Sarah Palin Endorses Donald Trump

January 20, 2016 - Gael Garcia Bernal 01/20/2016 Views: 469,906

Sarah Palin shows her support for Donald Trump's presidential campaign in an increasingly incoherent speech. (7:28)

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I'm really excited

for another reason.

I'll tell you why.

You know, when I...when I first got the job

to host The Daily Show, people told me,

"Trevor, this is gonna be hard.

"You'll have to study every day,

"because there's a presidentialelection going on,

"and you can't be involved inthe American political process

and know nothing about it."

In fact, their exact words were:

"As an outsider,I don't know if you'll survive."


But it turns out it wasn't true.

See, it turns out a lotof the presidential candidates

are in the same positionas I am.

(laughter, applause)

I feel like every dayI read something in the news

and I go, "Huh. I didn't knowthat about the government."

And at the same time,Donald Trump is reading

the same newspaper, going,"Huh. Neither did I."

-(laughter)-We're like a study group.

But Donald Trump is notthe first American candidate

to get so far in politicsknowing so little.

He's the second.

And of course, likeevery version of an iPhone,

you know the second oneis better,

but you still got to give propsto the original.

And Sarah Palin was the original.

And yesterday,America found the old cable,

plugged it in, and guess what?

It still works.

He is from the private sector,not a politician.

Can I get a "hallelujah"?


(laughs)Where in the private sector,

you actually haveto balance budgets

in order to prioritize,

to keep the main thingthe main thing,

and he knows the main thing:

a president is to keep us safeeconomically and militarily.

He knows the main thing, andhe knows how to lead the charge.

So, troops, hang in there,because help's on the way,

because he, better than anyone,isn't he known

for being able to

(crowd shouts)

(laughter, gasps, groans)


That is amazing!

She's all over the place.

Like, it's not even human.

It's, like, the only thingSarah Palin hates

more than Obama is punctuation.

-(laughter)-Nobody talks like that.

Like, it's almost likeshe's a malfunctioning robot.

Maybe or the or the troops

or the commanderor boy or-ee-or...

It's like a bagof Scrabble tiles

that grew a bodyand came to life.

It's so random.And whatever she is,

she is happy to bein front of a crowd.

And if you are wondering:"Trevor,

what the hell is Sarah Palindoing back on stage?"

Well, you see, she's come backfrom the wilderness--

or as Americans call it,Alaska--

to endorse Donald Trumpfor president.

And yes, I am hereto endorse Sarah Palin

endorsing Donald Trumpfor president.

And, you know,I know lot of people were saying

they couldn't wrap their brainaround what she was saying,

and that's the problemright there, people.

With Sarah Palin,you don't think.

You just enjoy.

Looking around at all of you,

you hard-workin' Iowa families,

you farm familiesand teachers and teamsters,

and cops and cooks,

you... rock-and-rollers...

-(shouts, whooping)-and holy rollers!

All of you who work so hard...

you full-time moms,

you with the handsthat rock the cradle!


I'm sorry, "the handsthat rock the cradle"?

I don't thinkSarah Palin understood

the point of that movie.


(like Palin):That's right!

Where's my...psychopathic nannies at?

Let's hear itfor you single white females

with your fatal attractions

and your basic instincts.

And by the way,what is she wearing?

It looks like she killeda disco porcupine.

What the hell is going on there?

Look, I'm not gonna front--I loved every minute of this.

We, you, a diverse, dynamic,

needed support basethat they would attack.

And now some of themeven whispering

they're ready to throw infor Hillary over Trump

because they can't affordto see the status quo go,

otherwise they won't be able tobe slurpin' off the gravy train

that's been feeding themall these years.



You know know how Americans loved

all those African characters

in movies like The Gods Must Be Crazy and...

and Coming to America, and...

and everyone was like,"Oh, all those funny sounds

that come out of their mouths!"

And now, as Africans...

we're watching this.


There's people in Africaright now watching this.


This is so cra...

She just talks,and it never ends.

I bet even Steven Avery is like,

"That sentence islong and ridiculous!"

Now, one thingthat did seem strange...


I've always known Sarah Palin

as a friend ofthe middle-American common man,

so I wasn't surehow she would justify

endorsinga New York billionaire.

Yeah, our leader,he's a little bit different.

He's a multibillionaire.

Not that there'sanything wrong with that.

(crowd shouting, whooping)

But... it's amazing.

(laughs):He is not elitist at all.

He's spent his lifewith the workin' man.

...and that is refreshing,

because he, as he builds things,

he builds big things,things that touch the sky.

-(laughter)-Okay, now, first of all,

he's spent his lifewith the working man?

Telling him what to do.

That's what she forgotto add in there.

And secondly, why is she talkingto Iowans like they're cavemen?

This man builds big things.

They touch sky.

He invent fire as catchphrase,

then he fly on metal bird.


-(applause)-Who are you!


But... but the greatest part

of Palin's speech for mewasn't her.

It was Donald Trump.

Because he just stood behind her on stage

the entire time and he looked like he understood

everything she was saying.

The whole time,he's standing up there like,

"Yup, yup, that makes sense.

Doing great.Very sane, very sane."

Honestly, you know what,it reminds me of those...

I don't knowif you've ever watched

those old wrestling interviews,

where, like,Macho Man Randy Savage

just losing his mindat the camera,

and the other guy just hasto stand there and listen.

Trump would have fit perfectlyin wrestling.

You're a liar, too.In fact, I remember a time

where we stood in front of theman that does nothing but lie--

Brother Love-- and you toldsome of the biggest lies

that I've ever heard ofin my whole life!

(applause, whooping)


This is why America'sso great, people.

Presidents might haveterm limits,

but Sarah Palin is forever.