Profiles in Tremendousness - White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer

January 24, 2017 - Big Sean 01/24/2017 Views: 122,523

Press Secretary Sean Spicer begins his relationship with the media by defending President Trump's claims of voter fraud and refusing to state the U.S. unemployment rate. (8:45)

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Now, every single daysince the inauguration,

Sean Spicer has beenon the front lines

of Donald Trump's waragainst the media,

which, by the way, is nota normal thing, all right?

Everyone is like, oh,Donald Trump's war against--

That's not a normal thing.

Just keep reminding ourselves,it's not a normal thing.

So anyway, last night,Donald Trump

said to congressional leadersthat he still believes

he would have wonthe popular vote

if millions wouldn'thave voted illegally.

And, so, like a firefighterin Dubai...

Sean Spicer flew into action.

Does the president believethat millions voted illegally

in this election and whatevidence do you have

of widespread voter fraud

in this electionif that's the case?

I-I-I-- As I said, I think thepresident has believed that

for a while based on studiesand information he has.

I-- And I think w-w-we'll seewhere we go from here.

Uh-oh-see-and-uh-uh-or--Uh, and, you know-- Uh, yeah.

You know, Sean Spicer probablythinks he looks smooth

like those firefightersin Dubai,

but he ended up lookinga lot more like this guy.

Fox 5 Morning News starts...look over there.

And it starts right now!

(laughter and applause)

Oh.

I feel like that'sthe perfect metaphor

for Trump's presidency so far.

It starts right now.

This is Sean Spicer's job,Trump bull(bleep).

And he's the guy who's agreed

to go out every daywith the air freshener.

And by the way,not good air freshener.

You know that air freshener thatjust makes things worse?

You know, like, when you walk in

and now you smell the (bleep)and the air freshener?

You know that?

Where you walk in the roomand you're like, ah!

I think someone took a (bleep)on some old lemons.

-What's going on in this room?-(laughter)

What's going on in this room?

But who is Sean Spicer?

Who is he?

Well, we'll find outin today's installment

of Profiles in Tremendousness.

I have the mostdedicated people.

I have the best people.

Now, Sean Spicer first joinedthe Trump campaign

in the middle of 2016,

and, uh, that was backwhen the Trump campaign

was like one of those bussesin India.

It was swervingall over the place,

people were getting thrown off,other people were climbing on,

and there was always storiesof women being groped.

-But Spicer turned out-(audience exclaiming)

to be a great choicefor press secretary,

because it turns outhe's been dealing

with the biased mediaall of his life.

MAN (on radio):

College kids are mean, man.

Because "Spicer" is not evenclose to "sphincter."

They just wantedto call him Sean Sphincter.

Which is messed up--it sounds like a mascot

for a medical school,that's what that sounds like.

Let's go, Sphincters!

Push, push, push,push, push, push!

(exclaims)

And you know college nicknamesstay with you for life.

Even yesterdayin the press room,

there was one reporterwho wouldn't let it go.

A sphincter says what?

What?

-A sphincter says what?-What?

Exactly.

Now... Now, other thanhis nickname,

there are a few thingsworth knowing about Sean Spicer.

He used to workfor Reince Priebus.

Uh, he served in the navy.And he's been in

a five-year Twitter warwith Dippin' Dots.

For the better partof the past, oh, five years,

press secretary Sean Spicer

has had a very public feudwith Dippin' Dots.

REPORTER: It turns out Spicer has heavily criticized

the sweet treat in the past. Some tweets include

"Dippin' Dots is not the ice cream of the future."

You know what... No, no,you know what, you know what?

That's one thing Sean Spiceris not lying about.

Dippin' Dots are not the ice cream of the future.

You know why?

Because there's no ice creamin the future

because the world's too hotbecause Donald Trump

doesn't believe inclimate change, he's gonna

gut carbon regulationsand just today

he signed anexecutive order slashing

the environmental review processfor all new development.

Now I want ice cream.(crying)

I want ice cream so badly.

Mmm.

But, uh, if there's one thing...

I was thinking aboutthe ice cream. Sorry. I was...

I really love ice cream.

If there's one thing you needto know about Sean Spicer,

it's this:he chews and swallows

at least 35 piecesof Orbit cinnamon gum

every day.

Chews and swallows.

Now... now, if that's true,

that's horrifying.

For Orbit gum.

Because that's a huge dilemma.

This famous dude is sayinghe uses your product,

but not in the way you want.You know?

It would be likeif Mario Batali was like,

"KitchenAid spatulasare the best

for sticking up your ass!"

Molto bene!

I mean, to me, swallowing35 pieces of gum every day

sounds dangerous,but Spicer is chill about it.

In fact, he said, "I talkedto my doctors about it,

he said it's no problem."

And my first thoughtafter hearing that is,

"Okay, cool, but is your doctor

Donald Trump's doctor,by any chance?"

Actually, it-it reallymade me think:

is it dangerous to chewand swallow 35 pieces of gum?

To find out, I've decidedto test it myself

on Ronny Chieng.

(cheering, applause)

What's up, Ronny?

-Hey, what's up? -Uh...-AUDIENCE: Ronny! Ronny! Ronny!

uh, can you chew and swallowall of this gum?

Okay.

W-Wait, wait, you... don't youwant to know what it's about?

Hey, free gum is free gum.

Okay, fini...finish it backstage.

We'll-we'll check in with youlater. Ronny Chieng, everybody.

-Ronny Chieng.-(cheering, applause)

35 pieces of gum.Just keep chewing the gum.

Keep chewing.

So... so, okay, so nowwe're on the same page.

And now that you know a bitabout who Sean Spicer is,

let's go backto yesterday, when Spicer

marched his belly full of gumin front of the press corps

for his first press briefing.

Uh, well, he said it washis first, but it-it wasn't.

Uh, he came out on Saturdayto lie about how many people

were at Trump's inauguration.

But let's agree that it was hisfirst, even though it wasn't.

Alternative facts. Whatever.We keep it moving.

So... so yesterday... yesterdaySpicer took questions

for the first timeabout the most important topics

facing America,like the economy,

and whether numbersare important in it.

-SPICER: What's the average?-What's the... What... No.

Are you talking about whetheror not we include the full...

I-I mean, the Bureauof Labor Statistics puts it out.

No, no, no, I... It's nota question of what I accept.

It's not just a number to him.

He's not focused on statisticsas much as he is on whether

or not the American peopleare doing better as a whole...

-(audience groans)-W... Wait.

Did he just say unemploymentisn't a number,

it's a feeling?

This guy would be the worstESPN reporter ever.

"And what a Super Bowl, Jim.

"Final score, Patriots, Falcons,feeling good in America.

Back to you guys in the studio."

(cheering and applause)

The unemployment rate is a number.

It's 4.7%, which is really low.

The reason the Trumpadministration won't say

the actual unemployment numberis because, if they do,

in seven months, they won't beable to take credit

for when it dropsto nine percent.

But the most revealing partof yesterday's session

was when Spicer took,uh, the media to task

for their coverageof the new administration.

There is this constant themeto undercut

the enormous supportthat he has,

and I think it'sjust unbelievably frustrating

when you're continually toldit's not big enough,

it's not good enough,you can't win.

The default narrativeis always negative,

and it's demoralizing.

It's so weird that afterspending a year and a half

watching Donald Trump bullyhis way to the White House,

now that he's in power,all his team can do

is complainabout him getting bullied.

That's such an insane thing.Which reminds me,

-Ronny, get back out here!Ronny! Ronny! -Hey. What's up?

-What's up?-(cheering and applause)

And?

Uh, I swallowed the gum,and, uh, I feel fine.

What, like, completely fine?

Yeah. Yeah, you guys needto lay off Sean Spicer, okay?

Just because he swallowed35 pieces of gum

doesn't meananything weird's gonna happen.

(laughter)