Breaking Down Alabama's Government Scandals

June 15, 2016 - Roland Emmerich 06/15/2016 Views: 12,711

As Alabama's house speaker, governor and chief justice all face separate charges, Roy Wood Jr. weighs in on the state's scandal-plagued government. (2:45)

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For more on the Alabama issues,

we're joinedby senior Alabama correspondent

and Alabama nativeRoy Wood Jr., everybody.

(applause and cheering)

-Roy Wood Jr.-Right.

First of all, what the hellis going on in Alabama?

Second of all,what the hell are you wearing?

(laughter)

None of your business,mini Mandela.

(laughter and groaning)

It's my Alabama swag.

Trevor, this scandalis pretty upsetting,

but I'm very relieved.

Finally, there's bad newscoming out of Alabama,

and black peoplearen't involved.

-(whoops) Yeah!-(applause and cheering)

Man, I'm happy happier thanPaula Deen covered in butter.

Roll tide! (humming)

-I have I no clue what you'retalking about right now. -Yeah.

Trevor, this is great news.

I don't think you understandhow racist Alabama.

The state bird is the (bleep).

-(laughter)-Wow.

Yeah, you can hear it.

You want me to do the call?You can hear it at night.

-'Sup?-(laughter)

-What's up?-Well, I've...

I've actually...I've actually heard that.

-I didn't know.-Yeah.

Well, Roy, it's nice that youcan take a positive spin

out of all of this, butthese are serious allegations.

I mean, a house speakerconvicted on ethics charges.

-Mm-hmm. -A judgewho won't obey federal law.

-Mm- -And a governor whoallegedly misused taxpayer money

to hide an affair.

Age old story, Trevor--three Ps got him.

I'm sorry. The three Ps?

Power, prideand p-sexual relations.

(laughter)

The "P" is silent.

Well, then why did you say it?

Because I want peopleto know what I mean.

-Well, then just say "pussy."-Oh, lord in heaven!

Trevor, no.How dare you use such a word!

My mother is watching.

I should smack the tasteout of your mouth!

I'm more offended thanPaula Deen covered in margarine.

-(laughter) -What is upwith you and Paula Deen?

Look, she said the word once,Trevor.

Look, her food is delicious.

We have to forgive her,all right?

Trevor, the speaker of the houseused his power

to benefit himself financially.

The chief justicehad too much pride

to obey ordersfrom a higher court.

And finally, the governor--

well, he's looser than a ropetied by a three-fingered man

with Vaseline hands.

-(laughter)-That doesn't even...

-That sounds so creepy. What...?-Mm-hmm. -(laughter)

Okay, anyway, Roy, Roy,

what's the next stepfor all of these politicians?

(sighs)Well, Trevor, it's clear.

They needs the fourth "P."

And that is?

You lock 'em up in p-jail.

(laughter)

(applause and cheering)

That's where you put 'em.

I... I feel like you could havejust said "prison."

Trevor!That is such a horrible word!

Oh, my lord!My mother's watching, you dick!

Wait. You can say "dick"?I thought your mom was watching.

-Oh, it's cool.She down with the "D." -Oh, wow.

Roy Wood Jr., everyone.