS APPS COULD BE A

DIFFERENT ENDLESS APP.

>> OLIVE GARDEN'S NEW BUY ONE,TAKE ONE, GO FOR DINNER TONIGHT

AND TAKE HOME A SECOND ENTREEFOR LATER.

>> Jon: LATER?

YOU WENT THERE FOR DINNER!

ARE YOU WORRIED YOU WILL GETLIGHTHEADED UNLESS YOU HAVE A

SPARE DINNER FOR THE RIDE HOME?

WHICH OLIVE GARDEN ARE YOU GOINGTO?

YOU CAN CHOOSE ONE THAT'S CLOSETO YOU!

AND ISN'T SUCH A FAR DRIVE THATYOU NEED A SECOND DINNER!

THERE'S ALMOST AS MANY OLIVEGARDENS AS THERE ARE STARBUCKS!

IDEA FOR A BUSINESS, COMBO PASTAAND COFFEE CHAIN RESTAURANT,

OLIVE BUCKS.

FEATURED MENU ITEM, THE VENTIROSEMARY MOCHA ALFREDO,

3,000 CALORIES OF "OH, MY GOD...

BUT, WHILE SOME --

IT REALLY MAKES ME FEEL LIKEHOMER SIMPSON.

WHILE SOME ESTABLISHMENTSARE GIVING OUR OBESITY

CRISIS A CHUBBY MIDDLE FINGER,OTHERS ARE MORE CONFLICTED

ABOUT THEIR ROLE.

HERE'S McDONALD'S IN JANUARY.

>> ALL VEGETARIANS, FOODIES ANDGASTRONAUTS KINDLY AVERT

YOUR EYES.

YOU CAN'T GET JUICINESS LIKETHIS FROM SOY OR QUINOA.

THIS IS NOT GREEK YOGURT, NORWILL THAT EVER BE KALE.

>> Jon: HEY, WE CLEAR, YOU FOODY(BLEEP)S?

THE ONLY KALE MCDONALD'S WILLEVER SERVE IS TO THE CHICKEN

WHOSE ANUS GOES IN YOURMcNUGGETS!

WHOSE ANUS GOES IN YOURMcNUGGETS!

BUT THEN IN MARCH, MCDONALD'SDOES THIS.

>> McDONALD'S TRYING TO OFFERHEALTHIER FARE TO ITS CUSTOMERS.

THIS LAST WEEK EXECUTIVESANNOUNCED THE U.S. RESTAURANTS

WILL STOP SELLING CHICKENRAISED WITH ANTIBIOTICS

OVER THE NEXT TWO YEARS.

>> Jon: CHICKEN WITHOUTANTIBIOTICS?

WELL, NOW I'M CONFLICTED.

I WANT HEALTHIER FOOD, BUTI'LL MISS TREATING MY EAR

INFECTIONS WITH THE BUFFALORANCH McCHICKEN.

(LAUGHTER)AND THE MAKING -- EW,

THAT'S HALFWAY IN THERE -- ANDTHE MAKING FOOD SLIGHTLY LESS

BAD FOR YOU CRAZE IS SPREADING.

>> DUNKIN' DONUTS ELIMINATINGTHE CHEMICAL USED TO GIVE

POWDERED DOUGHNUTS THATBRIGHT WHITE LOOK.

>> Jon: I'M NOT A CHEF...

BUT I THOUGHT THE THING THATGAVE THOSE DONUTS THE BRIGHT

WHITE LOOK WAS POWDERED SUGAR!

BUT WHAT IF A COMPANY WANTSTHE POSITIVE P.R. OF GOING

HEALTHY BUT DOESN'T WANTTHE HASSLE OF ACTUALLY

IMPROVING THEIR PRODUCT. WELLTHERE'S A SOLUTION FOR THEM TOO.

>> WE DO WANT TO MOVE TO A NEWKIDS EAT RIGHT LABEL THAT WILL

SOON BE APPEARING ONKRAFT SINGLES FROM THE

ACADEMY OF NUTRITIONAND DIETETICS.

>> Jon: WHY?

HERE'S HOW YOU KNOW KRAFT HASNOT CHANGED THEIR INGREDIENTS.

KRAFT IS STILL NOT LEGALLYALLOWED TO CALL THIS PRODUCT

"CHEESE."

HOW YOU MIGHT WONDER DID KRAFTSINGLES MANAGE TO WRANGLE A KIDS

EAT RIGHT LABEL?

>> THE ACADEMY HAS A PROGRAMCALLED KIDS EAT RIGHT.

THEY ENTERED INTO AN AGREEMENTWITH KRAFT WHERE KRAFT

IS HELPING SUPPORT THIS. THEY'REGIVING MONEY TO THE ACADEMY

TO SUPPORT THIS PROGRAM AND INEXCHANGE THEY

GET TO PUT THIS LABEL ON THEIRPRODUCTS.

>> SO KRAFT IS PAYING THEACADEMY --

>> Jon: THAT SOUNDS REASONABLE.TURNS OUT THE ACADEMY OF

DIETETICS IS AN ACADEMY IN THESAME WAY THIS IS CHEESE.

AT THIS POINT WE SHOULD JUSTSTOP TRYING WITH THE HEALTHY

STUFF AND EMBRACE WHO WEREALLY ARE AND PERHAPS START

WITH THE BEACONOF FREEDOM WHO DREW SO MANY OF

OUR ANCESTORS HERE WITH THOSEFAMOUS WORDS -- GIVE ME YOUR

THAI FOOD, YOUR PORK CHOPS, YOURHUNGRY MASSES, YEARNING TO

BREATHE HEAVILY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.